sorrow.

Fear resides within me
like an unborn chick.
Waiting for the day it becomes a phoenix
the day it spreads its wings,
where they will become the canopy of light.

I am afraid.
Afraid that one day my insanity gains control of my body.
Then no words nor actions can undo the consequences that follow.
I will be a prisoner. Of mankind. Of insanity. Of sorrow.

But what i am already now are the latter two.
I long for the day, the day where the sun's moderate and kind,
the sky is clear and blue, and the clouds are merry.
The day you will look me back in the eye.
The day you will smile at me the way i remembered.
The day you will hug me the same you did in our dreams.

I am afraid.. that something will happen to me or you.. before the day comes.

I wait patiently.. in the background of your resonating light..

.. but im afraid that my resilience to do so is fading away..

a sigh late at night.

its been a long time isnt it?
yet time seems to have passed so quickly,
so mercilessly.
here i am, sitting alone in the night.
my heart is faltering,
weakening each passing day
without you.

ohhhhh does it really has to be like this?
we were both determined in the past,
that we do not need a companion in life.
but when we looked each other in the eyes,
all was gone.

why? why are we then not together now?
what did i do? or rather did not do?
why am i so stubborn? why did i decide to disturb you again?
is it because i thought we still have a chance?

or maybe because im just deceiving myself.
"to us give another chance" only meant
to give me another chance.
a fool's hope.

do all girls like guys who are "cool"?
do they like guys who have stylish bags, shoes and hair?
not forgeting looking a least bit like some korean male star or whatever.
or some guy who talks nonsense (really really nonsensical stuff - not cold jokes) and amuses himself and you?
Or, they must be rich the very least?

if thats true, then i know why i dont see a girl falling for me.
or maybe the reason behind this is that im a psychopath or whatever?
or im a mugger? VOID OF FEELINGS? (if u felt the amount of HATRED i have in the 3 words would u have felt the same?)
or because of the fucking surname i didnt (and cant) choose and happen to have?
just because of my fairly better results?
im not boasting now but i really dont give a dam about tutorials and i have done less than 10% of all tutorials so please dont come talking to me about what a mugger i am.
cos if im a mugger that will make the whole world else mugger elites.

i hate it man. why do i sound like a psychopath?
ever since i fell in love, i become crazier each day.
im afraid someday im gonna lose it.
im afraid someday im going to end my life.

when.. just when will all this pain end?
when will i be able to hold you like how i do
in my dreams?

A Friday in May.

Hey Jude - The Beatles

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

Hey, Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better.

And any time you feel the pain, hey, Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
Well don't you know that its a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder

Hey, Jude! Don't let her down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember, to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey, Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey, Jude,
You'll do, the movement you need is on your shoulder

Hey, Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

---

Easier said than done.

my humble interpretation of "The Da Vinci Code"

Straits Times gave it 2/5 stars (correct me if im wrong).

I've watched it today and i say that there's no movie as inspiring as this since "The Matrix" trilogy. its not only inspiring, but a genius work. not only the movie. the whole story is. Dan Brown is truly amazing. Enough said, now i shall blog some of my intepretation of the movie/story.

Warning! Spoiler ahead.

The whole story hinges on the question of whether Jesus was divine or was he just an extraordinary man.

The cleverness of the author to make use of the technique of self-questioning (by the lead guy, prof langdon (if i rmb correctly)) in the theatre screen to convince us of the 'messages' he is trying to convey in his book is simply astonishing.

imho, there's no need for much proving. it is because the religion (i wont say which) has a very flawed fundamental notion (please refer to my previous entry).

but anyway, what is interesting and a matter of fact, 'uplifting' to me is the common thought that the author (i suppose he wrote what he thought) and me shares. Be it if Jesus is man or divine, what matters is that the peace/social and moral benefits from belief of an existence of a supreme(good at least). And of course the decision the sole descendent of Jesus(living proof of the mortality of Jesus) had to make. To enlighten the world of the truth, to liberate them from the enslavement from the lies, or to "renew their faith".

just as i thought. should we destroy the force that at least binds the majority of the human race to a certain extent? So long it does no harm. But im sure that the more logically-inclined people would know exactly what to do. I believe in a system beneficial for betterment of humankind, but not the lies.

i guess not many know what the fuck im talking about. some may detest me. some just dont gif a damn lol. my language skills is not good la. just watch the show and maybe you will understand abit(rmb to watch it w/o a biased thought in mind). so long for now.

and btw, the last supper is here.

i give the movie 10 out of 5 stars.

Where'd you go?

this song pwn nuts man. mike shinoda forever!

Fort Minor - Where'd You Go

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself tryna stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me when I feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Hallowe'en with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once in a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For while you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you'll can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...

just thought i needed to blog too

take my hand, take my whole life too.
for i cant help, falling in love with you..

im bored at home.
but i need a break like this from this hectic study life.
no more games to play.. warcraft standard game/dota is just sian.
dling music to listen just got sianner too.

and i hate to think about love.
because it just makes me so sad.


so maybe i'll talk abit philosophy then.

why must people be so cynical about others..?
what's there's to lose if you believe them?
since if we think that money is not important,
why are people so afraid to lose a little of them,
if we really had to?

so what is important? you family?
so-called friends? power?
reputation? being hip?

sorry man. my family is not much a sanctuary.
getting some fucking money for class fund or
buying notes is like borrowing few million dollars
to buy something useless. so i just cant imagine
family to be important.

friends? if you can really find a true friend. good for you.
but if your friend is just like a fucker like everyone else,
i bet you wouldn't mind,
taking the fact that you are most likely one too.

power and reputation? lol i dont think i need to say anything about these.
unless you are that shallow and sadistic.

Im hip. so are you. ok we are all hip. done.



im like a curious new born. seeking answers that are already right in front of our eyes.
life's an illusion. we are just mammals with that extra boredomness and stupidity.

just thought i need to blog.

without you, im left with silly questions like what is the purpose of having to go through this thing called life.

i was, once, looking for the meaning of my existance, until i found you.

i know all these sound corny and doubtful but whatever the case i just feel like saying what i feel today.


my results arent going up.. and there are people doing quite well with some hardwork put in.. maybe i should get my ass moving as well?
but i hate to work.
especially when studying is concerned.

im anti-chxxxt and i know it.

this is the best read i have done so far this week
http://www.truthbeknown.com/bible.htm

and the last paragraph is exactly what i have been telling my friends about.

christiananswers.net - "One final evidence that the Bible is true is found in the testimony of those who have believed it. Multitudes of people, past and present, have found from personal experience that its promises are true, its counsel is sound, its commands and restrictions are wise, and its wonderful message of salvation meets every need for both time and eternity."

TBK - ""Multitudes of people...have found...that its promises are true?" A heck of a lot more have found tremendous disappointment when prayers haven't been answered and Jesus hasn't arrived riding on a white horse. "Jesus" said, "Soon I will return." After 2,000 years, believers still wait and pray and are disappointed. Fortunately, there is a general moral thread that runs throughout the mess that has passed for humanity. No book about life could avoid including it. And its "wonderful message of salvation" is only wonderful if one is lost in the first place. Without the original sin and fall of mankind, there would be no need for saving. Again, why did the "perfect" God make such an imperfect creature in the first place that he would need to save it? Is this some sadistic cat-and-mouse game? The people who are finding solace in the pages of the Bible have been crippled by it in the first place. They are not told they are divine incarnations but horrible sinners, pathetic wretches in the eyes of a glorious God. The Judeo-Christian ideology creates the schism between human beings and God in the first place by utterly separating God out of creation. It then promises that it holds the keys to reuniting man with God. It's an extortion racket."