happy 4th birthday

my blog is 4 years old! omg im so old.

Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Physical Touch:		8
Words of Affirmation:		6
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

lazy bones

I don't know.. 

After 2-3weeks of zuo bo-ing at home. 

I suddenly feel very sian. 

My interest for new games like RA3 and Call of Duty: World at War can only last for one mission worth of time in the games.

Perhaps it's because I'm playing all these alone. 

Sad life..

It's funny.. how targets in games can be set so easily compared to real life. "To reach level xx by x days" Purpose is clear, methodology vivid. Sometimes i wonder how life is similar to games. For games, you know sooner or later you will stop playing the game, but yet you would still put in every time and effort to make everything right, while you are still playing the game. Life certainly is not forever, and yet you see SO much effort is put by different people trying to live better, trying to earn more money, trying to persuade people, trying to try things, trying to be DIFFERENT. 

We are all the same. We are stubborn - stubborn for hope, and that makes us human. We know we will die anyway, but deep down inside we hope we wouldn't. At least not our spiritual soul anyway. 

When we break up with somebody, we hope they would return. When we are poor, we hope we have enough money to get by. When we are down on our luck, we hope that the next thing to happen is luck. When we are being raped by qingwei, we hope we can rape him back.

When one loses hope, he/she hopes that things would just end.

Whoever who gives hope to people, gives people 'lives'. 'Lives' perceived by human's as good, because they hope that living is good. If i were to tell you there makes no difference between your existence and non-existence, you wouldn't mind not living. 

Sometimes 'life' is not as good as people think it is, they start to blame 'life' for being bad. "I have a bad 'life' and there is nothing i can do with it." It's most unfortunate but in actual sense, one could say that the person's 'life' is not what he/she hoped for, and therefore wouldn't mind not living.

If we were just entities in this world, in computing sense, then i think hope and life are codes that humans can't do without. They are the guardians for the for or while loops. In actual fact, they are more like the brackets in the loop. It ensures that humans do what they do until their time is out - alas, the argument of 'duration less than x' no longer hold true.

Yes, while we are living, we may get to see a few other such brackets, or hope, that keeps us occupied doing specific things. One who sees hope in gambling, does gambling over and over again, until the specific time where he/she falls out of the for/while loop, in triump or defeat. 

Humans are all the same. Data or as we term them as "memories" get passed from one human to another, and get flushed when forgotten/overwritten - 'broken pointers' in computer terms. Humans are the same. When their time is up, when they are done, they get deleted or flushed. If there is a need, a new entity would take over his/her previous responsibillities.

Ok.. im just very bored and didn't feel like playing any games, so i write all these for fun.

I'm off hoping to be a more happy entity for now!

my ORD.

*melodious beep tone~*

I'm awaken by my handphone alarm at 5.30am, just realising that i only slept 3 hours ago.

The night before I had many thoughts in mind. Mainly because the next day is my ord.

The next thing i knew, i was already on my way to the bus stop in my civilian clothes.

On the way there, i began to recollect all the experience I had during these 2 years, the good and the bad, and how did they changed my life. Whether if im posted to unit (41 SAR) instead, having different people as buddies, would I change? For better or worse? Thinking of how our lives shape us to be who we are. I'm lucky to say that I'm still meeting the right people.. i guess.. haha.

I reached my bunk only to found out that my bed and cupboard is already occupied by someone else. The best thing is that.. my cupboard lock has been changed to someone else's. Then where are my precious things? The most important thing i recall leaving inside is my course photograph at the taipei tao yuan international airport. I immediately looked into the thrash bag in the bunk only to find my toothpaste and other thrash inside. I went on to find out who is the one to moved in to my bed and actually broke my lock (it cost at least 5 dollars by the way) and threw all my things away. 

After some asking around, found out it's one of the new people from my dept. He said they just moved in the night before, and thought we ord so they broke our locks(oh great!). He added that he knew that the photograph would mean something and therefore put it somewhere else(where he did not remember). After a trip back to the bunk, he concluded that most likely it has been thrown away with other thrash. (what a welcome back on last day? it's like bad things WILL happen any day in camp.) But i held back my emotions despite being a sentimental(i guess) person, because its my ord and i dont want to spoil the memories.

