im running out of songs to play while im studying..

and,

i guess my whole life is a freaking joke.

list v.2010.04.22

ok, this is not a list for wad i have to study, instead it would be wad i want to do in the holidays! haha this will act as a motivation.

- read The Black Swan

- read one of Richard Dawkin's books

- grab a book from each genre of stats to decide where i want to go from here!

to be updated~

coool! perhaps next time ipad liao can expand the pathetic space for bigger keys. imagine if one person buys 4 ipads.. oh i forgot, iPhones are more expensive than ipads ...

To Do list v.03.04.10

SP1201

$%^%$& report

ST2131

tutorial

MA1104:

Lab assignment 4

webcast/tutorial

MA2213:

hw assignment

edmw serious and good read http://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/showthread.php?t=2716040&page=2

and sth interesting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csGOJ9IGxQk&feature=player_embedded

human

edit: 29/03/10

i started this post wanting to talk about the lack of human-ity in singapore.

to be precise, i target more specifically the lack of:

scenes of happy children running about on the streets:

they are in schools

smiling faces in the morning:

we dont smile when we experience winzip every 3 mins or so on the MRT

trails, or at least, slight hints of kindness in this polymorphic glob of land human mass:

we could perhaps blame the coagulation of excess and unneeded 'talents'!

of course i have to understand that this is no utopia, this is singapore.

a commercialised nation market where demand are always met with supplies and every entity, including its people capital goods can be put on a price tag.

haha just some random rants while waiting my hp to charge and trying to keep my mind off my unfinished tutorial which is impossible to complete.

i would love to move to some place where i dont have to go to bed everyday thinking yet another day have passed with me doing not the things that i want, and thinking, just thinking, and perhaps too much, that i am simply wasting my life away.

i want to LIVE!! how can i do so?! :'(

humans see humans do

part 1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIAoJsS9Ix8&feature=related

part 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHuagL7x5Wc&feature=related

perhaps this is how so many people all over the world are being exploited out of our human born traits.

this is how propaganda succeed

list v.2010.3.16

ST2|31 - cheat sheet/tutorial/revision

MA22|3 - lecture/tutorial

SP|201

genus

to infinity and beyond

why do people associated love to fools,

and wealth to the clever?

I had once seeked love,

one that i so wanted,

that i've never gotten.

since there are only 2 paths, one must be correct.

haha, what am i talking about?

as if i have any other way out.

fiukcng tired.

a very tired day. pondered about some decisions i had made.
got done and over with 3 midterms in the hellish week.

realised that cs1101's lecturer is sadistically efficient, posting the mid term test solutions only 1 hour+ after we had left the exam venue. "marking has begun" he said.

too tired to receive the shock that i may not anticipate.
decided not to look at the solutions..

to those supporting me tmr.. <3<3 xiexie xiexie~ cya tmr~

this is wad the lecturer showed us while they collect our exam booklets

ps: couldnt find the original.. this 1 is angmoh version lol

haha as if got time to game now..
they should design one for mugging instead

list v2.0

Things to do before mon (done/70% done/not done) :

ma1104: tutorial, study!

ma2213: finish up assignment today

st2131: tutorial

sp1201: presentation

all i can tink of now

lists

im running out of space for lists, so have to make use of my blogspace haha.

things to do this hols: (done/70% done/not done)

ma2213 - lab assignment 1, homework 1, revision if possible 2

st2131 - tutorial, revision if possible 3.

ma1104 - tutorial, maple lab assignment, revision + PYE if possible.

cs1104 -

guitar - practise

looks alot but i tink its possible. fight kill fight kill fight kill!

"A wrong is a wrong and must be rectified, not justified."

my 1st day of ICT

bad dreams and new uncomfy pillow are not independent events.

today i woke up to a shocking dream :(.

I dreamt i was unfortunately handpicked by s@f to serve reservice in afghanistan.. in the dream my friends and i (yes i know 2 of them) were clueless about how long we are going to stay there! when one of them suggested 2 years, i said "how can it be 2 years? then go one time clear all the ICTs liao" (rofl.. but the setting wasnt really funny.. it was quite serious!)

the first day reporting to the unit before we fly off to afghanistan, we have to find our way to a "secluded part" of a army camp. in my dream i said, "omg i saw this place a few days ago from the mrt, and now im here! omg!" (the place was near a mrt track).

so we continued on to find this place.. then there are one or two regulars came to guide the way in. suddenly, this short journey became something like a obstacle course thing.. with real toxic and human "fake enemies" where we have to avoid being hit so as not to incur being served with a puddle of stinking mud or sth.. which i luckily didnt have to suffer from... cos i managed to complete it smoothly.

in retrospect now, it was absurd.. there are "monkey bar"-like obstacles, and tactical urban movement sections.. i even dream of the encik saying good! cos i cleared the monkey bar.. LOL. in the end this thing was more like a final test b4 sending us to the real mission, where by we were informed that we only have to stay in afghanistan for 2 days. 2 days i thought i was okay. thats why i didnt try to downpes in my dream. LOL.

just when we are about to set off.. time to wake up liao!

sunscreen

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

**

took it from some forum. quite meaningful stuff.

