Love not with

Love not with our tongues but our hearts.
Wait not for love to come today but everyday.
Prove forever not with time but enthusiasm.
Miss you not with months but seconds.

breaking logic 1.

this is start of a very long (i hope) logic decoding/breaking/analysis posts.

first up:

Do we live for someone who died for us, when we should've died in the first place?

Notice we should've died suggests that we have to die, but yet someone sabotaged our duty to do so. So is someone here doing justice? And why do we have to live for someone who messed up our fate and all the great plans, supposing toward the better (if not the best)?

While this sentences itself disguises itself as a rhetorical question, it actually contains some backstabbing (pessimistic view) / intrigueing (optimistic view) ideas.

This has nothing to do with the saviour thing.

Note: There is no error with the distinct word. (grins.. if you can read my mind)

Be prepared for the next series! Such posts are good for mind exercising and it keep brains working fine!

napfa

Sit-ups: 43 A
Standing-broad jump: 248 B
Sit and reach: 45 B
Chin-ups: 9 B
Shuttle run (4x10m): 9.0s A
2.4 km run: 10:41 B

Score = 26/30

Except for chin-ups which my top was 10 and shuttle run which i didnt break 9, the overall is satisfactory, and in fact the best result since sec 3. haha
finally overcome the pull-up nightmare.

after that was some cg basketball.
it shocks people how time files.
i cant believe i waited for you for 2 years already.

WHY?

why did i fall in love with her in the first place?
why do i have to suffer like this?
after 2 years of wait.
after so many endless nights.

i have finally found out
she doesn't remember me.

so in love there will always have a fool,
clinging on to what is called the impossible.

i have imagined too much.
there were too much coincidence.
but now im finally awake.
i had fallen in love with someone who will never love me.

fuck this life.
fuck all these.

fuck myself.

i just need some love in this world.
heaven you dont have to fool me like this.
so im alone all along.
alone.

The game of life.

I grow up and I'm suddenly eighteen,
and life ahead isn't what I would think.
Education, is it really such a big thing?
Certificates and degrees; sugar and cream?
But sugar and cream only make me fat.
When I'm working I would feel like crap.
Of how I didn't spend myself chasing crabs,
and spend more time in the park taking a nap.

Fame, glory, and power am I looking for that?
It's natural, oh so natural for that.
However, these may all be a trap.
Keeping my life off track.
What do you cherish most I'd ask?
Extra money and recognition may all seem a plus.
But when I lose my loves because of these tasks,
Is it all worth it I ask?

To be continued-

somewhere only we know

THIS IS TO REMIND MYSELF

I AM TO..

1) SCORE A FOR CHEMISTRY FOR PRELIMS <- JUST WATCH ME
2) SCORE A FOR PHYSICS FOR PRELIMS
3) SCORE A FOR MATHS FOR PRELIMS <- YOU SAID LIFE IS UNFAIR AS I DID WELL FOR MY MATHS EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT DO TUTORIALS. YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE AND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH. NOW IM GONNA GET A TO SHOVE IT TO YOUR FACE

I MUST DO THIS. I MUST STUDY EVERYDAY. ELSE IM NOT FIT TO BE WHO I AM. JUST WATCH ME.

CDE -> AAA IN 1 MONTH.

STARTING TODAY

sweet death.

A love like all loves, sweet and lingering.
A hate like all hates, springs from love.

Bollywood/Hollywood

too perfect.

sad

to help those linux fanatics over hpc chill out abit.. i decided to send them songs!
the song is none other than..



wu yue tian's jue jiang! oh noes.. its .wma format lol..

the stars

Look at the stars; look how they shine for you
And everything you do

Have you ever wondered why some things happen their way?
I would ask why did i fall for you.
and why didn't i give up.
Why have i thought you fell for me too.
Why am i born poor.
Why am i born with so much problems.
Why am i here?

Life is unfair. But why must i be the one suffering?
Why did i lose my interest in living.
Why living is more a chore?
Why money makes the world go round.
And why fashion plague the minds of many?

Why religion breaks people and even couples apart,
why religion becomes like designer clothes?
How man do not realise what they are fighting for,
are just empty things?

Suddenly the world darkens for me.
Depressed i have become.
Lonely i am.
Miss you i do.

you and me

Love longs for someone,
like flowers for spring.
Waiting to blossom,
it creeps in deep into our heart.

Sent the pollen via my card,
who knows why are we still apart?
We are neither here nor there,
to whom can i find my heart to bare?
When im drowning in memories,
who exactly do you miss?
Cheer up, dont weep;
My heart will always be yours to keep.

who?

who do i miss in these laughter?
and who do i think of when im and out?

Italy ke mak mak!

(photo courtesy of ks)

YEsssssss so happpy italy won..
Partly because france won brazil and spain.
Partly because italy let me win 11 bucks =). ty sgpools!
i will never bet again! So you have a net loss!
Partly because italy jersey is nice.
Partly because i just like italy more.

zidane lost his mind.
like me :)

torn

im torn.
im devastated.
why am i feeling this way?
is it because i give all my heart to love?
is it that i should receive love
and give a little of my heart away,
just like people say?

is it true that there is no true love?
if i love a person with all my heart,
wouldn't she be touched?
is it the way i talk
or the way i look?
is it my hairstyle,
is it my low wealth?

is it love?

lost

so it's true?
im not the one?
again..?

i hope..
i'll continue hoping..
that one day i'll be the one.

the one you are missing.
the one you love.

one day all these will be true.

what if?

what if im not the one you are missing?
what if im not the one you are loving?
and what if im not the one.
will i be able survive?

what if all these while i was wrong?
what if in the end i'll be alone?
will i still miss you?
will i still love you?

time is running out.
we have alot more obstacles to overcome.
yet we haven't even get past the first one.

are you missing me tonight?
cos i am.

results results results.

its only tues and i already know 3 results..

B - computing
C - physics
D - maths..
unknown - chem

BCD not bad wad! many people would say..
but im a student attempting 2 S papers.. shouldnt i already secure my 4As already?
Chem ar chem... Although it is nicer to get ABCD, getting A for chem is unrealistic.. so i hope i can get an E... so BCDE nice nice.. omg....... then GP F9???? lol................................
choi man.

im starting to mug NOW.
despite CCA matters, IHPC and computing coursework.

寂寞轰炸 - 周传雄

轰炸被寂寞轰炸
把掩护心的围墙震垮啦
就露出心事密密麻麻
说话想找人说话
不在乎笑话废话或傻话
只要别自己一个在家
失望沮丧的失望
热闹并不能让我被解放
酒精也不能让我健忘
喝吧沉默的喝吧
朋友别怪我要讲又没讲
心里太乱会像哑巴
每天这个时候
心都特别寂寞
像孤单单在大海游
不确定方向没错
又不愿掉头
当听谁劝我换个梦来做
总倔强笑着有痛不说
每天这个时候
心都特别寂寞
在窗边吹风泪会流
回想你在的时候
我们多快乐
常常只相望一眼握着手
就觉得胸口暖和(了)

Fear F4ctor

i have exactly 12 hours left to my next 2 papers... computing and chem.
i have officially killed myself in my maths and physics common test...
maths nvr do 1 got 27 marks. do wrong 1 shld be ard 20. so i can expect 5x...
which i will surely get killed if my parents see it.

now shld i study computing?
i haf a feeling i chiong computing i still get v lan..
but if i chiong chem i sure get v lan also.
and chem got so much...

hmmm..

perhaps i shld slp first.. lol

The Amazing Race

I have to finish physics by today!
Can I make it in time?