After some paperwork, at 11.30am, I have officially ORDed by getting my Pink IC back! The guy from the photo of my Pink IC looks so young so different from me. :'(

I was then presented the Certificate of Service, service transcript and testimonial by my CO. Oh, so I'm actually an OUTSTANDING soldier with OUTSTANDING conduct. Great! I should sign on! Like real..

One thing on my testimonial said, "Gibson will continue to excel in any field in the future". That's reassuring.. however I don't know which field to choose.

My buddy has ORDed the day before, so it makes the whole process a little bit more emotional i guess. :'( 

And so i left the camp with some of my friends at 12pm sharp, without looking back at all. When you look back, it's either you can't let go or you have no choice but to go. Therefore I didn't. Because I know it's only good for us to let go and move on to next phase of life for us to be happy, and thus i choose to go.

I have... ORD LOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

with mixed feelings. But i know it's a kind of happiness.

so many things so little time

things to do before uni:

learn guitar

learn piano

learn tennis

decide what to do in life

learn economics

learn statistics

play ra3

play call of duty 5

play grand theft auto 4

play starcraft 2

play diablo 3

watch heroes

watch gossip girl

watch bleach

watch code geass

watch all movies i have

get a job

get a new camera fone

get a laptop

get a new pair of spectacles/contacts

to be continued...

they hunger

im having a macraving now. no thats not a new burger from macdonalds, but im having a craving for mac RIGHT NOW. im hungry..

that aside, im 2 working days and 1 guard duty to my ord.

mixed feelings i guess.

i can finally leave the shithole full of liars, hypocrites, ballsuckers, suckers, and f-kers, for real.

no longer trapped in the stupid system with fk'd up hierachy. It's sometimes funny that a aristocratic form of organisation (or rather, disorganisation) is in charge of defending Singapore, a republic. ok.. or rather im not an army type of person.

the sad thing about leaving is that this may be the last time i'll be seeing my friends in ns already!!

I'm also daunted by the future. Being 21 years old and, having to make life changing decisions like uni application, and the shear 8-9months of free time!

bandwidth intensive thread!

i was bored and i went download.com to shop.. 

this is my new desktop!! im using windows XP by the way. :)

at the same time trying out the screen recorder as well haha..

sorry for the poor quality, thats the best youtube can give.

im sorry for the lack of a sexy narrator voice from ehem'.. myself.. but i hope the sexy blog i posted should make up for it :))))))

these are some interesting things:

do you remember your childhood games?

would you do this?

"Quinson said he doesn't miss money, nor does he pine for the adrenaline boost from the trading floor, but he does feel deprived of female companionship."

and..

you have been ns'ed

somebody in edmw forum ask, NS in Resume? 

this is one of the funniest reply you can find.

ns ~ waste of time and resources 
but maybe if u are joining mediacorp, ns is important cos u learn alot on acting and wayang skills ! 

Here's something i found on youtube(i might be slow...): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__PWe4-CGTU

Probably after i ORD i will buy this:

Probably instead of this i will buy one super good camera, probably a Digital SLR. I want to keep things alive, especially my memories. But memories will eventually fade away. Bytes won't! At least with today's technology it won't be so fast.

Suddenly, i felt that i was henta kaki(army command - meaning march on the ground) for very long already. All this time devoted to the nation, albeit important, has saw my mind coming to a standstill. 

I figured all this while in my life I haven't had any progress in anything. Watching taiwanese variety shows presenting kids aged 3 playing drums as pro as how I cried and defecated in my diapers at that same age, made me realise that I am still doing nothing.

Born musicians are already musicians, aspiring musicians are already musicians. Same as other disciplines. But me? Probably the highest and most incredible and definitely not the proudest advancement I find myself make was my level 45 Cleric in MapleSEA. 

I wanted to be a programmer. I stopped programming.

I dreamt of being a progamer. My skills were nowhere near. 

I aspired to be a music artiste. I had better not.

I hoped to play professional tennis. I don't even know how to serve.