《听见》-恶作剧之吻
你不开心的眼 仿佛将我推到悬崖边缘
距离就算在靠近眼前 我们一样没焦点
没有你的世界 就像寒冬没有春天依畏 少了你培在身边
我的四季只剩下冬天 悲伤 喜悦 回忆不断重演　
静下来的世界 有我的思念 也有你的空虚无边
　
你有没有听见 寂寞的声音悄悄在蔓延
它住近我们之间 守候着我和你的永远
你有没有听见 思念的呼唤传遍每条街
就算你走的再远 累了回头我就在 你的身边
你有没有听见 寞的声音悄悄在蔓延　
它住近我们之间 守候着我和你的永远
你有没有听见 思念的呼唤传遍每条街
就算你走的再远 累了回头我就在 你的身边

"Few Singaporean will be keen to take up jobs at such low wages which are hardly enough to survive in Singapore. There is no minimum wage in Singapore. Employers have the complete autonomy to set the wages as they see fit and with the easy availability of cheap foreign labor, they have few incentives to employ Singaporeans who cost more."

QFT.

Haix. When the higher ups say singaporeans wont work for xxxx kind of jobs, it isnt because we find it degrading. It is because the pay really like shit. Since foreign workers are so easily available, can people argue that it helps Singaporeans to create jobs? Perhaps if the companies would hire more management people using the money saved from these cheaper workers? Or perhaps they would just pocket the profit.

When they say we ownselves buey gan(cmi) when competing with foreign students is school, did they realise that we are not of equal footing? While some of us have to work like shit, take part time to pay our school fees, they are invited here with scholarships and allowances that are instead not given to capable singaporeans.

Why then they ask us to find partners and have kids, when i have to struggle to keep myself afloat on the bell curve that is flooded by so many of them, worry about my expenses, going for reservice and ippt. How do they actually expect us to find time to even date.

Im one of the ones getting annoyed by the % of immigrants here.

This is not the place i would be happy in if the situation continues.. i really hope some good people would stand up against these policies. i would give them my vote(hopefully my area is contested to begin with!)

because sometimes when we dont move on, time moves us along

its official, 22 years without girlfriend!

haha actually its not so much about having a girlfriend or not la.. after all it's just a label.

but one cant deny the sense of security it gives in life.

to have something to fall back to.

a launch pad to greater things.

its like the aircraft carrier you return to after your mission,

the housten you report back to in your space exploration

the base you return to after you have made the greatest journey-

life.

flying high/not so high/low/(replace with an adverb) without a place to return to.

i wish myself a happy 22nd!

默默在你的身后守候的我 多想看你不经意的笑容 或许我的心你不懂 我会努力让你感动  在你眼中有多麼笨拙的我 决不放弃追逐你的执著 只要你能再多些回应我 一个笑或点头全接受  能不能再靠近一点点 大声说出你所有感觉 别再紧紧关在只有自己的世界 温暖太阳为你迎接  能不能再靠近一点点 能不能再勇敢一点点 就算让我知道我永远只是单恋 我也会藏著感谢 笑著和你说再见  默默在你的身后守候的我 多想看你不经意的笑容 或许我的心你不懂 我会努力让你感动  在你眼中有多麼笨拙的我 决不放弃追逐你的执著 只要你能再多些回应我 一个笑或点头全接受  能不能再靠近一点点 大声说出你所有感觉 别再紧紧关在只有自己的世界 温暖太阳为你迎接  能不能再靠近一点点 能不能再勇敢一点点 就算让我知道我永远只是单恋 我也会藏著感谢 笑著和你说再见 

im finding the frequency of my sleeping increasing.

however, i still sleep once a day/or maybe less.

time must be accelerating.

tiger year is approaching. the next in line would be rabbit(my year).

it would be one "lun" (cycle of the chinese zodiac) from when i was primary 6.

how many luns to go before i cease to exist?

is it that when you finally want to live a life, life just seems so short.

random quote from the internet

if you like cat - you are a care giver and won't expect anything in return
if you like dog - you expect same love/reciprocate in return

haha.. perhaps

duno if e owner mind or not.. but this is a nice blog for a good read

http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/

2010~

hihi! these are my resolutions for 2009.. as a tradition i shall talk about how much exactly i have achieved each of these!

RESOLUTION FOR 2009

1. Feel that i have chosen the right uni course

2. BE HAPPY

3. Spend my pre uni time wisely

4. IPPT GOLD PLEASE ($400!!!!!!!)

5. Have more friends!

6.

7. Master guitar to a pro level ok?

Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled

1. Though how much i know about stats currently is still of minuscule proportion. after exploring all the module description im kind of glad to see that it is almost what i would expect it to be.. haha chim.. but i use this method to at least psycho myself im right haha.

2. BE HAPPY.. well as a matter of fact i havent been happier since many years ago.. school is indeed a good place :) evidence: the number of green totally > than last year's. im using purple. im gay in its non-sexual sense.

3. seriously i dont remember exactly what i did during the hols.. i rmb working and playing the guitar and even reading up on bayesian statistics(though i've nv past the" A level" section of the book, and have never even treaded to the bayesian page. i was lost in the fundamentals of statistics prelude). i guess i rmb only the good things. HAHA. which is good!

4. See previous post. shant let the 3 letter S word spoil my entry:)

5. Quantitatively or figuratively(the english language.. seriously..) i feel this is fulfilled and the main reason why im so happy now :) its great to know so many great ppl. it is great to still keep in touch with the very same old friends who share a bond that would probably, and hopefully, never be broken.

7. well.. i actually got it more underway than last year.. so yup(pardon me for my lack of a better sentence). at least im in G3NUS.. which i feel is the best decision in this year!! hurray~ well.. i've finally performed live.. and recently i had just transcript/transposed/arranged/"or what u call it" a song for nian nian tuan. haha

2010. this time it would be a new chapter of my life.. totally. (nice number to make such a resolution as well.

well.. because im going out to CD with my g@y buddies(possibly in sexual sense, HAHAHA). i have no time, and had not thought of my resolution for 2010 yet. so i shall pen them down only tmr! (this entry would then be re-dated)

See you guys in 2010!

new design of fireworks

A new year, a new beginning for many; new things to look forward to; new resolutions.