Electric Field -- done
Capacitors -- done
Current Electricity -- done 3.47pm (pitstop now! 30mins - 1 hour lol)
DC circuits -- done
Magnetic Fields and Electromagnetism -- done 7.57 pm. (wa i slpt 2 hours and played 1 hour)
Electromagnetic Induction -- done
Alternating Current -- done 11.53pm (die le.. play too much.. tmr morning continue ba..)
Analogue Electronics -- done
Ideal Gas -- done
Charged Particle Dynamics -- done
Quantum Physics -- done 7.30pm sunday! omg.. gp how?

there will be no detour!

ahhhhhhhhh

i
am
going
to
fail
my
June
Common
Test

i cantttt concentrate on myy work anymoreeee....
cant study c0mputinggggggggggggggggg
my eye pain!!
ahhhh jiu ming!!

the most unplanned and rewarding experience..

i just came back from my cca farewell chalet..
only slept for 2 hours (5am - 7am) but i have just bathed
so my hair is wet and therefore i am here.. typing.

first of all. it wasnt anywhere near a farewell.
well think of farewell.. picture it in your minds..
you see people.. many people.. seniors and juniors..
meeting each other for the last time in a cca activity..
but the final result was.. there was only 2 yr1s that came.
those 2 who organised the whole thing despite lack of
help from the other year1s who were put in charge of this as well.
thank you you two..! for at least trying to send us farewell.
and also for your wonderful we duno what thing it is that is so chocolatey
and healthy and your nice nice post cards.

2ndly.. the co@sta s@nds chalet room really sux. spoilt aircon.. untunable and untuned tv. ant stampedes. no xbox. you name it. we've got it. and of cos we dont bother to call since we are only using it for like 2 days 1 nite which is actually 19 hours. by the time they got here, checked and repair i think it will be our 5th night.

thirdly. my senior has just POP'd (not pop! but you know.. passing of parade'd) and he shared very very funny stuff and very informative stuff. since i scared its sensitive i better not type anything. haha. but it is very interesting to have a extremely blur buddy haha.

as you can see.. im like so relaxed. like as if jct is next year.. i still got ihpc compy to do.. haix.
and by the way i wrote this entry you can tell my gp also gone case. intro nvr say wad i wan to say ah.. enumeration of points ar.. and short, undeveloped and unsupported paragraphs/ideas.

hey wait a min.. i have actually revised the basic requirements of an essay this way.. hmm not bad.. shld i blog some alkane allkenes stuff too? lol

i dont know why.

why why i have no mood to study?

oh
my
god
pls
tell
me
why..

i just cant put myself in studying mood.

maybe this will do..
CHEM - 2 years of stuff = 3% d0ne
COMPUTING - Almost 2 years of stuff = o% done
Maths - 1 year + of stuff = o% done
Physics - 1 year of stuff. = o% done

please help me!!

omg really gotta start now!

we had chemistry.

if you think im blogging about love this time.. you r wrong!

Chemistry.
Chemistry is a science subject.
Chemistry is a science subject that i failed.
Chemistry is a science subject that i failed like everyone else.
Chemistry is a bloody science subject that i failed miserably like everyone else.
Chemistry is a bloody difficult and nonsensical science subject that i failed so miserably and pathetically like everyone else.
Chemistry is a bloody annoying, difficult and nonsensical science subject that i failed so miserably and pathetically like everyone else which makes us look like fools.
Chemistry is a bloody annoying, difficult and nonsensical science subject that i failed so miserably and pathetically like everyone else which makes us look like fools without any clothes.
Chemistry is a bloody annoying, difficult and nonsensical science subject that i failed so miserably and pathetically like everyone else which makes us looks like fools without any clothes in the damn winter.
Chemistry is a bloody annoying, difficult and nonsensical science subject that i failed so miserably and pathetically like everyone else which makes us look like fools without any clothes in the damn winter licking the cold hard ice.
Chemistry is a bloody annoying, difficult and nonsensical science subject that i failed so miserably and pathetically like everyone else which makes us look like fools without any clothes in the damn winter licking the cold hard ice and idiots who dont give a damn about their studies.
Chemistry is a bloody annoying, difficult and nonsensical science subject that i failed so miserably and pathetically like everyone else which makes us look like fools without any clothes in the damn winter licking the cold hard ice and idiots who dont give a damn about their studies and blog whole day.
Chemistry is a bloody annoying, difficult and nonsensical science subject that i failed so miserably and pathetically like everyone else which makes us look like fools without any clothes in the damn winter licking the cold hard ice and idiots who dont give a damn about their studies and blog whole day waiting for boring people like you to read..

lol.. that was fun.
a nice break from chem.

wait a min.. did i start chem?

N4tional Service.

Hate it or loathe it.

WE (the guys of course) all have to do this. whether you like it or not. unless you are some guy rich enough to fly away~ and never return to singapore. you have to go through it. well you girls might think. what's the big deal? be a man. stop whinning.

we are not whinning because of our (rather the majority) physical being is incapable of doing so. nor are we complaining about the long hours of lifeless life (is there such a thing?) under the hot sun doing some freakish physical training or such stuff. it is the amount of things you will lose out during this time.

yes we should be doing this. we should defend our country.. but not by making us (majority) staying 24 hours during weekdays(of cos for some occasions outfield we should stay overnite for some consec days to train our endurance). how many relationships are broken just because of this ns thing? yes u may argue that if the relationships are strong and really meant to be.. no tides may overturn the boat! but really.. relationships still need maintenance. if some wacko trying to chase ur partner and they are in the same course in uni, well.. goodluck to you. Yes they will have lotsa time together. dont worry! for some 2 years(before we are able to get out of the 'jail' as some call it) !

and no! they wont be together! only if cows fly and pigs have afterburners.

assumption: "the guy is really sweet you know! he seems to understand me very well! And he's older than me by 2 years.. hmm yeah.. i think he's matured and will be you know.. able to take care of me"

not to mention singapore have low fidelity rate. yes i know. as well as fertility. but that doesnt mean they copulate less often. they use rUbBeR~

ahh sian. im whinning again.

all i can do is blame myself for being born quiet and lacking the gift of the gap.
and looks.. well its cant help it. born hideous. what can you do?

well i will be surprised if there is some girl out there who really dont give a dam about looks.
and is single! and takes a liking on me. lol.....?

yeah gibson. dream on.

long cold nights.

i dont know if you're feeling this way too..

but do you know the nights are getting longer and colder for me?
everytime i lie down on my bed,
my mind will be filled with you,
and memories of you.
i will remember the days where we were in reach,
the days we shared, though not us alone.

at least i was able to see your face then.
your face which lights up the darkness in my heart.
your face which fills the void in heart.

solitude. all that i have got left now is loneliness.
and its driving me crazy.
driving me thin.
and rotting my mind.

i have distanced from my friends. some of them distanced from me too.
i have said things that annoy.
and some things that are arrogant.
i want to be alone.
i only want you by my side.

i was a confident man.
i was agreeable.
i was.. cheerful.
but now im not.

i began to hate everything and everyone.
my mood becomes uncontrollable at times.

time.
time has a habit of slipping away.
you are always busy.
i guess that you didn't, don't and will not have time for me.
i know that you need someone to be there for you everytime you are feeling stressed.
i dont mind being a person who is needed temporarily by you.
to be discarded by you after that.
like a clothing.
at least a clothing can touch you.
shelter you from dirt, dust and rain.
keep you warm when you're cold.
at least i can be with you.

6 more months and i'll be gone.
i will have to serve ns.
and you will start a new life.
university life.
there where you will most likely find someone you like.
and he will be your shelter, your playmate, your listener
your lover, your life, your everything...

...my dream.

and there will be no more winter for you.
i will be nothing.


a winter clothing.

sanctuary.

this iwebmusic finally let me register.. so i put this very related song on my blog! lol.

but i will change it soon.. i have nicer songs!

sorrow.

Fear resides within me
like an unborn chick.
Waiting for the day it becomes a phoenix
the day it spreads its wings,
where they will become the canopy of light.

I am afraid.
Afraid that one day my insanity gains control of my body.
Then no words nor actions can undo the consequences that follow.
I will be a prisoner. Of mankind. Of insanity. Of sorrow.

But what i am already now are the latter two.
I long for the day, the day where the sun's moderate and kind,
the sky is clear and blue, and the clouds are merry.
The day you will look me back in the eye.
The day you will smile at me the way i remembered.
The day you will hug me the same you did in our dreams.

I am afraid.. that something will happen to me or you.. before the day comes.