I have a dream. To live in a big house on top of a green hill, where at night I could stargaze with my lover and at day I could just sit on top of the hill and enjoy the breeze with the same person. My bank account has only 4 digits and I haven't had any girlfriend yet.

People have long left the crossroads, I'm still here wondering which way to go.

Probably because I have no one to go with.

Probably because I'm too afraid to find out what's at the end of the roads.

Probably because I have no interest in walking any of the roads.

I'm like a lost sheep. Like most of everyone else in this world. Human beings are a confused species. They don't know what they want. Do what they don't want, and want what they don't do. 

Perhaps a very emo post lol. Maybe if I don't tink too much I will be much happier, but knowing that I didn't tink when I do know that I can is a bigger pain. If we don't tink, will our lives be in vain?

Edit:

just to add.. some very smart guy who has indeed advanced deep deep into the killer industry said this near the start of my blog.

"aiya i oso dunno wad 2 sae la, but u onli live once, sumtimes if u misse chance le nxt time u find it harder 2 find back wad u realli wanted then u will alwayz tink abt it n regret 4 life" 

 HOW TRUE OMG. that's the 2nd time i said that lol. This guy is too wise to be a killer. Thanks f***man for your wonderful quote again haha

paint my heart blue

taiwan is officially the 2nd longest country have i stayed in.

my experience of the people there is good. they're happy, relax people.
looking at the tensed up faces of singaporeans dampens my mood,
and at the same time, can't help but think..

are we really pushing too hard?

if working for 8-5pm(actually is 24 hours) is not,
if squeezing on a stupid mrt every morning is not,
if sending our young to tuition classes is not,
if aiming for a better house, a better car, a better discount, is not,
then what is?

xi men ting and most shops in taipei city OPENS at 10 - 11am, even on weekends.
on mid autumn festival, they gather together to barbecue meat.

sometimes i wonder, we are always busy, and yet we haven't seem to be improving our lives.
read: lives! not livelihood.

im cant be more guilty for turning this blog into a one-stop lamenting petrol kiosk, but i feel that my life is far from complete. i felt so.. conformed. conformed to peer pressure or rather.. societal pressure. this country i was born into made me into who i am today.


on a happier note..
I'm going to ord soon!! and around 2/5 of my remaining working days i will be clearning off and leave! I'm so gonna miss my friends in army.. the things we do together!
All will be remembered: the jokes we shared, the punishment we took, the rewards we fought hard together to win.
Nonetheless, I'm going to start my Civilian Induction Programme really soon!
What does it consists of?
1. Reducing my vulgarities usage to zero!
2. Not scanning anything before i eat (that's easy to maintain outside of army)
3. SAYING NO to unfair requests (aka playing of rank!) !
4. Saying 'Hi' instead of Good Morning Sir.
5. Stop eating crappy food!

Record:
meaning remembering this very exquisite phase of life, life from being a REC(recruit) to ORD(operational ready date).

Have you recorded?

off to taiwan again

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

my loving memories.

Long Post Ahead

except it isn't so sweet.

i have been recently approached by a friend,
who offered me a business opportunity.
Didn't tell me what it was.. until when i reach the company
then i soon realise that its MLM.

i've gt to admit its my first contact with MLM,
and i had totally no clue what it was before this..
only to know that it's something bad.

actually MLM is a very effective advertising tool rather than a business tool. The fact that the information that Company So-and-So is selling this product travels faster and freely among people than when using conventional advertising methods is enough to prove that! It is, however, lacking in the aspect of promoting the product.

after being swayed here and there,
one thing i didnt like wasthe rushing of things.
if i was going to invest a few thousand(that's 50% of my current assets )': ),
then i need time to consider.
true, opportunity only come by once..
but i believe most opportunity lasts at least some time.

so in the end i rejected the offer..
mainly because i feel that MLM is actually using ur frens to earn money.

how does it work?