Here goes..

resolution for 2010

1. BE HAPPY

2. Meet more new friends!

3. Continue to improve on my guitar skills!

4. Finally find someone i like who likes me also (hopefully)

5. Stay healthy

There.. the simplest wishes for a simple and happy life.

I hope 2010 will be legendary/awesome!!

wish me luck!

gg

i would like to ask... can i ever find another person whom with i can fall in love to the same extend, to the same intensity? to go through what we did?!??

its fucking unfair


PS:
im going to collect small pockets of sentences like this and someday maybe write a novel or play/screenplay!

read me not

for i dont lust the spiders which dwell not in the warmth of hearts but the winters of happily ever afters.



i love this very line that i've just created at 3am!

the chords struck; the heartstrings resonate; but would there be music?

花 接受凋零 风 接受追寻
心的伤还有一些 不要紧
我接受你的决定
你将会被谁抱紧 唱什麼歌哄他开心
我想著天空什麼时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停
你的明天 有多快乐 不是我的
(我的明天 快不快乐 都是我的)
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了 伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格
你的祝福 一半甜的 一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱著 一半的歌
(另一半的歌)

也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福
一半甜的一半苦的
一半甜的一半苦的

像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱著一半的歌

to remind myself why am i studying so hard

i want to understand the world better by having more knowledge of it,
and not hearing from emotional accounts.

only then will i be able to give less subjective and more objective views of what is happening around me.

lalala study hard!!

我的生活

我的生活方式太过安全..做事总是打量过危险..
可能就因为这样.. 过的生活特别平凡..
平凡不好吗?

不过.. 感觉似乎正在错过什么是的..

5

happy 5th birthday to my blog!!!


(its so convenient to have my blog bdae after qw's.. dont need to rmb.. shh dun let my blog know!!)

lying

lying is analogous to being caught in a web.
the more you turn and twist, the less chance you get can ever out of it.

anger

you may think that the only option is to swallow your anger or throw it at someone's face, but theres a third option; you can just let it go.

and only if u do that it will be truly gone.

手

早安太阳.
认识您这么久了, 您依然没变.
您还是这么灿烂,您还是我在生活黑暗中的指南针.

手中的笔,不知被谁吵醒,
在白纸上写下了我对您的感情.
不知如何向您表达
我心怀中的情信
我把纸折成飞机
丢向天空翱翔.

就象我们爸爸赢取妈妈的海鸥
我暗暗希望它能飞进您的心窗.

右手牵手,左手被牵.
从前梦里的情人,
已在我面前.

右手牵手,左手被牵.


not bad sia.. nxt time can use for lyrics also..
anw this is hypothetical.. except if qw imagine this is what i wrote for him then i dun mind.. lol

dun mind my poor attempt to revise my chinese..

misery loves company,
but would love find me one too?

Someone like me.

His heart faltered,
but he recalled how you reminisce your trophies.
14, 16, 21;
and that,
you won it the day you took away,
something i was never expecting
to find back,
until today.

Today, someone else found it.
Though that I missed it very much,
"Finder's keeper", i say,
and i really hope that she really would.

she really would.

when you are born with nothing,
you know the costs of everything.

my ES1301 teacher said: "you should be in literature"

wherefore art thou juliet?

the tables turn

it is time now.

the time to choose
the past, or the present;
to be the future.

the past, something i had known, for all these years,
something i had accustomed to.
pain and joy, to the last letter.
it was less of the latter.

the present, something i can see now, for its virtue,
something i can feel now.
exciting and new, it takes us as surprise.
it is much better than before, or so it is to be believed.

that i want to believe.

because sometimes if you are really honest in what you want for life, life gives it to you.

saturday i must:

go thru ec1301 tutorials -- done
read finish ec1301 lectures -- done
do ma1102r tutorial -- done
do finish ma1102r assignment -- fail .. :'( edit: done!

sunday i must:

do ma1101r tutorial -- done
revise 1101r abit -- done
read finish st1131 lectures -- doneeeeeeeeeee!

like it's of any use

its amazing, how..

we know what is happening halfway across the globe
but dont know what is happening to our neighbours next door.

we know what is best for a 12-year old
but not know what to do when we are 20, or 40, or 80.

we can count how many times a person makes a mistake
but not know how many times we've made them ourselves.


its amazing how...

we complain of having so little time
and yet we spent so much time complaining.


like it's of any use

Life is a multiple choice of:

What do you want to do today?

