happy birthday!

happy birthday blog! u are 3 years old!

treasure.

世界三样最珍贵的东西是

老师的泪
父母对彼此的微笑
还有 爱人的心

bleach

I try to escape before my shadow is fully cast
flying away, not bothering to notice my wings have fallen off.
A sweet scent from far, far away drifts across the street corner
and I hear a familiar voice crying out.
How much further can we make it,
with only the night wind's fleeting hopes to carry us?
The world trembles like it wants to stop us,
taking everything away.
I'm not dreaming anymore,
and we haven't done anything yet, but we'll keep going.

a little of me.

people say "i have a dream".
which means he/she has something in mind that he/she hope can materialise.

if that's the case. i dream to dream.

they say anything can happen in your dreams. sometimes they are what you are thinking the whole day. be it something you fear or something you always wanted. men maketh the dreams and for me, dreams maketh the man. why? in dreams i saw what is seemingly the impossible. what i long for. yes. i saw my dream.

been so busy lately. and feeling quite stressed at my workplace. i thought i had many to say in this blog entry when i was in camp. but it turns out again that whenever this screen is on i cant think anymore.

mixed feelings

im back from taiwan!

experienced hardships and fun. however, i think 5 weeks is abit too long.
pop loh!
but after i received my initial posting, 41s@r which stands for spore arm0ured regim3nt, i was initially sad because its the xiongest posting and they are heading to aus on the 22nd!!!! its like omg overseas again. not to mention nxt year we are going there to fite at3c again..
but i later realised that unit life is actually quite fun. with men and all those things. i found out that i like to have people ard me. at least i wont feel lonely. at least i feel my own presence.
and wads more, ill be in e same camp and unit as sqw.

but after the pop, suddenly my frens and a sgt told me my posting has been changed to @gts which stands for arm0ur gunn3ry t@ctical simul@t0r. 8-5 aircon. rarely outfield. i was stunned. and at the same time feel nothing and a little of mixed feelings. feel nth becos the posting has changed twice and the people going to @gts keep changing. so this thing cannot be cfmed until mon. a little of mixed feelings because i had already accepted the fact im going 41 and i am mmentally prepared for it. and after all im a trained commander. i wan to put my leadership skills to a test. i wan to lead people. motivate them. change lives. i want to build frenships that cant be broken in e lifetime. i wan to feel loved. i wan to feel my presence. i wan not to be a zombie. i want to live a life. i want to have someone i love. i want to find the right girl. the girl that loves me as much as i love her. i wan to have kids, preferably daughters as they are more obedient and nice. have a good job. i want a life.

a normal person's life.

Five times.

"I wish I could have five lives.
Then I could have been born in five different towns
and eaten five lifetime's worth of food,
and had five differemt careers,
and..

fallen in love with the same person, five times."


Im back!
i wanted to blog but i have to book in soon. :(

That feel.

I used to feel that way too.
That feeling becoming so unfamiliar.

I want to feel that way again.
That way only you can make me feel.

I want to feel you again.
Your presence itself is more than enough.

To all sad people ard the world..

here's something to cheer u up..


A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor. '


Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy ' s lap.


Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ' What other problem can there be greater than this one?'


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.


and my favourite:
Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'

The Chandelier

She lights up the hearts of many
of innocent and gloomy.
The rich's property,
never will be happy.
Whenever it's rainy
her best friend's lonely.
Love from the crazy
true what may be.


It's been a long time since i've last blogged, so i spent 10 mins coming up with that.
Still, many things continue to trouble my mind. I will come out with a blog soon specially for my 'theories'.

immaterial

what is this thing im feeling?

why are the feelings coming back?

why do i feel so lonely again..?

why am i losing my fighting spirit again..?

is it because of you?

when i went into the wrong page

i dont know why but maybe fate brought me to blogger.
i dont have much to share.
muchly because i dont feel like doing so.

but since im here im gonna say something about ar|\/|y then.
first of all.. i feel that it has made me realise how fortunate we are now..
can slack at home do nth.. play comp until the point that u get sian of it..

now i have to rush at everything.
be it rush to wait, or wait to rush.
getting tekan for god knows what reason.
but motive is to make us stronger, physically and mentally.
but seriously, if they make it self motivated training..
i think i would have been more willing and there would be
better results and i would have a kinder perspective about "training" in armie.

actually i knew i had something to blog. but blogger seems to have a negative induction force that blocks out all thoughts except the useless ones.

take out the blade through my heart

the problem is, i myself dont believe in what i came in theory about life. theory which makes human lives, and other lives seem so worthless. making the word "worth" worthless. all worth in the world is of perspective. if one falls, other will too.

if u think u really understand, find me at msn. let's have a hearty talk.

stars

everyday after a series of tiring training, i will always look up to the sky.
the stars here in tekong are so big and bright.
and every night, i thought, wouldnt it be nice if you were beside me watching them too.

if the number of stars in the sky represents how many days till i see you,
i'll always tell myself that i wont be sad.
i'll always tell myself that at least i'll get to see you again.

its funny but if so, then the day i see you will have no stars.
but then i wont mind, because u are my brightest star.