Person A can have some downlinks aka slaves,
for my case is 3.
every member is a distributor.
every product you help the company to sell you earn points.
your monthly pay = ~10-15% of ur own sales + ~4-8% of (sum of your total points and everyone below you)

to have the 4~8%, you can either start off by slowly selling to get that elevated status, or you can attain it by buying a complete set of products yourself, that is ~2-4k dollars. <- This adds to the total points earned by you and ur uplinks for that month. So its not hard to realise that the faster and more practical way of breaking even(assuming you paid 4k at the start) is to get ur friends to join as ur downlinks. to get back 100% of 4k, you will need - (100 - 15)/4 = ~22, -> at least 22 person under you. Of course ur frens can find other friends too, so makes it easier.
1->3->9->27.
by 3 levels down you should reach.

this makes a disturbing trend..
when u get into this hot soup, you get ur frens to join in order to break even, or even profit. yours friends are in turn made to get into the same soup and to find more friends, while u earn money from this.
it all ends when ur friends and friends' friends'+++ are already member.
when you find urself at the bottom of this tree,
you are theorically a salesman.. while millions of people above you will earn money while doing nothing.

what are the problems for this business tool?
if everyone ie. singapore, joins this company.. everyone is a distributor.. so everyone will buy for themselves.
let price of a product be Y.
for every product a person in the lowest of this tree buys, the company have to pay cuberoot (sgPopulation) x 8% x Y + 15% x Y.
take sgPopulation = 5million,
company has to pay 13.83 times of Y to the members! Charity?

bad reputation of the MLM helps!!
assume ard 30% of the population joins the company..
for every product a person in the lowest of this tree buys, the company have to pay cuberoot (0.30 x sgPopulation) x 8% x Y + 15% x Y.
company has to pay 9.30 times of Y to the members!

assume ard 10% of the population joins the company..
for every product a person in the lowest of this tree buys, the company have to pay cuberoot (0.10 x sgPopulation) x 8% x Y + 15% x Y.
company has to pay 6.50 times of Y to the members!

so for the company, how to at least earn 20% of Y? (assuming 20% is cost price)
100 - 20 = 80% <- max amt of money going back to members. 80 - 15 = 65% <- max amt of money going back to uplinks. 65/8 = ~8.1 <- max number of layers above the seller. for a 9 level mlm, 1+3+9+27+..= (1-3^9)/1-3 (GP) = 9841 people that is 0.19682% of the population!! If you are a company boss which would u choose? 9841 people max of "salesman" which you can only get back 20% of selling price, or infinite number of salesman you can hire, which you can get back 85% of selling price? In addition, what i was showing was a best case scenario where the tree is a full 1-3 tree. what if the people form an overly extended tree, i.e. to say, every people only haf one downlink (which therefore makes it a linear line..) then

the max no of salesman the company can afford (to earn back 20%) to hire is 1 + 85%/8% = 11.6 --> 11!!!

In conclusion, (of cos im not the first to find out) my humble opinion is that MLM is just mathematically impossible for the company to profit substantially and even outperform conventional methods of sales. It's a mean and cold method which requires you to make use of friends to gain profit(sounds familiar?) while at the same time forcing them to your same predicament.

please correct me if i have any calculation mistakes!
sidenote: many other aspects are not covered yet, but this is enough to say no to MLM. Like many times in real life, the danger signs are often quite hidden. (there is actually a Long Entry Ahead warning in font colour white at the start of my entry!)

"office hours" - quotes included

after watching the national day rally,
i started to consider about my future again..

maybe im more inclined to IT,
which i quite already hate.

i should really consult people on this path that i've chosen.
DO i really want a job that eats 3/4 of your day, 3/4 of your life?

that puts IT in front of my list.
where once the things are set-up, etc facebook,
you just have to count how much you're earning.

that way i can do more meaningful things in life!
like looking after my kids and etc!

at first i tot the PM was going to impose a standard benchmark of 9-4pm work hours
when he mentioned about stress and office hours being too long..
lol but guessed i was wrong.

maybe that's y singapore can remain so competitive.

shine for singapore

have you seen a star,
one that guides you no matter where you are?