A. Study

B. Watch drama

C. Play computer games

D. Go out with friends/family

E. All of the above

Answer ( E ) Wrong. You wont have enough time.

just beat it

we do this only after you are gone.

fighting, struggling to retain

hoping things would remain the same way.

hoping time to stop.

repeat.

repeat, the bits of memories that we now call memories,

only now.

do we regret it or will we just never learn?

today while coming home i saw a mother holding (presumably) her 4-5 year old boy's hand and jaywalked at the traffic junction in front of bedok library as the driver of the bus i was on was honking at them.

seriously.. by jaywalking how much time can you save? 3 mins at most? when you have a child and you are holding his hands, walk slowly and enjoy what you have la! smell the roses!! wait till your boy grows up and become like me, like all of us, shout at parents! (or at least i shamefully admit i do...) Bo chap! Argue!

i seriously sometimes just dont get what other humans are doing.. Seriously. so either there is something wrong with me, or there is something wrong with them.

ok something wrong with me ba.

if only i was born at a remote area on earth

where nobody will tell me that if i want to survive,

i need to do whatever to earn big money.

i dont want this kind of lousy life.

i need help

dont paint my death with roses, it's almost petulant to do so.

yay i have bid my 5 modules already.

gave up on Reporting Stats in media... min bid 400.. zz

with tutorials im hoping to let it squeeze within the 3 days ba.. hopefully can do it.
wish me luck.

screw the ES1301 for making me come back on saturday though.

either im very unfit now,
or i just love to sleep whenever i lie on my bed.

i see so many people, praying to their gods.

im a free thinker.

i have no gods.

do gods even exist?

why?

why are we suffering?

why are we here, and you are up there?

why do i feel pain,

when she leaves

when solitude swallow me whole

when she never came

when i was all alone?

i am alone.

why did you make me this way?

why do i have to be born in the first place?

why if life is a gift,

mine started with a debt?

i am born:

to repay my parents' kindness

to repay to society

to repay to god

to carry the sins of our ancestors

to be burdened by the earth they left behind.

why do you appear to give us the gift to choose,

when we cant even choose

whether we wanted to be born,

into this shit.

to clean up other's shit.

i want to be born oblivion.

can you make me more so?

i dont want to be good.

i want to live life to it's fullest, too.

i want to see the moon in it's brightest glow,

without wondering if it's silky loins made by greenhouse gases.

i want to see the river weaving through mountains and carrassing the earth,

without the plastic bags.

i want to live more for myself.

i want to be more selfish.

because im tired

im tired trying to live.

without going against my conscience.

why do you make the world this way,

god?

why give me so many hardships so that i would grow strong,

if i cant even forever think of fighting you for my right to live, or die.

why do you even bother to come,

just to mess up our life.

you give and you take and you give and you take again.

i hope i truly amused you.

why do you make the world this way,

god?

i concede.

Thinker Theory

going by the scientific point of view(im a free thinker btw),

we as living beings, we have the so called consciousness or "soul" or the ability to think and to be aware of the surroundings are all because of the brain.

that is to say, when we die, or the brain dies, this so mentioned consciousness is going to disappear as well.

i know several religions believe in the afterlife, be it the subsequent phase be utopia, or an indefinite loop of reincarnation or other wise. but what if science is true?

will we, or i, come into senses as a completely new person like how i remembered coming into this world, when we, or i die? i was already probably 4-5 years old then. 

so with my passing away, most probably all my data i have gathered this lifetime would stay in that dysfunct brain. the memory of me even discussing or pondering about this subject would like rest of the memories and complex thinking algorithms built from young soon dissipate to becoming maggot food or rather, hydrocarbons, oxides, or carbon dioxide into the air.

even if i do intuitively 'take over' or should i say "feel" from another new form or body, a newborn baby, I wouldn't have the data to deduce i did this incredible feat of space-time quantum leap. but i now see it is impossible now if u think in term of physics. would an event happening in other remote non-referenced frame trigger something in another frame? okay i dont understand what im saying also in the last sentence, but yeah its impossible.

so there u go. enjoy your life before it ends, without compromising the enjoyment of others. that's known as moral btw. soon we will all permanently "shut down" and this is the only time you regret not having pre-installed Windows operating systems. but death isnt so nice that they save ur work nicely and slowly purge your unwanted data. its more like a irrecoverable BSOD and your system does not support reboot because you have a water cooling system linked to your OS which when the OS fails, it would stop working and your system will be fried in 5 minutes if you dont recover in time.

okay enough of computers lol. back to topic.

to summarize:

1. you can never be bill gate's grandson or great grandson.

2. neither can you be any one else's

3. the ability to think and sense your surroundings is truly a gift. learn to appreciate.

4. you only live this once. try to be happy(it's weird giving advice to myself when i dont seem to follow them)

i dont know why, but when i return to singapore to my seat here in front of my computer,

a sudden wave of sadness and grief just splashes back on me.

i hate this place.

almost suicidal.

im tipping over a cliff.

im just waiting for someone or something to give me a push.

this is what i do when im bored.

I have just had a breakthrough on my theory of fate.

** We cannot use the present to know the past - it would be at most a intelligent guess, but we can use the present to predict the future. **

Please put this quote to my name next time so i get famous ok? hahaha.

to show u some examples i can think of,

lets say in front of you is a car accident,

with this information and all the things you have, you could not have known what really really happened(assuming the driver and his passenger died soon after). It could be that they quarrelled on the car, then the driver maybe dulan and go crash the car against the curb that caused the car to overturned and killed both of them. It could also be that the driver sneezed and or fell asleep that the car accidentally went on the curb and the car overturned and killed them.  

what you know now, the both of them bleeding profusely, and suppose this is outside sungei gedong road, and in 1 km you have sungei gedong medical centre, and probably 10km you have NUH, then lets say singapore no more money for helicopter, and your battery no batt. you can know with information that you are able to obtain that the two person are going to die.

to see this in terms of functions, A -> B.

Lets say current situation is A1, and it is defined by causal and deterministic laws that B1 will definitely happen. B1 will happen.

but if event B1 happened, you cant be sure that it was A1 which caused it.

This is something like your A maths where you have to this function is 1-1 and is not likewise with f inverse.

Gibson's First Law of Fate:

So with all the information available and extractable, we are only able to predict the future.