I wait patiently.. in the background of your resonating light..

.. but im afraid that my resilience to do so is fading away..

a sigh late at night.

its been a long time isnt it?
yet time seems to have passed so quickly,
so mercilessly.
here i am, sitting alone in the night.
my heart is faltering,
weakening each passing day
without you.

ohhhhh does it really has to be like this?
we were both determined in the past,
that we do not need a companion in life.
but when we looked each other in the eyes,
all was gone.

why? why are we then not together now?
what did i do? or rather did not do?
why am i so stubborn? why did i decide to disturb you again?
is it because i thought we still have a chance?

or maybe because im just deceiving myself.
"to us give another chance" only meant
to give me another chance.
a fool's hope.

do all girls like guys who are "cool"?
do they like guys who have stylish bags, shoes and hair?
not forgeting looking a least bit like some korean male star or whatever.
or some guy who talks nonsense (really really nonsensical stuff - not cold jokes) and amuses himself and you?
Or, they must be rich the very least?

if thats true, then i know why i dont see a girl falling for me.
or maybe the reason behind this is that im a psychopath or whatever?
or im a mugger? VOID OF FEELINGS? (if u felt the amount of HATRED i have in the 3 words would u have felt the same?)
or because of the fucking surname i didnt (and cant) choose and happen to have?
just because of my fairly better results?
im not boasting now but i really dont give a dam about tutorials and i have done less than 10% of all tutorials so please dont come talking to me about what a mugger i am.
cos if im a mugger that will make the whole world else mugger elites.

i hate it man. why do i sound like a psychopath?
ever since i fell in love, i become crazier each day.
im afraid someday im gonna lose it.
im afraid someday im going to end my life.

when.. just when will all this pain end?
when will i be able to hold you like how i do
in my dreams?

A Friday in May.

Hey Jude - The Beatles

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey, Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better.

And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
Well don't you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

Hey, Jude! Don't let her down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember, to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey, Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey, Jude,
You'll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

---

Easier said than done.

my humble interpretation of "The Da Vinci Code"

Straits Times gave it 2/5 stars (correct me if im wrong).

I've watched it today and i say that there's no movie as inspiring as this since "The Matrix" trilogy. its not only inspiring, but a genius work. not only the movie. the whole story is. Dan Brown is truly amazing. Enough said, now i shall blog some of my intepretation of the movie/story.

Warning! Spoiler ahead.

The whole story hinges on the question of whether Jesus was divine or was he just an extraordinary man.

The cleverness of the author to make use of the technique of self-questioning (by the lead guy, prof langdon (if i rmb correctly)) in the theatre screen to convince us of the 'messages' he is trying to convey in his book is simply astonishing.

imho, there's no need for much proving. it is because the religion (i wont say which) has a very flawed fundamental notion (please refer to my previous entry).

but anyway, what is interesting and a matter of fact, 'uplifting' to me is the common thought that the author (i suppose he wrote what he thought) and me shares. Be it if Jesus is man or divine, what matters is that the peace/social and moral benefits from belief of an existence of a supreme(good at least). And of course the decision the sole descendent of Jesus(living proof of the mortality of Jesus) had to make. To enlighten the world of the truth, to liberate them from the enslavement from the lies, or to "renew their faith".

just as i thought. should we destroy the force that at least binds the majority of the human race to a certain extent? So long it does no harm. But im sure that the more logically-inclined people would know exactly what to do. I believe in a system beneficial for betterment of humankind, but not the lies.

i guess not many know what the fuck im talking about. some may detest me. some just dont gif a damn lol. my language skills is not good la. just watch the show and maybe you will understand abit(rmb to watch it w/o a biased thought in mind). so long for now.

and btw, the last supper is here.

i give the movie 10 out of 5 stars.

Where'd you go?

this song pwn nuts man. mike shinoda forever!

Fort Minor - Where'd You Go

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself tryna stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me when I feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Hallowe'en with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once in a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For while you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you'll can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...

just thought i needed to blog too

take my hand, take my whole life too.
for i cant help, falling in love with you..

im bored at home.
but i need a break like this from this hectic study life.
no more games to play.. warcraft standard game/dota is just sian.
dling music to listen just got sianner too.

and i hate to think about love.
because it just makes me so sad.


so maybe i'll talk abit philosophy then.

why must people be so cynical about others..?
what's there's to lose if you believe them?
since if we think that money is not important,
why are people so afraid to lose a little of them,
if we really had to?

so what is important? you family?
so-called friends? power?
reputation? being hip?

sorry man. my family is not much a sanctuary.
getting some fucking money for class fund or
buying notes is like borrowing few million dollars
to buy something useless. so i just cant imagine
family to be important.

friends? if you can really find a true friend. good for you.
but if your friend is just like a fucker like everyone else,
i bet you wouldn't mind,
taking the fact that you are most likely one too.

power and reputation? lol i dont think i need to say anything about these.
unless you are that shallow and sadistic.

Im hip. so are you. ok we are all hip. done.



im like a curious new born. seeking answers that are already right in front of our eyes.
life's an illusion. we are just mammals with that extra boredomness and stupidity.

just thought i need to blog.

without you, im left with silly questions like what is the purpose of having to go through this thing called life.

i was, once, looking for the meaning of my existance, until i found you.

i know all these sound corny and doubtful but whatever the case i just feel like saying what i feel today.


my results arent going up.. and there are people doing quite well with some hardwork put in.. maybe i should get my ass moving as well?
but i hate to work.
especially when studying is concerned.

im anti-chxxxt and i know it.

this is the best read i have done so far this week
http://www.truthbeknown.com/bible.htm

and the last paragraph is exactly what i have been telling my friends about.

christiananswers.net - "One final evidence that the Bible is true is found in the testimony of those who have believed it. Multitudes of people, past and present, have found from personal experience that its promises are true, its counsel is sound, its commands and restrictions are wise, and its wonderful message of salvation meets every need for both time and eternity."

TBK - ""Multitudes of people...have found...that its promises are true?" A heck of a lot more have found tremendous disappointment when prayers haven't been answered and Jesus hasn't arrived riding on a white horse. "Jesus" said, "Soon I will return." After 2,000 years, believers still wait and pray and are disappointed. Fortunately, there is a general moral thread that runs throughout the mess that has passed for humanity. No book about life could avoid including it. And its "wonderful message of salvation" is only wonderful if one is lost in the first place. Without the original sin and fall of mankind, there would be no need for saving. Again, why did the "perfect" God make such an imperfect creature in the first place that he would need to save it? Is this some sadistic cat-and-mouse game? The people who are finding solace in the pages of the Bible have been crippled by it in the first place. They are not told they are divine incarnations but horrible sinners, pathetic wretches in the eyes of a glorious God. The Judeo-Christian ideology creates the schism between human beings and God in the first place by utterly separating God out of creation. It then promises that it holds the keys to reuniting man with God. It's an extortion racket."

im losing it.

im really losing it. im going to burst. emotions are ruling over my head.. i cant control myself anymore. im afraid im going to say something im going to regret.
im became very afraid since i knew you.

i wish life is a better journey. i cant think anymore.

the number of hypocites i see in my life is of e^(e^(e^(e^t))) where t = time.
i really cant stand this world anymore.
i really cant.

just think primary school days.

cant think anymore....

goodbye to this sh**** odjaklgjd

it's fate. no one can change it.
mine it ends this very moment.

dont you all ever feel guilty. i chose this path myself.

A Rush Of Blood To The Head

He said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down
I'm gonna put it six feet underground
He said "I'm gonna buy this place and watch it fall
Stand here beside me baby in the crumbling walls

Oh I'm gonna buy this place and start a fire
Stand here until I fill all your heart's desires
Because I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn
Do back the things it did to you in return

Ah ah ah, ah ah ah...

