i dreamt of you last night.
now i feel that all the pain i have been enduring is worth it.
to see your face again, even it is formed by my own fading memory,
its enough to negate all my sufferings.
sometimes i wonder why too.
why do you have such a power over me.
why did i have to screw things up.
and now you are ignoring me.
you dont know but its killing me inside.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
you are the butterfly in my stomach
11 months to ord.
sometimes when i think of it,
when you have nothing to do and have no one to talk to u
the feeling is very terrible.
that kind of solitude, it swallows your heart.
it makes you hard to breathe.
its so unbearable.
sometimes i feel that im happier in camp than at home.
because in camp there are your colleagues,
working beside you. they talk cock to you,
they tease you, they play with you.
its fun to be with some company.
whats more camp is such a good place.
where else in this world u can find a job that pays you ard 700-1000+k (if u are a commander)
a month with food and lodging provided when you are not even holding a degree and dont need you to have expertise in any kind of area.
you wake up to your working place every morning.
you can buy food at less than 100m away.
you have people greet you every morning.
you can ask someone whom you dont even know his name to get you a file from your office, or ask him to clean up the toilet.
you have free credits to purchase ur working attire.
you have not much work to do(for some).
you can only find this in the army.
what's more the higher rank you are, the least things you have to do.
but to be able to enjoy such previledges, you have to suffer first.
however, i notice nowadays army has became so slack(especially for some places).
half way through the first 7-day army fieldcamp you can order KFC? this is utter nonsense.
people are now having the wrong impression of army.
"army is slack 1 la."
sentences like "just serve your 2 years and fuck off" are easily passed.
army is no longer place where you grow up, for some.
people who have alot of frustrations in army are on the way to a meaningful NS experience.
army is the place where "Boys become Men"
and not "Pamper the pampered boys"
but whatever the case, i myself have learnt quite alot in army.
and that there are good and very bad regulars in the army.
sometimes when i think of it,
when you have nothing to do and have no one to talk to u
the feeling is very terrible.
that kind of solitude, it swallows your heart.
it makes you hard to breathe.
its so unbearable.
sometimes i feel that im happier in camp than at home.
because in camp there are your colleagues,
working beside you. they talk cock to you,
they tease you, they play with you.
its fun to be with some company.
whats more camp is such a good place.
where else in this world u can find a job that pays you ard 700-1000+k (if u are a commander)
a month with food and lodging provided when you are not even holding a degree and dont need you to have expertise in any kind of area.
you wake up to your working place every morning.
you can buy food at less than 100m away.
you have people greet you every morning.
you can ask someone whom you dont even know his name to get you a file from your office, or ask him to clean up the toilet.
you have free credits to purchase ur working attire.
you have not much work to do(for some).
you can only find this in the army.
what's more the higher rank you are, the least things you have to do.
but to be able to enjoy such previledges, you have to suffer first.
however, i notice nowadays army has became so slack(especially for some places).
half way through the first 7-day army fieldcamp you can order KFC? this is utter nonsense.
people are now having the wrong impression of army.
"army is slack 1 la."
sentences like "just serve your 2 years and fuck off" are easily passed.
army is no longer place where you grow up, for some.
people who have alot of frustrations in army are on the way to a meaningful NS experience.
army is the place where "Boys become Men"
and not "Pamper the pampered boys"
but whatever the case, i myself have learnt quite alot in army.
and that there are good and very bad regulars in the army.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
innocence
all was manageable until yesterday night,
when i found out that avril (that is, avril lavigne the singer) married in 2006!
out of sudden, i felt incredibly sad? or was it some other feeling.
i know that she's canadian, and she is 4 years older than me
she is dam pretty, and she's got the attitude
she's cute and bratty, basically the best damned thing
and THERES NO WAY she will know me and anything will happen between us,
BUT im feeling kinda upset after hearing she's married.