In equation form, A->B =/= B-> A

though the idea is simple, i will define this as my first law.(susceptible to changes)

by the way, there are no such thing as miracles or perfectly random events. (even dice tossing if you can control the angular velocity and height and time of flight, fluid properties(unless u throw it on vacuum) and surface properties of table (or hand if u catches it) and so many more factors, a certain result would most definitely occur).

passion. find me.

because i have nothing to do.

because i dont know what to do.

because i dont know what i love to do.

i am, 

inhuman.

inhuman.

inhuman.

kill me if im not already dead.

not alive, but half dead.

not alive, but half dead.

my life.

end it. end it. end it.

for me.

please.

something random :)

sumqingwei says:
fman go watch what show
sumqingwei says:
tv?
Gibson says:
duno him
Gibson says:
the art of killing
sumqingwei says:
haha
Gibson says:
Long Division of humans
Gibson says:
High Performance Killing
sumqingwei says:
haha
Gibson says:
haha i just tot of a random idea
Gibson says:
if u managed to stop photons in a room
Gibson says:
wad will u see
Gibson says:
then photons wont hit your eyes
Gibson says:
unless u move to them
sumqingwei says:
err particles of light?
Gibson says:
ya
Gibson says:
so if u move closer to another object or person
Gibson says:
u can actually see what u suppose to see 0.0000000000000000000000000001 second later
Gibson says:
then if u walked backwards
Gibson says:
u can actually see what happened 0.0000000000000000000001s before
Gibson says:
v interesting rite
sumqingwei says:
that is if u can stop light?
Gibson says:
ya la
sumqingwei says:
if cannot stop means u must move faster than speed of light?
sumqingwei says:
lol
Gibson says:
actually i had done it
Gibson says:
everyone had done it
Gibson says:
haha
Gibson says:
not stopped la
Gibson says:
but captured it
Gibson says:
cameras haha
Gibson says:
photos and videos
sumqingwei says:
lol -.-
Gibson says:
captured the state of it
Gibson says:
haha really... sia
Gibson says:
amazing rite
sumqingwei says:
study physics
Gibson says:
must blog this
Gibson says:
stop typing ah.. i copy our convo

fast and furious

wow.. just when i wanted to sleep i suddenly saw this!!

D: 1.7mb/s!!! download!! omg

dropped back 100+kb/s le..

lol and what a nice pattern the graph have.. like ancient character of shan(mountain)

it dropped at the end because that particular torrent dl finish liao.

how i wish everyday dl so fast.. 

I applied into MIT and I got in!

hahahahaha.. i anyhow apply then i got in!

i must jia you from now on.. everyone gimme support k? dont call me up for movies on times I have lectures/tutorials :)

Was too boring I had to blog.

I have officially slacked for 4 months. its omfg when i realised it. Though it didn't felt long, but I'm currently bored to the state that playing games could make insane, and I can't last for more than 30mins each game I tried to play!

to be contined.. i try a new game

target update 20/01/2009

things to do before uni:

learn guitar # halfway!

learn piano

learn tennis 

decide what to do in life

learn economics # started first page but kinda stopped..

learn statistics 

play ra3 ~ done!

play call of duty 5 ~ done!

play grand theft auto 4 # started, but my comp laggy so gave up and wait for comp upgrade

play starcraft 2

play diablo 3

watch heroes # reached current episode

watch gossip girl # reached current episode

watch bleach # reached current episode

watch code geass ~ done!

watch all movies i have # dling and watching..

get a job

get a new camera fone ~ done!

get a laptop

get a new pair of spectacles/contacts

get a guitar capo ~ done!

get a electric tuner (temporarily replaced by microphone and a neat software on my comp)

- those without tag are still untouched :'(

I wonder was i so focused all along or this thing really helped me to be very focused! Seems like i'm doing good and not wasting my life, though i definitely feel im wasting my life(wake up(12am), play comp, play guitar, eat, play comp, play guitar, play comp, eat, play comp, read book, sleep(2am))

even though I don't have high expectations of life, but still i feel that i might be disadvantaged by doing these instead of paving my way to a better career - building up networks, signing up internships, research and data collection. ALL THESE makes our life so commercialised. It's like one is measuring his/her quality of life using career success as a gauge. 

There are 2 things I especially hate. People who make money USING friends, and the act of people making friends just to make money(or make use of them). I f-word-ing despise them. Sorry for my strong emotions :'(

green green green

im old already

To anyone who is reading this, you are hereby coardially invited to my birthday celebration!

WHAT?:
Gibson's 21st Birthday

WHERE??:
Aloha Changi, Yacht Club Chalet (see map for YCC)

WHEN???:
23 Jan 2009 (Fri), 6.30pm – 10.30pm (9pm cake cutting)

HOW????:
From Tampines Int, take bus 29 to GOVT CHALETS bus stop on Netheravon Rd.

There will be buffet dinner catered. Feel free to bring your +1s :)

Kindly RSVP* by 20 Jan 2009, so I can make arrangements for the food! 

Sorry most likely no bbq, cause already catering food. But if anybody wants, you can make use of my bbq pit by holding your own gathering there. The more the merrier. :)  

Map:

*just inform me who coming can le. tag or msn or sms me also can

Welcome to 2009

2008's wishlist:
1. get out of army alive.
2. make more friends.
3. completely get rid of my acne.
4. stay happy and healthy.
5. everyone's wishes comes true.
6.
7. world a better place.

Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled

1. ok im talking now! so really glad!

2. okay.. it's mathematically correct so ya..