He said I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
Oh and I'm gonna buy this place that's what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head

Honey
All the movements you're starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace.
And they call as they beckon you on
They said start as you mean to go on
Start as you mean to go on

He said "I'm gonna buy this place and see it go
Stand here beside my baby, watch the orange glow
Some will laugh and some just sit and cry
But you just sit down there and you wonder why

So I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
And I'm gonna buy this place that's what I said
Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head
Oh to the head

Honey
All the movements you're starting to make
See me crumble and fall on my face
And I know the mistakes that I made
See it all disappear without a trace.
And they call as they beckon you on
They said start as you mean to go on
As you mean to go on, as you mean to go on

So meet me by the bridge,
Oh meet me by the lane
When am I going to see
That pretty face again

Meet me on the road
Meet me where I said
Blame it all upon
A rush of blood to the head

"The Lord of the Fools: Return of the Stupid"

".. obviously an intelligent student .." - GP
"An A+ student." - Maths
".. has good knowledge of the subject." - Computing
".. very quiet in class." - Physics
".. consistent worker .. capable of producing quality work .. self-disciplined." - Chemistry

This is not the everyday movie you see! It is the convergence of the finest skills and arts.

.. crap.

Okay so I am so pro that GP tutor can even tell how smart I am (which i think im not. there are many others whom is definitely smarter than me) from the mere scribblings on my foolscap paper.

Maths tutor assume i do all my tutorials (which i never once did even one tutorial ever since i entered jc). lol. all i do is play computer games whole day and lamenting on the failure of my love life(aka my life).

And i got a crappy AACO. Stupid chemistry.. got 34 marks.. now O. Means i qualify for an Ordinary GCE level pass. what crap.

my physics got C.. which i dam bu shuang.. somemore percentile so low.. wtf la.

I gotta work hard.
Got 29/40 for my last physics test which i took YESTERDAY. lol teacher mark dam fast.
Im quite pleased with the results.. even though the data analysis question i tyco dao siao..
13/20.. where i should be getting like 5. lol.. crap works sometimes.

maths got 72.. which is 4 marks improvement.. but test is not reliable 1.. i only hope i can get near 80 for my jct... so as to get an A..

My s papers leh.. physics still coping ok.. but the new laws such as Mallu's law which is very alien to me and techniques such as phasor diagram is kinda alien too. never use b4.

maths s i am just like a spectator. the vectors is worse.. i nvr revise dont know the basics, let alone s paper stuff.

GP got 46. dam sian. my compo 26.5 which is vv high in my class le
then my compre 1 is 19 1 is 12.. lol.. thats why 46.
the 12 one my content got 4 language 8.. lol if i spend my time carefully doing a few qns i could have gotten more than 4 marks.. funny sia.

wanted to type the whole comments out but i lazy liao. scanner spoilt long ago also. so there, no full comments.

i just hope i can get at least AAAB or AABB for my jct. chem must jia you for next week's full organic chem test.

[Updated] By demand of the great Q*

"Gibson is obviously an intelligent student who can absorb ideas as well as think. He can do better by learning to focus on the question, instead of going off at a tangent. This is a skill which he has yet to acquire and which is not beyond his reach" - Mdm Lim, GP tutor

"An intelligent student with a high aptitude for math and sciences. Unassuming and keen to improve himself, he pays close attention to the tutor during lessons to ensure he has understood and clarified every bit of concept. An A+ student." - Mr Cute Wong, Maths tutor

"Gibson has good knowledge of the subject. Has the capability to do well. Needs to remain focused." - Mr Kao, Computing tutor

"Gibson is very quiet in class. He is able to work and study on his own. However, it would be good for him to ask questions at times to deepen his understanding on ths(typo) subject." -Mrs Loo, Physics tutor

"Gibson is a consistent worker who is capable of producing quality work. He is an independent learner and seldom needs assistance to clarify his doubts. He is self-disciplined and is able to strike a balance between his PDP and school work. While he is attentive during lessons, he tends to remain silent and seldom contribute his answers for further discussions. He can ask questions more often to check his understanding of his concepts."

Subj Marks Grade Percentile
GP 46 C6 29
Maths 72 A 92
Comp 83 A N/A
Physics 59 C 73
Chem 34 O 60

My comments:
GP- Lol.. i thought going off at normal is worse? check ur absolute word obviously lol

Math- u assume too much lol..

Comp- focus on?

physics- i concur..

chem- u stalk me meh.. how u know what i do in pdp.. lol.. yeah and im a consistent worker. you mean i get O, 34 marks all the time? lol

Juliet, Juliet, wherefore art thou, Juliet?

For this cruel fate i protest, which i have done nothing wrong, only less.
Why would star-crossed lovers be destined to part?
Why my love thou would never devise,
perhaps until the day death sets us apart?

is the end coming again?

I CANT BELIEVE IT. I AM LOSING MEMORIES OF YOU.
Is this a sign? that we are fated to leave each other.

the brochure with you inside together with the ticket.. has been THROWN AWAY.
I dont blame my mother.. but im just very very sad about it.

then there was 3 days ago my father suddenly came back with a new phone.
he said he 'upgraded my plan' (obviously upgraded my plan to buy his new 3G fone at a cheaper rate..) then i have to use this new damn sim card. and so the only wonderful memories that we share, the smses, are left behind in the old sim card, which cannot be used anymore except to view the smses..

im losing you fast.. too fast..

i need you
please come back to me..

my life big joke.

i hate it man. We even visit the same site at the same time. And yet all these you will never know.

Heaven's making fun of me.

Maroon 5: This love

This love has taken its toll on me, she said goodbye too many times before..

and yes she is leaving again. Even though im not even sure that im that person you are referring to(yes, once again), you are again doing such things to me. How unfair.

Can't you love me like how you love that person. You don't need to care about anything. You would just wish to be with him. But when you said you love me, it's never the same. And that you always have to leave at the end.

Maybe I don't know how to love a woman. Maybe im not who you are looking for. Handsome linguistic man, equipped with latest fashion.

I really tried very very hard to give you everything. Every night since 2 years ago i have been thinking of you. I wonder how are you doing, I wonder when would you be a part of my life. All these looked so impossible as time passes.. as you start to forget me.

If there is no such thing as the law, and if i know that you have the slightest feeling for me, i would have ran to you. I would have grabbed you, never let you go. But once again i thought of your feelings. What if you dont like me at all? What if my these actions would only make things worse. So many what ifs. IF i was to be rational all these while, i would have listened to you, when you said you never loved me and all the while you treated me like a friend, when you asked me to look for a better girl..

All these while had made me realise that love is about you. And not me. If i had cared for myself, i think i would have given you up the day you said you love me never. I just want to be there when you need me. When the world turns against you, when you feel lost. When you just needed a person to lie on and cry.

Can't love be simpler? Can we stop complicating things now? I only wish to be by your side. I have once dreamt of us in the evergreen pastures, gazing stars at night, watching sunrises on the hilltop with you lying on my shoulder, flying kites in the day, and of course the sunsets.

But you are leaving now, never to return to me. Again. Who should i believe now? You who said you never loved me. Or you who said you missed me.. But everything's too late now. It doesnt matter anymore. You're leaving. I'm dying.

New timetable hurray!

When our VP said during last 2 weeks that the order of the periods will be the same, but the periods will be shortened to 55 mins from an hour, my class is like wt*? This is because the AO chinese students have already got back their results and all have already withdrawn from the subject, resulting in the very large number of empty periods in our timetable.. just imagine a period is 1 hour.

But today was a surprise to us. The timetable has been amended! Yay!! Wooooo-hoo! After much calculations i found out that the new timetable saved me a whooping 295 mins. A total of 4 hours and 55 freaking minutes!!! That's like enough for me to complete 9 DOTA games or 15 standard Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne 1 vs 1 games. omfg..............
just compare this new one with this old one!!!

wooohoooooooooo Mrs Pang roCks!

Today maths s paper i thought i will be receiving messages such as "sorry you are unsuitable to take maths s paper" or "you should take the time to focus more on your core subjects" but in the end the lecturer said that our own tutors would have marked it and are returning to us as soon as possible.. my maths period is tmr... stressedddd. he also added that if we score above 30% of the total marks which is 21/64, we can try to continue s paper. i think i will get 20s, P(X <25>20) = 0.65 !! if not 10s le.. then hope to appeal.. may the force be with me...