Yesterday

Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe
In yesterday

Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday
Came suddenly

Why she
Had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said
Something wrong now I long
For yesterday

Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe
In yesterday

Why she
Had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said
Something wrong now I long
For yesterday

Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe
In yesterday

a new year

These are my last year's hopes....
Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled

Hopes:
1. Get a girlfriend. (haix.. who can i blame.. im ugly and not clever and not funny and so quiet.. can someone help me out? haha..)
2. 4As 2 Distinctions.. <---- i forgot i was refering to prelims or A's.. if is prelims obviously i failed. if A's.. i dont think is v possible also
3. Happy.
4. World a better place!

lol.. looks like last year isnt a very good year for me..
nvm.. i dont expect this year to be good also.

this year's resolution:
1. get out of army alive. (hey i will at least have this fulfilled if i manage to see my blog next year!)
2. completely get rid of my acne.
3. good a lvl results
4. be happy.
5. World a better place.

i dont wish for much... less expectations.. less disappointment.
haha.

a box of 'y's

i wonder why,
everytime when i feel sad
and i want to blog about it
i just couldnt.

is it that my mind and my heart do not connect well
or is it that my command of language is insufficiently capable to convert heart code into a language of words.
i dont even dare to blog where u can see.
because im afraid i might say the wrong things.
im afraid that i say too much that all seem mundane.
basically, im scared of losing you - which i am.

there i go.. saying the wrong things again.
you was never mine?
how could i say that im losing you when i dont have you in the first place.

a dull speck of starcrumbs

i have been living a no-life's life the past few days.
Waking up everyday and before you know it,
im on the battle screen of some rpg, rts or spraying off enemies in a fps game.

i have to admit. this kind of life was heaven to me.
but maybe i have grown old.. too old to be excited by such
trivial fun. then i thought, everyone wants to have fun.
maybe this is wad causing young people to break up these days.

i dont want to have fun.
i just want to be happy.
and to be happy i guess i have to live a life with meaning.
but life is meaningless to me now.

i do not have big dreams nor ambitions.
i dont need to have the latest accessories or clothing.
i dont need 24 hours of pure computer gaming everyday.
i dont need a big big house or some sports wagon.

i want nothing out of life.

maybe deep down i hope to have a person whom i can spend my life with forever.
maybe what i want is LOVE.
but do love exist anyway?
do anyone value love?
do anyone really know how to love? who to love?

love obviously cannot be obtained just overnight.
i have to wait for the right one to arrive.
maybe she already have.
maybe she will never come.
but right now in my life,
i can only wait for her to come.

.. and before that, life is meaningless.
because she is my meaning in life.

happy birthdae

So finally it ended - the dreaded 'A' Levels has passed.
I guess I have to do some sort of conclusion;
Conclusion on my 14 years of study life.
Conclusion on my teenage life.

I say that the lvls exams i have been thru are quite okay,
except for some disappointments that everyone may have.
Generally i think that general paper sucks(esp for paper 2)
Maths was challenging (to me) and i really hope i can get an A.
Chem was quite a disaster for me.. becos my paper 3 is not v good i guess.
considering also my pathetic spa results which i think i have gotten,
i really really hope its an A too..
Physics was quite alright. But paper 3 was too qualitative to my liking.
Computing was very okay. since most of the questions came from past year.
Wish nth bad happens!
Maths s paper was hmm.. i guess okay. Since i have mixed feelings for it.
On one hand i definitely did way better than prelims (i got 27/100!!!),
on the other hand.. i think i will have a medicore, if not, unimpressive result. Really hope to get merit!
Physics was quite easy.. except for the stupid electricity qns i knew i shldnt have attempted. Hoping for a dist!

Well i guess after we took the paper we can more or less know the results. And we have no need to hide them or run away from them. well.. the actual results come 4 months later. I really hope i will get better than wad i expect!

and.. its 5 mins early.. but..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

My blog is 2 years old!

why do i sound happy when im not? and it often leads to misunderstandings

天灰

如果你不再出现
我的世界还有什么可贵
可惜不够时间
让我们试验什么叫永远
想念变成怀念
心动变成心碎
偏偏还会关切
你最后属于谁
我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经全都熄灭
如果你从没出现
我会不会觉得快乐一些
可惜残忍时间
总要把诺言一点点摧毁

an imminent bye, a permanent sigh..

A lvls is just days away..
Although i think that A lvls are not that important to me (becos i dont intend to take on intensive courses in uni), im feeling abit worried.. who noes why..

but what worries me more is what's after it. NS... i wonder if after the two years i will be the same? i wonder if you will still remember that there is someone like me who long to be by your side.

as exams comes.. i start to play more.. maybe my concentration span is up.. no no no.. i cannot be giving myself excuses! i must continue to study!

(out of sudden, i forgot what i wanted to blog before i wrote these, maybe my mind knows that now is not the time to think about those stuff)