3. more or less

4. this is abit grey.. should have made it more clear. Cos 365 days ago i wasn't really happy either. 1 year ago i could do 2.4km in about 9mins and maybe below, but now after nua for so many months i doubt i can be nowhere near that la.. so erm.. more or less.

5. i dont know. maybe you do..? but i tink some have some dont have.

6. still trying my best

7. guess i dont need to explain much

Ok.. in overall, 2008 was a freaking fast year. The time when I had to do guard duty on 1/1/08 seems only days ago. Perhaps its army army army all the way, and the cool taiwan trip. Busy life passes very fast i guess.

RESOLUTION FOR 2009 

1. Feel that i have chosen the right uni course

2. BE HAPPY

3. Spend my pre uni time wisely

4. IPPT GOLD PLEASE ($400!!!!!!!)

5. Have more friends!

6.

7. Master guitar to a pro level ok?

Oh and i saw from yahoo that one should not make resolutions about one's physical aspect(fatter/thinner etc) cos will cause depression :'(

another lonely christmas gone

new year is coming.. i need a job!!

been learning guitar the past few days.. so much that my left hand fingertips are so numb and sore and lil blue black :(.

nth to do.. and very sian, i shall update my "want" list..

things to do before uni:

learn guitar # halfway!

learn piano

learn tennis 

decide what to do in life

learn economics # started first page but kinda stopped..

learn statistics 

play ra3 ~ done!

play call of duty 5 ~ done!

play grand theft auto 4 # started, but my comp laggy so gave up and wait for comp upgrade

play starcraft 2

play diablo 3

watch heroes # halfway

watch gossip girl # reached current episode

watch bleach # reached current episode

watch code geass # left last 2 episode bu she de finish.. lol

watch all movies i have # dling and watching..

get a job

get a new camera fone

get a laptop

get a new pair of spectacles/contacts

get a guitar capo ~ done!

get a electric tuner (temporarily replaced by microphone and a neat software on my comp)

- those in blue are newly added!

- those without tag are still untouched :'(

not bad not bad!! 

almost half all done/reached maximum state

the buying of things one... wait i get job then she de buy.. 

or my bdae actually quite near you know... *hint hint*

update: bought the capo!

today, tomorrow

sometimes i feel singapore is not a very good place to be, and maybe the younger generation are getting more and more sheltered. I actually saw a thread on a forum titled Is it a MUST to offer seat to the pregnant or elderly. It's kinda sad hearing people asking this question. A singaporean especially. 

It seems the people these days have to be told what they should do? This kind of question don't need to be asked in the first place. If one have the heart or consideration for others.. it comes naturally. It's not something under your moral dictionary, and if you have one.. i dont know why you even need it. 

DOES anyone need to teach you to respect your parents? DOES anyone need to teach you not to bite the hands that bring you food? 

Feeling kinda crap now.

look what you've done

Was emoing and looking for old songs awhile then i found an old post of mine.. cant believe 4 years ago i talked like this! hahaha. but definitely that was a crazy day..

oh.. the song i was looking for is a special songs with its lyrics broken up and at midway of the song, it is sung from bottom up! v nice! but i forgot name liao.. if anyone know pls tell me..

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2004

Michelle Branch rox! Actually i mean her songs =) 

Yes! I have been posted to another JC, NOT VJ! Why? Hahaha, cos i suck! Nvm about that. Different Jc so what? Haah. 

Yeah, saw the fat man inside VJC General Office today! He is so chubby i almost wanted to squeeze his cheeky cheeks! Oh im getting crazy! I submitted a 1cm thick appeal to the office HAHAHA. Actually not 1cm la.. around.. 3mm and i mean it! Total of 17 pages :) 

1st page is the form itself. 2nd and 3rd are sec3/4 results. 4th is PAE verification form. 5th is CCA records. 6Th is testimonial 7th onwards are all certs! yeah im damn talented ya know.. Hope they will accept! Or i go back and kick that fat man's butt keke. 

Ouch gastric! Spent whole morning on this. Quite alot people appeal. ard 10 for science? is that alot? haha no idea! Im full of hope in everything! Im getting mad! 

Wow another michelle branch song playing! Breathe and 'til i get over you are nice songs in terms of just the melody and stuffs, not the lyrics. But dido still rox! 

Every 9 pts people get into vj and i 10 cant get in lol.. isnt that fun? Haha. 

Last shoutout to all my frens! Good luck in your JCs/Polys ! Qw jia you ar! Yf good luck! Fman dont hobby too much (talking!) can liao! Yes i mentioned 3 names! Tonight headlines will be someone like this: Teen brutally murdered in Bedok Reservoir road. 3 friends suspected to be involved! 

lifespan calculator

您将于公元2081年11月22日去世！

您距离死亡还有： 72年 0月 4日 7时 29分 22秒

http://www.huoguan.com/survey/lifetest.do?username=1306780799#myspace.cn

too little too late.

ahh.. its nearing the end of the year! to me, this year is incredibly fast.. which is good too. cos this year i ORD lo..

ah.. and i dug out my this year's resolutions to try and see if i've fulfilled them, and if not, try and do some last minute work!

2008's wishlist:
1. get out of army alive.
2. make more friends.
3. completely get rid of my acne.
4. stay happy and healthy.
5. everyone's wishes comes true.
6.
7. world a better place.

Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled

Im going to post this again at the start of nxt year.. so i shant say much about them now.. cos the year has not ended yet..

kk. im gonna work on those with colours except green.. see what i can do in 20 odd days!

happy 4th birthday

my blog is 4 years old! omg im so old.

Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Physical Touch:		8
Words of Affirmation:		6
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		3

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

lazy bones

I don't know.. 

After 2-3weeks of zuo bo-ing at home. 

I suddenly feel very sian. 

My interest for new games like RA3 and Call of Duty: World at War can only last for one mission worth of time in the games.

Perhaps it's because I'm playing all these alone. 

Sad life..

It's funny.. how targets in games can be set so easily compared to real life. "To reach level xx by x days" Purpose is clear, methodology vivid. Sometimes i wonder how life is similar to games. For games, you know sooner or later you will stop playing the game, but yet you would still put in every time and effort to make everything right, while you are still playing the game. Life certainly is not forever, and yet you see SO much effort is put by different people trying to live better, trying to earn more money, trying to persuade people, trying to try things, trying to be DIFFERENT. 

We are all the same. We are stubborn - stubborn for hope, and that makes us human. We know we will die anyway, but deep down inside we hope we wouldn't. At least not our spiritual soul anyway. 

When we break up with somebody, we hope they would return. When we are poor, we hope we have enough money to get by. When we are down on our luck, we hope that the next thing to happen is luck. When we are being raped by qingwei, we hope we can rape him back.

When one loses hope, he/she hopes that things would just end.

Whoever who gives hope to people, gives people 'lives'. 'Lives' perceived by human's as good, because they hope that living is good. If i were to tell you there makes no difference between your existence and non-existence, you wouldn't mind not living. 

Sometimes 'life' is not as good as people think it is, they start to blame 'life' for being bad. "I have a bad 'life' and there is nothing i can do with it." It's most unfortunate but in actual sense, one could say that the person's 'life' is not what he/she hoped for, and therefore wouldn't mind not living.

If we were just entities in this world, in computing sense, then i think hope and life are codes that humans can't do without. They are the guardians for the for or while loops. In actual fact, they are more like the brackets in the loop. It ensures that humans do what they do until their time is out - alas, the argument of 'duration less than x' no longer hold true.

Yes, while we are living, we may get to see a few other such brackets, or hope, that keeps us occupied doing specific things. One who sees hope in gambling, does gambling over and over again, until the specific time where he/she falls out of the for/while loop, in triump or defeat. 

Humans are all the same. Data or as we term them as "memories" get passed from one human to another, and get flushed when forgotten/overwritten - 'broken pointers' in computer terms. Humans are the same. When their time is up, when they are done, they get deleted or flushed. If there is a need, a new entity would take over his/her previous responsibillities.

Ok.. im just very bored and didn't feel like playing any games, so i write all these for fun.

I'm off hoping to be a more happy entity for now!

my ORD.

*melodious beep tone~*

I'm awaken by my handphone alarm at 5.30am, just realising that i only slept 3 hours ago.

The night before I had many thoughts in mind. Mainly because the next day is my ord.

The next thing i knew, i was already on my way to the bus stop in my civilian clothes.

On the way there, i began to recollect all the experience I had during these 2 years, the good and the bad, and how did they changed my life. Whether if im posted to unit (41 SAR) instead, having different people as buddies, would I change? For better or worse? Thinking of how our lives shape us to be who we are. I'm lucky to say that I'm still meeting the right people.. i guess.. haha.

I reached my bunk only to found out that my bed and cupboard is already occupied by someone else. The best thing is that.. my cupboard lock has been changed to someone else's. Then where are my precious things? The most important thing i recall leaving inside is my course photograph at the taipei tao yuan international airport. I immediately looked into the thrash bag in the bunk only to find my toothpaste and other thrash inside. I went on to find out who is the one to moved in to my bed and actually broke my lock (it cost at least 5 dollars by the way) and threw all my things away. 

After some asking around, found out it's one of the new people from my dept. He said they just moved in the night before, and thought we ord so they broke our locks(oh great!). He added that he knew that the photograph would mean something and therefore put it somewhere else(where he did not remember). After a trip back to the bunk, he concluded that most likely it has been thrown away with other thrash. (what a welcome back on last day? it's like bad things WILL happen any day in camp.) But i held back my emotions despite being a sentimental(i guess) person, because its my ord and i dont want to spoil the memories.

After some paperwork, at 11.30am, I have officially ORDed by getting my Pink IC back! The guy from the photo of my Pink IC looks so young so different from me. :'(

I was then presented the Certificate of Service, service transcript and testimonial by my CO. Oh, so I'm actually an OUTSTANDING soldier with OUTSTANDING conduct. Great! I should sign on! Like real..

One thing on my testimonial said, "Gibson will continue to excel in any field in the future". That's reassuring.. however I don't know which field to choose.

My buddy has ORDed the day before, so it makes the whole process a little bit more emotional i guess. :'( 

And so i left the camp with some of my friends at 12pm sharp, without looking back at all. When you look back, it's either you can't let go or you have no choice but to go. Therefore I didn't. Because I know it's only good for us to let go and move on to next phase of life for us to be happy, and thus i choose to go.