Ramblings from a lovelorn man.

Bereft man i am. No doubt.
How unfair it is that it's a sin for a man to cry.
And yet, in the society today,
it is uncommon to find a loving man unhurt
from the cruelty of women.

Maybe love got into me so much that i have
turned into a madman.
For many years I have been searching for
something worth living for.
I found love.
But it is love now that's making me so depressed!
What perfect irony.

Something that is so beautiful. So Magnificant.
Yet deadly. Entangling.
A double-edged sword for one who do not
know how to manage it.
A amazing thing called love.
That i so yearn for,
from the very woman i love.

Brightsparks scholarship preparatory workshop. Not?

Well i think this workshop worked just right for me. I've got all that i need to know in just the first 5 mins of the workshop. "If you are looking for high salaries, or wish to set up your own companies, then scholarships are not good for you.". "You can earn higher salaries when you got a good degree with good results and then work in a world class company."

In other words, i could walk out of the workshop right after they say this!

Not that im exactly money minded. Yes, work for passion not for money. Yes, life is not about earning money. I concur. And actually support this notion! Therefore, i intend to get the highest paying job (or at least above 'above average') so that i wont have to work for the money that are neccessary in life. Like money for housing property, family uses, wife:), children and maybe a car. Imagine i can earn all these 3 or 4 times an average person can. I can then retire early, or start enjoying luxury life from a young age. Of course i take into consideration working hours and also working environment. I aint no want overseas job(unless they sponsor sonic planes so i can get home by 7) and super long and 24/7 working hours like Doctors.

But i face a problem. I was classified Investigator. Aka "the Thinker". I'm inquisitive, scientific, observant, logical, curious and indenpendent. Im a f***ing nerd! Me aint no entreprenueristic hood yo. Aint no cool. Aint no mama's cookies. I can set up a hotel branch and would end up me living on the trees yo(ok cold joke in case you never got it). So there ain not big money and gold bling blings for meh yo.

But then again i hate studying. so ain no world class companies and kick ass jobs. sigh...

Brand new look.

A brand new look for my blog. More cheerful setting i would say. No, not that i have finally got back love. It's just a sudden urge. To make life better. Sort of a like automated mechanism inside every living organism. Clogging and self-repair of wounds.

But the wound would never heal completely. Even if it really would, the scar of that remains will be like the trigger of the gun pointing towards my own head.

But in this lonely world. I shall pursue the lonely lane. One of which few would venture in this materistic and degenerate world. I shall persist on. Fulfilling my promise of forever love. A long road ahead. To the end of time.

终剧






末日之恋 - 张智成

剩下没多少时间
让我再唱一首歌给你
一过了今夜世界就毁灭
我想我还有一天
可以学会如何来爱你
在来不及以前渴望来得及

闭上眼睛忍住泪别哭泣
末日前夕请留在我怀里
看太阳暗去月光失明
我只想牵你的指尖绕地球最后一圈
黑夜降临别害怕我爱你
末日前夕请留在我怀里
我在这世界最眷恋的事情
就是曾拥抱你


多想永远拥抱你
我感受到什么在剧烈颤抖
是天空或者你的手
别让任何事情打断我看着你
最后一次看着你



再一次拥有 - 龚诗嘉

我想念去年的冬天
下着雪的那一夜
你给的温柔
紧握的双手
温暖整个寒冬

失去了曾经的拥有
在你离开以后
带走了笑容
只留下寂寞
忘了幸福是什么

没有你的夜特别的漆黑
只能闭上双眼去感觉
没有我的夜谁在你身边
代替了那个从前

能不能再听一次你说爱我
回到还在你怀里的时候
能不能让我再一次拥有
曾属于我的温柔
能不能让我再一次拥有
曾属于我的温柔

time lag.

it's valentine's day today. im back to one year ago.

at the promised somewhere stands me. we could have been there together last year, and even this year.

i waited. waited for your shadow. be it if you were to pass by coincidently, i would be utmost contented. there i finished my food. thought of what we could be by now. thought of what we could be in the future. like a fantasing kid. but i dont want it to be a fantasy. i want it to be real. but time crept slowly, together with my hope.

a wasted trip people might say. but i think it was a rewarding trip. i was able to seclude myself from my daily work, and friends. spending the important 1 hour, hoping for a miracle. i asked you out a year ago, but ended up rejected. this year i didnt ask you out, and i waited for you there. isnt it funny?

a few more days before my last attempt and my life hinges on it.

Coldplay - Clocks

Lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
You've put me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead (singing)
Come out of things unsaid, shoot an apple of my head (and a)
Trouble that can't be named, tigers waiting to be tamed (singing)
You are, you are

Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks (gonna)
Come back and take you home, I could not stop, that you now know (singing)
Come out upon my seas, curse missed opportunities (am I)
A part of the cure, or am I part of the disease (singing)

You are [6x]
And nothing else compares
Oh no nothing else compares
And nothing else compares

You are [continues in background]
Home, home, where I wanted to go [4x]

back.

old songs are playing back,
together with those sad memories.
once again my heart shatters, amidst the already broken red shards.
heart, once hardened becomes more brittle than before.

will i ever get over this crisis?
i never believed that you dont love me.
and i am going to ask you again.
will i have the truth slapped in my face again?
that horrible truth that may most probably
end my miserable life.

why would i die because of a woman?
because i am me..

Been long.

I miss you alot.
Most of the time I would uncontrollably mouth your name.
Your name it has not found a place in my voice.
I'm too scared. You denied me so many times.

Perhaps I'm born to be strong, but you cant doubt the pain I'm undergoing.
Sometimes I wonder why do i still cling on to you,
like a irritating pest. Maybe my love for you is too deep.
Too too deep. For my own good. It's like my purpose in life is to
make a happier you. Sometimes I think I can be happy just by seeing you happy.
But now I'm confused. Cos my life is so meaningless without you in my sight,
in my life, without me in your sight, in your life.

When will you come back?

Maybe I'm asking for the impossible, like a unworthy scum trying to win the
heart of a angel.

Should I?

Im not sure whom you are referring to.
Should i believe what you once told me?
That what you write is just unreal.
Or should i believe what you are trying to tell me now.
My senses failed me once(or maybe not, hopefully)
maybe im making up everything myself again..

If there is a slightest chance that you love me,
then im in what im in now. a state of dilemma.
Am i just a lifeboat to save you from your sunken cruise?
But then again i would gladly well be one. To see you happy again.
Or am i just a fleeting desire, like the one everyone has?
But then again i would gladly well be one. For your love i would die to have, be it for a second or for eternity.

Should i find you and cure us of our pain? Should i put an end to all these messy things?

Then again, are all those meant for me? Maybe it's your stress acting up again, needing someone to care for you.
Maybe im not even anything to you. Not even a person you hate.
Then i would disappear slowly. dissolve. vaporise. leaving no trace of me in this cruel world.

偏偏喜欢你

愁绪挥不去苦闷散不去
为何我心一片空虚
感情已失去一切都失去
满腔恨愁不可消除
为何你的嘴里总是那一句
为何我的心不会死
明白到爱失去一切都不对
我又为何偏偏喜欢你

爱已是负累相爱似受罪
心底如今满苦泪
旧日情如醉此际怕再追
偏偏痴心想见你
为何我心分秒想着过去
为何你一点都不记起
情义已失去恩爱都失去
我却为何偏偏喜欢你

Everything I do, I do it for you.

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Bryan Adams - Everything I Do (I Do It For You)

happy bdae!

happy bdae to you! without you i wouldn't be here!.. (coldness....................)

1 day before..

1. cigarettes
2. beer
3. pub
4. nothing.
5. m18 movies maybe.
6. my wishing.

Invulnerable.

How i wish im invulnerable, but im not. Love is.
Im really curious what's inside me, that makes me keep on loving you,
even though u told me to get the fuck off and find a better girl.
But it was like whatever and all i want is you.
And even until now its still true.

You dont believe in my forever.
You chose to give me up.
I never gave up.
But you still dont believe, even until now.