WHY?
issit because its the same feeling as hearing that the girl you like so much got married to someone else but you?
i dont know.
her voice makes my heart tremble,
and my legs weak.
my tears escaped my eyes involuntarily
as i held my mp3 in my hand.
all because of her
------------------------------------
sometimes i wonder why am i so emotional
it wasn't like this before
until i met her.
soemtimes i dont know whether im doing the correct things
to savage a situation
to take away the pain
to undo my mistakes
to repay for my misdoings
so much so that im so afraid.
i live in pain every moment.
wondering whether have i made a mistake somewhere
or have i forgotten to do anything.
sometimes i so hate myself.
when i found out that avril (that is, avril lavigne the singer) married in 2006!
out of sudden, i felt incredibly sad? or was it some other feeling.
i know that she's canadian, and she is 4 years older than me
she is dam pretty, and she's got the attitude
she's cute and bratty, basically the best damned thing
and THERES NO WAY she will know me and anything will happen between us,
BUT im feeling kinda upset after hearing she's married.
WHY?
issit because its the same feeling as hearing that the girl you like so much got married to someone else but you?
i dont know.
her voice makes my heart tremble,
and my legs weak.
my tears escaped my eyes involuntarily
as i held my mp3 in my hand.
all because of her
sometimes i wonder why am i so emotional
it wasn't like this before
until i met her.
soemtimes i dont know whether im doing the correct things
to savage a situation
to take away the pain
to undo my mistakes
to repay for my misdoings
so much so that im so afraid.
i live in pain every moment.
wondering whether have i made a mistake somewhere
or have i forgotten to do anything.
sometimes i so hate myself.
Monday, December 03, 2007
learning.
we all know that learning sometimes get abit hard.
I dont know how to solve this. How? WA LAO...
It sometimes makes you frustrated.
Have you ever wondered what happens when humans keep making more and more discoveries to the point where by his successor would need an entire lifetime to understand his mentor's theories in order to understand that new discovery made by his mentor? I'm talking about when the amount of knowledge far exceeds the capability(speed and space) of the human brain to handle. What do we do when that happens? We split the knowledge up into relevant parts. For example, in Physics we have scientists specialising in different aspect of physics, like quantum physics, astro physics, thermodynamics and so much more.
Well, i dont see it poses any problems? Does it?
What happens if the knowledge itself is split into parts too small to be able to have any apparent use, and yet it requires a tremendous amount of time to research about it? Take a gun for example. Tom has invented a part that is able release a catch by pulling a trigger. But before that, how is he able to convince commercial companies to invest in his research? And how did the university know that this aspect of science/engineering would be useful and hence start a course on how to make a part that releases a catch by pulling a trigger(lets call it triggernometry lol) in the first place? The answer most likely is, they dont.
What im saying is, as knowledge is split to be learnt by different people, the small parts of knowledge loses its cohesiveness. No one is able to get the "general idea" of things before they die of age, or before their brains reach their limit.
So im saying that is there a limit to technological advancement? Where the limiting agent is the human brain itself. The brain is definitely not limitless as the neurons and all the brain cells are limited, unless our brains get larger through evolution OR we manage to increase our capacity and speed of our brains by connecting them with computers(which is quite plausible in the future).
Just something that i thought of last time..
I dont know how to solve this. How? WA LAO...
It sometimes makes you frustrated.
Have you ever wondered what happens when humans keep making more and more discoveries to the point where by his successor would need an entire lifetime to understand his mentor's theories in order to understand that new discovery made by his mentor? I'm talking about when the amount of knowledge far exceeds the capability(speed and space) of the human brain to handle. What do we do when that happens? We split the knowledge up into relevant parts. For example, in Physics we have scientists specialising in different aspect of physics, like quantum physics, astro physics, thermodynamics and so much more.
Well, i dont see it poses any problems? Does it?
What happens if the knowledge itself is split into parts too small to be able to have any apparent use, and yet it requires a tremendous amount of time to research about it? Take a gun for example. Tom has invented a part that is able release a catch by pulling a trigger. But before that, how is he able to convince commercial companies to invest in his research? And how did the university know that this aspect of science/engineering would be useful and hence start a course on how to make a part that releases a catch by pulling a trigger(lets call it triggernometry lol) in the first place? The answer most likely is, they dont.