I have... ORD LOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

with mixed feelings. But i know it's a kind of happiness.

so many things so little time

things to do before uni:

learn guitar

learn piano

learn tennis

decide what to do in life

learn economics

learn statistics

play ra3

play call of duty 5

play grand theft auto 4

play starcraft 2

play diablo 3

watch heroes

watch gossip girl

watch bleach

watch code geass

watch all movies i have

get a job

get a new camera fone

get a laptop

get a new pair of spectacles/contacts

to be continued...

they hunger

im having a macraving now. no thats not a new burger from macdonalds, but im having a craving for mac RIGHT NOW. im hungry..

that aside, im 2 working days and 1 guard duty to my ord.

mixed feelings i guess.

i can finally leave the shithole full of liars, hypocrites, ballsuckers, suckers, and f-kers, for real.

no longer trapped in the stupid system with fk'd up hierachy. It's sometimes funny that a aristocratic form of organisation (or rather, disorganisation) is in charge of defending Singapore, a republic. ok.. or rather im not an army type of person.

the sad thing about leaving is that this may be the last time i'll be seeing my friends in ns already!!

I'm also daunted by the future. Being 21 years old and, having to make life changing decisions like uni application, and the shear 8-9months of free time!

bandwidth intensive thread!

i was bored and i went download.com to shop.. 

this is my new desktop!! im using windows XP by the way. :)

at the same time trying out the screen recorder as well haha..

sorry for the poor quality, thats the best youtube can give.

im sorry for the lack of a sexy narrator voice from ehem'.. myself.. but i hope the sexy blog i posted should make up for it :))))))

these are some interesting things:

do you remember your childhood games?

would you do this?

"Quinson said he doesn't miss money, nor does he pine for the adrenaline boost from the trading floor, but he does feel deprived of female companionship."

and..

you have been ns'ed

somebody in edmw forum ask, NS in Resume? 

this is one of the funniest reply you can find.

ns ~ waste of time and resources 
but maybe if u are joining mediacorp, ns is important cos u learn alot on acting and wayang skills ! 

Here's something i found on youtube(i might be slow...): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__PWe4-CGTU

Probably after i ORD i will buy this:

Probably instead of this i will buy one super good camera, probably a Digital SLR. I want to keep things alive, especially my memories. But memories will eventually fade away. Bytes won't! At least with today's technology it won't be so fast.

Suddenly, i felt that i was henta kaki(army command - meaning march on the ground) for very long already. All this time devoted to the nation, albeit important, has saw my mind coming to a standstill. 

I figured all this while in my life I haven't had any progress in anything. Watching taiwanese variety shows presenting kids aged 3 playing drums as pro as how I cried and defecated in my diapers at that same age, made me realise that I am still doing nothing.

Born musicians are already musicians, aspiring musicians are already musicians. Same as other disciplines. But me? Probably the highest and most incredible and definitely not the proudest advancement I find myself make was my level 45 Cleric in MapleSEA. 

I wanted to be a programmer. I stopped programming.

I dreamt of being a progamer. My skills were nowhere near. 

I aspired to be a music artiste. I had better not.

I hoped to play professional tennis. I don't even know how to serve.

I have a dream. To live in a big house on top of a green hill, where at night I could stargaze with my lover and at day I could just sit on top of the hill and enjoy the breeze with the same person. My bank account has only 4 digits and I haven't had any girlfriend yet.

People have long left the crossroads, I'm still here wondering which way to go.

Probably because I have no one to go with.

Probably because I'm too afraid to find out what's at the end of the roads.

Probably because I have no interest in walking any of the roads.

I'm like a lost sheep. Like most of everyone else in this world. Human beings are a confused species. They don't know what they want. Do what they don't want, and want what they don't do. 

Perhaps a very emo post lol. Maybe if I don't tink too much I will be much happier, but knowing that I didn't tink when I do know that I can is a bigger pain. If we don't tink, will our lives be in vain?

Edit:

just to add.. some very smart guy who has indeed advanced deep deep into the killer industry said this near the start of my blog.

"aiya i oso dunno wad 2 sae la, but u onli live once, sumtimes if u misse chance le nxt time u find it harder 2 find back wad u realli wanted then u will alwayz tink abt it n regret 4 life" 

 HOW TRUE OMG. that's the 2nd time i said that lol. This guy is too wise to be a killer. Thanks f***man for your wonderful quote again haha

paint my heart blue

taiwan is officially the 2nd longest country have i stayed in.

my experience of the people there is good. they're happy, relax people.
looking at the tensed up faces of singaporeans dampens my mood,
and at the same time, can't help but think..

are we really pushing too hard?

if working for 8-5pm(actually is 24 hours) is not,
if squeezing on a stupid mrt every morning is not,
if sending our young to tuition classes is not,
if aiming for a better house, a better car, a better discount, is not,
then what is?

xi men ting and most shops in taipei city OPENS at 10 - 11am, even on weekends.
on mid autumn festival, they gather together to barbecue meat.

sometimes i wonder, we are always busy, and yet we haven't seem to be improving our lives.
read: lives! not livelihood.

im cant be more guilty for turning this blog into a one-stop lamenting petrol kiosk, but i feel that my life is far from complete. i felt so.. conformed. conformed to peer pressure or rather.. societal pressure. this country i was born into made me into who i am today.


on a happier note..
I'm going to ord soon!! and around 2/5 of my remaining working days i will be clearning off and leave! I'm so gonna miss my friends in army.. the things we do together!
All will be remembered: the jokes we shared, the punishment we took, the rewards we fought hard together to win.
Nonetheless, I'm going to start my Civilian Induction Programme really soon!
What does it consists of?
1. Reducing my vulgarities usage to zero!
2. Not scanning anything before i eat (that's easy to maintain outside of army)
3. SAYING NO to unfair requests (aka playing of rank!) !
4. Saying 'Hi' instead of Good Morning Sir.
5. Stop eating crappy food!

Record:
meaning remembering this very exquisite phase of life, life from being a REC(recruit) to ORD(operational ready date).

Have you recorded?