I really miss you.
Maybe one day we will see each other again, face to face.
Whats gonna happen then..?
I guess you would have forgotten me by then.
And i will be a one you wish you didnt see that day.

等待

我不知道你是否曾经爱过我.
不过我很确定我爱上了你.

这不是一首歌,请别弄错. 你对我的冷漠, 我以悲痛来面对.
你造成的伤, 已没有愈合的迹象.
我只能在梦中遇见你了.

有时好怀疑你所说的一切.
我已习惯只相信美好的回忆, 那让我觉得我在一场最凄美的爱情故事,
那令我感受到快乐的意思的那一回忆.

我知道爱是要讲缘分. 我想我们有缘无分吧..

我可还在等待, 你是否知道?
但是你知道了又能改变了什么呢?

该你的就该是你的.

One sided soulmates

What would you do if it was you?
What would you try when theres nothin else to do?
No fact or fiction, a cleaner kitchen, a thousand apolgies
Nothin can change it, just gotta face it, she's got to leave.

Is there any way that I can make her stay?
Is there anyone out there who knows the magic words to say?
Maybe I've just got to let her go...

Somebody's made a big mistake.
One-sided soulmates only have one heart to break.
This is the story of an idiot and an angel
An unbroken connection that haunts me still.

Won't someone please cut this line.
I can drown this feeling, but I'm running out of wine.
So whats the big deal, I feel what she feels, but thats where it ends
My baby she could carry, then one day we'd marry, but she tells me we're just friends

Somebody's made a big mistake.
One-sided soulmates only have one heart to break.
This is the story of an idiot and an angel
An unbroken connection that haunts me still.

Is there any way that I can make her stay?
Is there anyone out there who knows the magic words to say?
Maybe I've just got to let her go...
Maybe I've just got to let her go...

------------------------------------------------
a poem taken from the web.

There.

I must thank God and you for the 10 seconds today.. and it is 5-10m now.
I could feel my heart racing when I was that near.

But sad memories and thoughts they keep coming back.
Tonight I'm haunted again.

Thank you.

I dunno who should i thank.. God? maybe.. or you?

Thank you for letting me see you again. Although it was really 5 secs.. and i was at 50m away..
but still, that is enough.

One can't ask for more.

My timetable...

my freaking timetable. shaded are teh subjects that im involved in. bear in mind each period is 1 hour. p.s. i did this timetable using excel leh!! not bad hor? nice rite!

..... so i have 2 days where sch ends at 6.15. 1 day(pdp) at 6.30... 1 day at 5.15 and last day at 4.15..
so pls pls pls pls pls dont complain ur timetable in front of me!! hmppph!! (just kidding haha)

then my cca is tentatively wed and thurs.. which may change to friday..(becos fri has designated pdp slots..)

so.. my timetable simply rox la.
does tj provide sleeping bags? T_T

This love..

as usual. everytime i open the blogger i would be momentarily stunned at this page,
i would forget what i would want to say.

i was hoping that my entry could be more natural this time. but then again, i wonder why is that so.

you had gone away. just like that. it's been like one and a half month already. maybe you have clean forgotten me. maybe im just like another tree by your road in life, so insignificant, so easily forgotten. every night is like a nightmare. and every time i thought of why things have to become this way, my heart would shatter like it was an glass vase fallen from the thousandth floor.

it's always me. it was as though i was the only one in love. until you told me so that that's the truth. disillusioned. even until when hope came. that you wasn't you.
all in that cyberspace web. but who should i trust this time? you? or you?

i've fallen in this paradox you've created.

sch is starting. will there be a chance where i will see you again? five seconds and i would be contented. but after all, would that matter? you would still be you in your would full of false and act, and me, dead as ever without you.

Happy New Year.

Here's my last yr's review and this yr's list of hopes.

sucks. okok. good.

Review(in chronological order):
Acne.. wtf>???(sorry for being vulgar hahax)
TJ orientation T_T
O lvl results..
Sch posting..aka JAE
JCT.
Promos.
Truth revealed...(haix..)
night hike!! with gay frens except qw..
XMas! lots of prezzie
Countdown at marina bay with wangzi and 4F (some..)
Lotsa jokes during the trip and back home!

Hopes:
1. Get a girlfriend. (haix.. who can i blame.. im ugly and not clever and not funny and so quiet.. can someone help me out? haha..)
2. 4As 2 Distinctions..
3. Happy.
4. World a better place!


im very sick now... just came back from marina bay.. walked alot.. blog another day soon..

Merry X'mas.

If you can hear me say something today,
all I wish is to say "I Love You".
I know you don't even like me in any way,
Love can't be forced, yeah i know. And that's why I still love you.

I know I would be hurt. But I just have to keep on loving.
Once heard a saying "If people do not love you, love them anyway."
I hope you are really having a great time now..

A new year is coming. What can be new next year?
New sorrow? New sadness? Life's like this.
The more you expect the more you'll be disapointed.
So I'm not having any new year wishes for next yr.
Just living my life till it ends.

And I've got many many presents from my relatives. Thank you all! I like them very much.

Merry lonely x'mas gibson.

Always.

Always been wondering.
Always been afraid.
Always thinking.
Always you.

Always thought I knew.
Always you.
Always thought you knew.
Always me.

Always missing.
Always me and you.
Always waiting.
Always you.

Always me thinking.
Always silly things.
Always hurt.
But always worth it.
Always your happiness.

暧昧

杨丞琳-暧昧

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进
何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气
只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情
还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景
到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还是你
我很不服气
也开始怀疑
眼前的人
是不是同一个
真实的你
暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你
写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽
停在这里
wo……
hu…wo…

Dreams.

I dreamt of you last night.
Isn't surprising. I dream of you every night.
In my every dream you are smiling. and the smiles keep me going on.
I wonder when will I get to see you again.

I wish when the next time I see you,
you would smile like you did in my dreams.
But I know very well, dreams are dreams.
If dreams do come true so easily, there wouldn't be so many
going into great lengths to realise their dreams.

And so another day passes, without you.
I hate it. It's like I'd never lived at all.
All the time wasted when I'm not with you.
I pray I can see you soon enough.
and hope for the best when I really do see you.

Starry

Quietly, the starlight glows
Moments shared, not long ago
So true so long, hmm..

The stars above,
You and me in this glow.

The nights so dear, hmm..
Sparkling, dazzling
Stars and us alone.

I Love You

I love you, if it is what you need.
Would you mind me giving it to you?

Now that we're here, so far away.
Dreams are hard to share,
but i really hope
the one i dreamt is really you.

I love you, i truly do,
but what if i dont love you by saying,
I love you.. ?
I love you.

Hope you know.

That's Why You Go Away

I hope you are doing fine there without me,
cos I'm not doing so good without you.
My tomorrows are full of hopes,
Hopes I do not dare to dream about.

I know, the more I hope,
the more disapointment i will get.
And I wish you would hate me a little less,
I hope you would add me back.

But I know, it wouldn't be so soon.
I wonder why, but I'm certain I have to wait.
And so passes a lonely day,
a day without you.


MLTR - That's Why (You Go Away)

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head

Chorus:
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head

Chorus:
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong...

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

Chorus
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong...

lonely.

It's here again.
The lonely wind.
It sets me thinking of you,
your smile and your everything.

And I'm waiting,
as though tomorrow you'll be mine.
But that will never happen.
After all, I'm only your compassion.

I hope you'd be happy today,
all safe and fine.
And so I'd wait for you all the same,
until the day I'm yours.

white flag

I.. don't know why am i feeling this way..
So lost, so desolated.
Im afraid of thinking.. i avoid thinking.
Thinking of you, thinking of why things end up this way.

One thing for sure.. i still love you.
You told me to find a better girl..
I've tried telling myself that too.
But at night, im still thinking of you.

You haunt me.
You may hate me, but i wish i could hate you.
I just can't.
Im sorry.

Right now i can only hope.
Hope that you will be happy everyday.
Life's not long.
I wish you can enjoy every moment of it.