What im saying is, as knowledge is split to be learnt by different people, the small parts of knowledge loses its cohesiveness. No one is able to get the "general idea" of things before they die of age, or before their brains reach their limit.
So im saying that is there a limit to technological advancement? Where the limiting agent is the human brain itself. The brain is definitely not limitless as the neurons and all the brain cells are limited, unless our brains get larger through evolution OR we manage to increase our capacity and speed of our brains by connecting them with computers(which is quite plausible in the future).
Just something that i thought of last time..
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
bleach
I try to escape before my shadow is fully cast
flying away, not bothering to notice my wings have fallen off.
A sweet scent from far, far away drifts across the street corner
and I hear a familiar voice crying out.
How much further can we make it,
with only the night wind's fleeting hopes to carry us?
The world trembles like it wants to stop us,
taking everything away.
I'm not dreaming anymore,
and we haven't done anything yet, but we'll keep going.
flying away, not bothering to notice my wings have fallen off.
A sweet scent from far, far away drifts across the street corner
and I hear a familiar voice crying out.
How much further can we make it,
with only the night wind's fleeting hopes to carry us?
The world trembles like it wants to stop us,
taking everything away.
I'm not dreaming anymore,
and we haven't done anything yet, but we'll keep going.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
a little of me.
people say "i have a dream".
which means he/she has something in mind that he/she hope can materialise.
if that's the case. i dream to dream.
they say anything can happen in your dreams. sometimes they are what you are thinking the whole day. be it something you fear or something you always wanted. men maketh the dreams and for me, dreams maketh the man. why? in dreams i saw what is seemingly the impossible. what i long for. yes. i saw my dream.
been so busy lately. and feeling quite stressed at my workplace. i thought i had many to say in this blog entry when i was in camp. but it turns out again that whenever this screen is on i cant think anymore.
which means he/she has something in mind that he/she hope can materialise.
if that's the case. i dream to dream.
they say anything can happen in your dreams. sometimes they are what you are thinking the whole day. be it something you fear or something you always wanted. men maketh the dreams and for me, dreams maketh the man. why? in dreams i saw what is seemingly the impossible. what i long for. yes. i saw my dream.
been so busy lately. and feeling quite stressed at my workplace. i thought i had many to say in this blog entry when i was in camp. but it turns out again that whenever this screen is on i cant think anymore.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
mixed feelings
im back from taiwan!
experienced hardships and fun. however, i think 5 weeks is abit too long.
pop loh!
but after i received my initial posting, 41s@r which stands for spore arm0ured regim3nt, i was initially sad because its the xiongest posting and they are heading to aus on the 22nd!!!! its like omg overseas again. not to mention nxt year we are going there to fite at3c again..
but i later realised that unit life is actually quite fun. with men and all those things. i found out that i like to have people ard me. at least i wont feel lonely. at least i feel my own presence.
and wads more, ill be in e same camp and unit as sqw.
but after the pop, suddenly my frens and a sgt told me my posting has been changed to @gts which stands for arm0ur gunn3ry t@ctical simul@t0r. 8-5 aircon. rarely outfield. i was stunned. and at the same time feel nothing and a little of mixed feelings. feel nth becos the posting has changed twice and the people going to @gts keep changing. so this thing cannot be cfmed until mon. a little of mixed feelings because i had already accepted the fact im going 41 and i am mmentally prepared for it. and after all im a trained commander. i wan to put my leadership skills to a test. i wan to lead people. motivate them. change lives. i want to build frenships that cant be broken in e lifetime. i wan to feel loved. i wan to feel my presence. i wan not to be a zombie. i want to live a life. i want to have someone i love. i want to find the right girl. the girl that loves me as much as i love her. i wan to have kids, preferably daughters as they are more obedient and nice. have a good job. i want a life.
a normal person's life.