It's NATIONAL DAY!!
omg. it seems like eons ago since the last national day celebration at school..
what is ironic is that in the army, all you get is a 15 mins observance parade.
one that made us read the pledge and then go thru a BRIDGED version of national anthem which we are not suppose to sing along with.

what is best about army is the getting out of it.
3 months left baby!
actually its not the things we do inside that's crap,
its the stupid attitude of some people esp some regulars that
have a perception that NSFs are meant to be EXPLOITED.

i happen to read once in a mail that is not related to me.. quote
"currently our dept are lacking in NSFs, therefore there are many paperwork and admin cannot be processed in time"

this only make me feel more angry. i gave up 2 years of my life to help u with paperwork.


i dont know why, but maybe the years of national education has succesfully imbued a sense of loyalty in me, so much so that all along i have planned not to work out of singapore, and also study outside of singapore on a long term.

i love singapore!


have you heard a song,
one that moved you, one that made you sing along?

hello

"The meaning of communication is the response I get, regardless
of my intention."

How true! No matter how willingly and ernestly you want to share, if it does not get through to your audience, it's still fruitless. If you said something that you meant good, and if the person received it as a negative comment - it showed your intention as negative.

Feedback is just information. It's you who judge them
negatively or positively.

Another thing i have learnt is this. We always judge things and people too quickly.

Aim to die young, as late as possible.

Have a young heart. You can be as young as what you think you are.

You have the same minutes per day as:

Einstein
Galileo
Gandhi
Mozart

------------o0o------------

The whole five weekdays this week i was fortunate enough to attend the Coaching for performance and development and Facilitation course. It is by far what i think the most rewarding course i have been since i was born. It opened my heart and at the same time imparted me with important interpersonal skills that i could use, to be a better communicator, a better coach, and a better facilitator. I would take this opportunity to thank my teacher for this week for her dedication and enthusiasm she gave us. Many many thanks!

Feeling v tired now.. sorry becos of time constraint couldn't make this post more touching haha.

sing to the music

today just ran 15km at ecp,
and was treated with delicious sensual delights.

what i meant was the breeze was very refreshing and the weather is cool.
people were smiling and having fun.
the beach is such a relaxing place to run. lol

just realised that its being months since i bought my tennis racquet,
and i havent used it yet!
i said that i wanted to learn guitar, but i havent yet!
so if there are kind people out there who know the above mentioned,
please teach me!!!!

my time hasn't moved for awhile now..
maybe university will help me forget the sad stuff.
but then again, am i choosing the right path? the right course?

yesterday i thought of my being a tank instructor and how far have i changed ssince enlistment.
then i thought of my teacher who inspired to teach - mrs loo, my jc physics teacher.
i felt super regretted that i couldnt go visit her last teacher's day becos i was still on course,
and also happy that she asked my friend about me. she remembers me!!

maybe im remembered as the guy who doesnt do her homework. haha. even until her last tutorial.. i was caught by her.

must say that my physics s paper dist was possible only becos she's there.
she gave me the tys and the answers for past few years.. and said during the prelims:
She: I know you can do it one. Just read through the TYS.
Me: Eh.. i dont have.
She: Don't worry, see me after lesson, i'll pass it to you.

At outside the office later,
She: Don't lose it ah.. This is my only set.
Me: Okay.
Both of us: grins.


if im immortal and have all the money i need. I would pursue physics in university already.
i love physics, partly because i can score haha,
but mostly because i love to solve the mystery of this world.
physics made me realise the wonderful world.

this post is a tribute to mrs loo!
most probably she wont get to see this though..
hope to see you soon.
dont get too disappointed when i dont decide to teach nxt time ok..? =)

(PS: i dislike people who thinks i cannot teach, who judge me by appearance. why? because i try my best each time)

imperfection

In relationship, we always go hope for 总有一天.
what if what day never comes?

Why do people take things for granted,
and regret it only after they lost them?

Depressed..


---------------------------------


I think im a person who is able to detect problems,
but sadly i dont have good problem solving skills yet.

Don't know is it army or other things that make me feel so stupid now.
My mind feel so stiff now.

The only thing that is permanent is change.
Success belongs to the people who know how to change and adapt.
I know that but i dun want to.. I dont want to think so much..
I'm tired.
I want to settle down. The time to freeze. To capture a moment of peace.

