long cold nights.

i dont know if you're feeling this way too..

but do you know the nights are getting longer and colder for me?
everytime i lie down on my bed,
my mind will be filled with you,
and memories of you.
i will remember the days where we were in reach,
the days we shared, though not us alone.

at least i was able to see your face then.
your face which lights up the darkness in my heart.
your face which fills the void in heart.

solitude. all that i have got left now is loneliness.
and its driving me crazy.
driving me thin.
and rotting my mind.

i have distanced from my friends. some of them distanced from me too.
i have said things that annoy.
and some things that are arrogant.
i want to be alone.
i only want you by my side.

i was a confident man.
i was agreeable.
i was.. cheerful.
but now im not.

i began to hate everything and everyone.
my mood becomes uncontrollable at times.

time.
time has a habit of slipping away.
you are always busy.
i guess that you didn't, don't and will not have time for me.
i know that you need someone to be there for you everytime you are feeling stressed.
i dont mind being a person who is needed temporarily by you.
to be discarded by you after that.
like a clothing.
at least a clothing can touch you.
shelter you from dirt, dust and rain.
keep you warm when you're cold.
at least i can be with you.

6 more months and i'll be gone.
i will have to serve ns.
and you will start a new life.
university life.
there where you will most likely find someone you like.
and he will be your shelter, your playmate, your listener
your lover, your life, your everything...

...my dream.

and there will be no more winter for you.
i will be nothing.


a winter clothing.