experienced hardships and fun. however, i think 5 weeks is abit too long.
pop loh!
but after i received my initial posting, 41s@r which stands for spore arm0ured regim3nt, i was initially sad because its the xiongest posting and they are heading to aus on the 22nd!!!! its like omg overseas again. not to mention nxt year we are going there to fite at3c again..
but i later realised that unit life is actually quite fun. with men and all those things. i found out that i like to have people ard me. at least i wont feel lonely. at least i feel my own presence.
and wads more, ill be in e same camp and unit as sqw.
but after the pop, suddenly my frens and a sgt told me my posting has been changed to @gts which stands for arm0ur gunn3ry t@ctical simul@t0r. 8-5 aircon. rarely outfield. i was stunned. and at the same time feel nothing and a little of mixed feelings. feel nth becos the posting has changed twice and the people going to @gts keep changing. so this thing cannot be cfmed until mon. a little of mixed feelings because i had already accepted the fact im going 41 and i am mmentally prepared for it. and after all im a trained commander. i wan to put my leadership skills to a test. i wan to lead people. motivate them. change lives. i want to build frenships that cant be broken in e lifetime. i wan to feel loved. i wan to feel my presence. i wan not to be a zombie. i want to live a life. i want to have someone i love. i want to find the right girl. the girl that loves me as much as i love her. i wan to have kids, preferably daughters as they are more obedient and nice. have a good job. i want a life.
a normal person's life.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Five times.
"I wish I could have five lives.
Then I could have been born in five different towns
and eaten five lifetime's worth of food,
and had five differemt careers,
and..
fallen in love with the same person, five times."
Im back!
i wanted to blog but i have to book in soon. :(
Then I could have been born in five different towns
and eaten five lifetime's worth of food,
and had five differemt careers,
and..
fallen in love with the same person, five times."
Im back!
i wanted to blog but i have to book in soon. :(
Saturday, August 25, 2007
That feel.
I used to feel that way too.
That feeling becoming so unfamiliar.
I want to feel that way again.
That way only you can make me feel.
I want to feel you again.
Your presence itself is more than enough.
That feeling becoming so unfamiliar.
I want to feel that way again.
That way only you can make me feel.
I want to feel you again.
Your presence itself is more than enough.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
To all sad people ard the world..
here's something to cheer u up..
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor. '
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy ' s lap.
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ' What other problem can there be greater than this one?'
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
and my favourite:
Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor. '
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy ' s lap.
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ' What other problem can there be greater than this one?'
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
and my favourite:
Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'
Thursday, August 09, 2007
The Chandelier
She lights up the hearts of many
of innocent and gloomy.
The rich's property,
never will be happy.
Whenever it's rainy
her best friend's lonely.
Love from the crazy
true what may be.
It's been a long time since i've last blogged, so i spent 10 mins coming up with that.
Still, many things continue to trouble my mind. I will come out with a blog soon specially for my 'theories'.
of innocent and gloomy.
The rich's property,
never will be happy.
Whenever it's rainy
her best friend's lonely.
Love from the crazy
true what may be.
It's been a long time since i've last blogged, so i spent 10 mins coming up with that.
Still, many things continue to trouble my mind. I will come out with a blog soon specially for my 'theories'.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
immaterial
what is this thing im feeling?
why are the feelings coming back?
why do i feel so lonely again..?
why am i losing my fighting spirit again..?
is it because of you?
why are the feelings coming back?
why do i feel so lonely again..?
why am i losing my fighting spirit again..?
is it because of you?