And so one year had past
So fast, it's like last year
was just yesterday.
So theres no problem with loving you another 99 years.

and of course, forever.

heres a song for this occasion:
Dido - White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of 'It's over'
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

coincidence?

Brandy - Have You Ever? Lyrics


[Chorus]
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Chorus]

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you into my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep
[Chorus]

Dead.

My graphics card is dead. ok i mean its fan.. i went to clean it.. then it didn't appreciate.. it just died after i've cleaned it.

now it cant last 5 mins of gta3 san andreas ='( (it could last 30mins - 1hr previously..) time to get a better gfx card or cooler.. zzz

so cold.

im.. so cold now. so alone. so afraid. so.. cold. it's so cold..

no comments

im so fucked up in life that i dont want to say about it anymore.

wcg over. ok its over.

bought a mouse, or rather my aunt bought it for me. its my favourite razer copperhead first edition. most fucked up thing is.. tempest blue is more exp than other 2 colours (chaos green and red) by 20 dollars? i bought at 139.. i know.. im ripped off by challenger. but my aunt was there and lazy to go half a island to buy it at 129.

no games interest me except GTA which my comp cant play. will auto restart. video card overheat i suppose.

and i really screwed my life up so hard that its so holy(hole-y).

104th

our love becoming more fa wei. no more love. nobody cares. but who cares. as long as you care. but you dont care. so what now?

they say dont put too much love into someone who doesnt treasure. but true love dont expect returns. so what now? maybe im asking for things that are unreachable. true love. who gifs a shit. the girls dont. and the guys. so no one gifs a shit.

maybe im the unreachable one. but i think you're unreachable. time.. time is like poison.

maybe the love im finding is not from you. you are master at breaking my heart.

103rd

my watch is finally revived! the strap broke some days ago.. and i had to go to OP w/o a watch haha. Im quite weird 1.. i wear watch 24/7. even when i sleep. somehow if i dont feel a thing strapped at my wrist i will feel insecured. if i dunno the time when i wan to know i also will feel insecured. like lost. Lost in the space of time. haha. maybe im mad. but hey, isn't gibson mad?

yeah and the love story below is crap. dunno why everytime post those things few days later feel weird. then wan to remove it like that.. but since i spend so much time typing it i'll keep for my own reference nxt time ba.

so me and my love are still seperated. many evil ones are now asking my close frens who is that one hor.. let me tell u all myself. she's beautiful! yeah that's it. so you all know who to eliminate le hor? no more *man ok? lol...

actually alw see me type so happily rite.. i also actually dun feel happy de la.. maybe its my nature to bring smiles to the world or wad.. i have tried alot times when im really sad then i told myself to not to smile the whole day. in the end i dont even survive the morning assembly.. cos when i look at hui kiang, whose cg is beside me then i wan to laugh lol.. dont ask me why. he is also always grinning de.

so may all true lovers get their true love ba. sigh..

my love story.

when i crossed thousands of rivers and climbed over thousands of mountains to your mansion, all you did was smiling and waving at me behind the closed window. then there was rain and i was still outside your fence. i still waited until one day i fainted and someone sent me home using the address written on my identity card inside my wallet.

then you released your pigeon and it flew to my window once again. saying you love me and need me back.

once again i crossed those rivers and climbed over those mountains. i dont feel tired this time. because i knew i had you. but when i finally reached, you were inside your house again, by the window. this time you had flowers as well, and were smiling more beautifully. there again i waited.

this time i wondered.. is it that the pigeon had gone to the wrong window? maybe im just a beggar in her eyes which yearn for the sight of her lover.

oh how i wish i could faint again. this time waking up to feel like it had all been a dream.

101st

anyway that was the 100th post.. so there's no centennial post for my blog's bdae which is 25th nov. haha.

i hate nights. everytime when being forced to sleep.. i had to lie on the bed where i cannot sleep. then i would think about alot things again.. i sometimes would blame my parents for asking to sleep early as "wasting my youth" or rather recently where i subconsciously knew there's no more youth left, "wasting my life away". It's like im not tired, why make me sleep? Or rather, make me lie on the bede thinking crap.

then, i would think that doing what in life would have the most meaning in life. because mapling 24 hours a day is crap although its fun sometimes. should i go find a girl of my dreams and ask her to roam the world with me and when we saw a very very nice place like a grassland beside a seashore(must be clean shore, no sharks, hahaha) then we would build a house (or rather find someone to build cos it will be more comfy.. imagine all hardwood then alot splinters haha. i would prefer ceremics then..) At night, she wont find gazing the stars with me a bore... then we have lots of kids..... but then again, where do i find food? if can find then where would i find the money? lol.. so its money matters again. dam sian. Then again, where would i find such a girl? even when i think i already have.. but i think she wont do such things with me la? right? (hopefully she will...)

New template!

Yeah new template that i made today =p used 5 hours to do haha.. at nite then blog.. leave comments for my new template haha :)

Zap!

oh ya yesterday was so scary. there was a thunderstorm at my area, and the zap frequency was more than 5 times per second.. and as i said, the lightning killed my house power twice.

sigh. if there is no pw now, everything will be perfect.

but there is still pw.. unescapable fact. my pw is on the 10th. same as qingwei. quite scary to think pw is 10% of uni entry score.. but who cares? lol.

jc holidays are so long.. quite song.. and im playing maple again T.T lol..
tmr i'll be buying prepaid card.. (yea im a money waster..) because i like the pet in the game VVVV Much. lol. white bunny rock my world.. and im gonna name it.... =)

ok its late now.. i blog becos i dun wanna people come my site then see the olympiad shit. people may think im haolianing or wad lolx..

heres one joke to lighten up people's mood, a joke that i haven even start thinking of after this sentence..

here it goes: "What thing that we use everyday is the least welcomed?"



ans: "tissue (ti-shooo!!)" quite lame i know lolx.

Singapore Physics Olympiad. No?

so today is the day.. physics olympiad. quite hate to hear this two words as time goes. Anyway, today was fun lolx.. Firstly, NUS is not short of pretty girls haha. They're EVERYWHERE. Secondly, canteen is quite a fun place.. although the food a lil more exp compared to college's(roast chicken rice + veggie = $2.30). Then, before we went in, we sat at a bench outside the LT. Yes. Our theory paper is done in LT. At LT seats. Then the other olympiad students talked and met their friends.. I met Weiming.. pres of [ac]².. omg he is in NUS>?? and i saw him at medicine/computing block.. One person then said, "wow, almost half of the SIA scholars are here." i am like.. wtf?

Then we went in. haha... found out one very imbalanced shit. TJC had 4 by 3 seats (we had 10 students).. HCI had 3 by 9 seats (they had 26..). its like omg? imagine the highest of the 3 rows is Gold medals, then 2nd row is Silver, then last is Bronze LOL. ok nvm.. then i saw zhao ke i think.. or another scholar from ahs.. omg he was talking to a girl.. so jian..

When the guy said the paper is 4-hour long, the crowd went "huh??" (cos notice is 1-6pm). when he said there are 8 questions everyone say "WAAA" lol.. but the qns are shorter tts y.. well i managed to do 3(2 of which i think wrong..) and i tikamed 2 qns.. (by anyhow subbing equations to get marks..) so i really hope i wont get COP... (Certificate of Participation)

TPJC was quite funny.. one whole bunch left 30 mins after the exam started.. lol..(they were the last to enter too..) tj had its own share of leavers.. OMG LEAVERSS.. GO AWAY NOOBS. DONT PLAY DOTA. oopss haha.

after everything.. the torture comes.. when on the mrt on the longggggggg journey home.. there lives many scholars discussing the paper.. and when they said "is that ..... t to the power of 4?" then they said "YA!" "YEAH" while im at there "wtf...(my heart speaking)" WT*** they talking about?? haha. cant blame.. cos they are scholars. They are born to study.. lolx.

so that concludes my day.