I came up with one quote: You move the world by moving yourself. If you stop moving, you will move with the world. (Think newton's 3rd law of motion.)

the world in itself

what do you think of when you see this?
i suddenly thought of the contradictions of this society and this world on my way back home.

what can you see here?
what i see is that the long piece of concrete is being laid on top of the grass.

what's interesting?
why do they have to kill the grass, in order to let us humans walk on a clean path?
but then again, if there wasn't this path, people would have walked all over the place, and more grass would have being affected.

this brings to what im thinking: So is sacrificing some of the people in order to achieve better success/results/survival rate justifiable? An example is as some may say, "we are on the same boat". Let's say if the boat is sinking cos there are too many people. Is sacrificing people by throwing them into the sea so that the rest can survive logical? To bring a greater extent, is sacrificing "less worthy" people on the boat justifiable?

People talk about commadarie. They rave about teamwork. What is teamwork? Working together so that ALL will succeed? Or work in such a way to let the TEAM succeed while sacrificing some people? More than common, the latter will have a greater extent of success. Unfortunately, businesses want the 2nd teamwork, while in a idealistic all-for-one, one-for-all society which leaves no man behind, the 1st teamwork is valued.

So who is right? Morally? Practically? If everyone agree that what moral states is "right" then why is there a reality different from what is expected of? (Contradiction no. 1: People do wrong things even though they know its wrong)

That brings to the term selfishness. What is selfish? Is everyone working on their own presentation with extra effort so that the best can be chosen to represent the team on a presentation called selfish(The truly talented and hardworking get their deserved recognition)? Or is everyone working together to create a single presentation called selfish(Different level of contribution by each individual, and rewards are shared)

Meritocracy, is it selfishness? Or is it an evil "for a greater good"?

(Contradiction no.2: What is ideal is not ideal.)
note: can be read as what is right is not right/what is wrong is not wrong


Thus, the problem lies in the definition of ideal/non ideal, right/wrong.

My proposition: In the world there is no "Best". Because that would mean infinity. (If you get what i mean). The better you are at something, the weaker you are at another thing. So if you are super good at something, that attribute is infinity, but the opposite complement attribute is zero(or near). So actually, the best is moderation. There we have no weakness. And thats what we're tend to, in statistics sense. Think of ying and yang must balance in ur body :)


Super random but disturbing thoughts. (I didnt think this too deep, so if there is something u wan to contribute or correct, just drop a message!)

Its poem writing time!

Hello

Dreams that we follow,
Complaints have we bellowed.

Life's full of sorrow,
You're my angel with halo.

Countless hardships I will swallow.
Just to hear your "hello".

----------------------------------------

I am your crime

You are a murderer.
You killed my only friend, loneliness.
You are an arsonist.
You set me on fire.
You are a rapist.
You had me let you in.
You are a thief.
You stole my heart without me knowing.
You are a scammer.
I believe in you.
You are a kidnapper,
and I'm yours forever.

Many loved others.

I don't know what is your view, but to me, this life(my current conciousness and memories) only lasts till I die.

We could say that if we die, we won't remember what has happened before, which is why many chose suicide as a solution to their problems.

To me, people are like a tree. We all start from the same place - the ground. As we grow up, we have some decisions to make which will change our lives forever. From then on, we will branch out into different directions. There are sayings that life consists of many crossroads. I agree. I feel that life is a path where there are many junctions, and each junction you have to make a decisions. Because it's so confusing, you can never get back to where you regretted doing something wrong, and try to start things all over again. Many chose suicide, to fall off from the tree - a shortcut - to start right back from the ground again.

I, have made a mistake. If others are seeing this, I'm really really sorry. I don't know how much apology and what I can do can undo everything.

As times go by, when the your branch gets old, it withers, and one day, it will fall back to the ground again. You will become nutrients for the young growing ones. At least your lessons taught to the young will be remembered even when you're gone.

Two persons once seperated, because of a foolish decision, can never get back together again. Many just hope they can fall on the same place on the ground, where they will finally meet again.

Without others, many would die.


If I'm dead, change all "many" to "I" and "others" to "you" and "they" to "we"