Saturday, March 31, 2007
when i went into the wrong page
i dont know why but maybe fate brought me to blogger.
i dont have much to share.
muchly because i dont feel like doing so.
but since im here im gonna say something about ar|\/|y then.
first of all.. i feel that it has made me realise how fortunate we are now..
can slack at home do nth.. play comp until the point that u get sian of it..
now i have to rush at everything.
be it rush to wait, or wait to rush.
getting tekan for god knows what reason.
but motive is to make us stronger, physically and mentally.
but seriously, if they make it self motivated training..
i think i would have been more willing and there would be
better results and i would have a kinder perspective about "training" in armie.
actually i knew i had something to blog. but blogger seems to have a negative induction force that blocks out all thoughts except the useless ones.
i dont have much to share.
muchly because i dont feel like doing so.
but since im here im gonna say something about ar|\/|y then.
first of all.. i feel that it has made me realise how fortunate we are now..
can slack at home do nth.. play comp until the point that u get sian of it..
now i have to rush at everything.
be it rush to wait, or wait to rush.
getting tekan for god knows what reason.
but motive is to make us stronger, physically and mentally.
but seriously, if they make it self motivated training..
i think i would have been more willing and there would be
better results and i would have a kinder perspective about "training" in armie.
actually i knew i had something to blog. but blogger seems to have a negative induction force that blocks out all thoughts except the useless ones.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
take out the blade through my heart
the problem is, i myself dont believe in what i came in theory about life. theory which makes human lives, and other lives seem so worthless. making the word "worth" worthless. all worth in the world is of perspective. if one falls, other will too.
if u think u really understand, find me at msn. let's have a hearty talk.
if u think u really understand, find me at msn. let's have a hearty talk.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
stars
everyday after a series of tiring training, i will always look up to the sky.
the stars here in tekong are so big and bright.
and every night, i thought, wouldnt it be nice if you were beside me watching them too.
if the number of stars in the sky represents how many days till i see you,
i'll always tell myself that i wont be sad.
i'll always tell myself that at least i'll get to see you again.
its funny but if so, then the day i see you will have no stars.
but then i wont mind, because u are my brightest star.
the stars here in tekong are so big and bright.
and every night, i thought, wouldnt it be nice if you were beside me watching them too.
if the number of stars in the sky represents how many days till i see you,
i'll always tell myself that i wont be sad.
i'll always tell myself that at least i'll get to see you again.
its funny but if so, then the day i see you will have no stars.
but then i wont mind, because u are my brightest star.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Yesterday
Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe
In yesterday
Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday
Came suddenly
Why she
Had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said
Something wrong now I long
For yesterday
Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe
In yesterday
Why she
Had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said
Something wrong now I long
For yesterday
Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe
In yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe
In yesterday
Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday
Came suddenly
Why she
Had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said
Something wrong now I long
For yesterday
Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe
In yesterday
Why she
Had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said
Something wrong now I long
For yesterday
Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe
In yesterday
Thursday, January 04, 2007
a new year
These are my last year's hopes....
Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled
Hopes:
1. Get a girlfriend. (haix.. who can i blame.. im ugly and not clever and not funny and so quiet.. can someone help me out? haha..)
2. 4As 2 Distinctions.. <---- i forgot i was refering to prelims or A's.. if is prelims obviously i failed. if A's.. i dont think is v possible also
3. Happy.
4. World a better place!
lol.. looks like last year isnt a very good year for me..
nvm.. i dont expect this year to be good also.
this year's resolution:
1. get out of army alive. (hey i will at least have this fulfilled if i manage to see my blog next year!)
2. completely get rid of my acne.
3. good a lvl results
4. be happy.
5. World a better place.
i dont wish for much... less expectations.. less disappointment.
haha.
Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled
Hopes:
1. Get a girlfriend. (haix.. who can i blame.. im ugly and not clever and not funny and so quiet.. can someone help me out? haha..)
2. 4As 2 Distinctions.. <---- i forgot i was refering to prelims or A's.. if is prelims obviously i failed. if A's.. i dont think is v possible also
3. Happy.
4. World a better place!
lol.. looks like last year isnt a very good year for me..
nvm.. i dont expect this year to be good also.
this year's resolution:
1. get out of army alive. (hey i will at least have this fulfilled if i manage to see my blog next year!)
2. completely get rid of my acne.
3. good a lvl results
4. be happy.
5. World a better place.
i dont wish for much... less expectations.. less disappointment.
haha.
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