Love.

bored.

ok today im gonna blog happy things.. i know i've been acting crazily over like.. 1 year? well that's wad love can do to a person.

ok.. so let me start off with a joke i thought of 5 secs b4 i typed this fullstop -> .
What is big, smelly.. has horns.. and love looking at white words on grass? =)

here's 2nd one.. what program would the cat make after it learnt its first programming language?



and here's the answers: 1) you 2) "hello kitty"
the 2nd answer i think only computing frens know.. programmers often make the "hello world" program in their first tutorial or somthing.. so cats = "hello kitty" lolx..


haha came back from bro's bday chalet le.. i earned a 5000% profit through gambling lolx.. i started with ten cents and won 5 dollars... yeah.. 2 days to physics olympiad theory paper le..

20/10/05

Does anyone know what are we living for?
No. i dont need eternal life cause this life is bad enough.

Does anyone know what are we living for?
No. i dont need a god to tell me im pathetic.

Does anyone know what are we living for?
No. i dont need money cause they are not worth dying for.

Does anyone know what are we living for?
No. i dont need glamour cause i have bad looks.

Does anyone know what are we living for?
No. i dont need love cause i already have enough.

Does anyone know what are we living for?
No. i dont need hate cause i have enough hate for this world.

Does anyone know what are we living for?
No. i dont need answers because i dont think no one knows.

somehow the answers do not answer the question.
weird right? like affairs of heart.

hahaha.

hahaha. look funny doesnt it? sounds funny doesnt it? hahaha. NO! im just practising my hypocrisy. so that i can BLEND into this world.. to ensure my survival in this world.

yea and the word "i love you" means nothing. it only means "can i break your heart now??" and when u said "i love you too" you mean "yes im dumb and pls break my heart now."

shouldnt have loved? maybe its all my fault. i wish i can die now.

a girl

just watched tje taiwanese variety show "kang xi lai le".. featuring the recently v famous lin zhiling.. well she talked abt many things... then there was the part where they ask if she would like a guy who is poor.. she said OK. then ask if he is v fat. she thought for a sec and said OK. then when asked if the guy 24/7 watch tv. she said "as long as he holds my hand while watching it.." she also said she dun care wad he do as though he holds her hand.. omg..

i was quite surprised.. that such a girl exist. and her thoughts remain unchanged.. even though shes so pretty and so famous now.. she would do anything for love.. and is so cute!! if only there exist more of such girls who values love like that. she vould go hungry as long as shes with the man she love.

and my love is the same. i hope hers is too. (not lin zhiling)

..

im starting to hate this blog more. cos everytime i blog i will blog something that most wont like. love, results, thoughts. who gives a fuck. and not forgeting posts filled with suicidal notions and just plain attitute dysfunction.

and there i got into physics olympiad (been there done that. u said it enough times already) but this time becos top 10 of 12 left in olympiad will then be chosen to represent. i got 80% for promos so i got 4th among the 12. 1st was some 93 marks 2nd 91 3rd 89 then hmm 4th = me? yeah and theres people who say "world is unfair" or "why are some people so hardworking and yet they dun get what they deserve while some fking idiots just keep getting gd results!??!" well for that. y not ask ur favourite idol. the jerusalem idol. the man whom you all live for. praise him! yea. he.. well i mean HE got his reasons. dun ask me! me small yo HE is BIG man. TEH DUDE to ask.

so dun look as if im at fault. im just telling the truth. and 3/4 people would say(though i think they werent meant to hurt any1) "well that's the diff btw stupid people and smart people" .. well theres 2 errors in that statement. first im not clever. (if i am i would already be inventing things now? than struggling with feasibility crap in the godlike subject called PW. yea its BIG too.). second, if you think you're stupid.. well.. apparently by most.. its quite stupid to say that, and quite clever to find out if u really are?

so what i get gd results w/o working hard? at least im not sleeping in lectures. who's to blame? me? i didnt wake you up during lectures and well try to tell you to break off with your bfs and gfs and just stfu and listen to lectures and lessons? i have been listening v closely to lessons since primary 1? sometimes i see teacher wtfing explaining the same thing over and over again. something quite obvious but due to ur choice of wanting to have a merrier time during lesson times( yea share jokes, sleep, gossip. wadever.) then you dun understand a shit?

call me a mugger or wadever. and yea i study behind your backs man. i dont play computer at home. and i lie about my performance wadever. i wont say what i dun feel. if its feeling of me gonna fail. it sure is. dun fuck and say "yea rite" or wadever. when i really fail, do i get sympathy? no 1 cares anyway.

You have changed.

You have changed. That's obvious. Changed to someone i would not prefer.
But hey, i've said i'd love you forever. and forever does not end now.
That's why this results in something called heartbreak, a word abused by many.
And i wonder if i had made the right choice.

a must go.

http://thelaptop.blogspot.com/ taken from qw's links

just typing crap.

she:

would never need me.
would never miss me.
would never look for me. [?]
would never say she loves me. [?]
would never leave me.
would never forget me. [?]
would never be with me.
would never do things just for me.
would never believe me.

i:

would never stop loving you.
would never stop thinking of you.
would never hate you.
would never stop giving in to you.
would never stop pissing you off.
would never stop dreaming of you.
would never believe you. [?]

you:

should be bored by now.
should be going to press the [x] button now.
should be v bo liao reading my blog.
should know im bo liao too. by now.


Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable.

o.O

dont think this is v true..

Your Birthdate: January 23

With a birthday on the 23rd of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility. Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an excellent traveling companion.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

haix..

wan dan le.. fail gp mock exam le..

dunno why i feel the way i feel again.. its all coming back.. maybe becos it has been too long since.......

I wish I didn't wish so hard. Maybe I wished our love apart.

entry in chinese

for those who cant see.. go View -> Encoding -> unicode

我的痛苦谁能了解..? 当爱带来的伤痛比快乐还多, 我们是否应该继续交往下去?? 可是我们跟本不在交往.. 有些事不能说, 当说了又有谁会体会我的为难? 如果我追求你, 你的梦想将不能实现.. 那你不是会难过..? 但是我当然不舍得离开你.. 没了你我怎么活.? 但是你的幸福比一切都重要.. 可却不知你认为我的爱护带来的幸福是否比追求梦想的还好.. 那么久没见到你, 不知道怎么做..


搁浅-周杰伦
词:宋健彰 曲:周杰伦

久未放晴的天空 依旧留着你的笑容
哭过却无法掩埋歉疚
风筝在阴天搁浅 想念还在等待救援
我拉着线复习你给的温柔
暴晒在一旁的寂寞 笑我给不起承诺
怎么会怎么会你竟原谅了我

我只能永远读着对白
就当我对你的伤害
我原谅不了我
就请你当作我已不在
我睁开双眼 看着空白
忘记你对我的期待
读完了依赖 我很快就离开

promos.

die la promos coming... i feel v stressed now. i have forgetton lots of things! what is the Un term of a geometric series?? then meanwhile integration slowly disappear from my memory banks..

and im still playing maple... acct got banned i started another.. banned becos i afk trained.. i put my nokia 3310 on the attack button and went to sleep. next morning it says i used macro/autokeyboard(some v advanced programs) LOL..

tmr gonna go down suntec support my 2 frens playing wcg... come down support me also k? lolx support me supporting them!

ok thats lame.. but i really sian now..

i dun understand women, or rather, you. but u are my only woman so it doesnt matter.

Westlife - Miss You

I can't sleep, I just can't breathe
When your shadow is all over me bay
Don't wanna be, a fool in your eyes
'Cause what we had was built in lies

And when our love seems to fade away
Listen to me hear what I say

I don't wanna feel
The way that I do
I just wanna be
Right here with you
I don't wanna see
See us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
I miss you...

What would it take, for you to see
To make you understand that I'll
always believe
You and I, can make it through
And still know, I can't get over you

And when our love seems to fade away
Listen to me hear what I say

I don't wanna feel
The way that I do
I just wanna be
Right here with you
I don't wanna see
See us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
I miss you...

'Cause when our love always
fades away
Listen to me hear what I say

I don't wanna feel
The way that I do
I just wanna be
Right here with you
I don't wanna see
See us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
I miss you...

I don't wanna feel
The way that I do
I just wanna be
Right here with you
I don't wanna see
See us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
I miss you...