Thursday, December 11, 2008

today, tomorrow

sometimes i feel singapore is not a very good place to be, and maybe the younger generation are getting more and more sheltered. I actually saw a thread on a forum titled Is it a MUST to offer seat to the pregnant or elderly. It's kinda sad hearing people asking this question. A singaporean especially. 

It seems the people these days have to be told what they should do? This kind of question don't need to be asked in the first place. If one have the heart or consideration for others.. it comes naturally. It's not something under your moral dictionary, and if you have one.. i dont know why you even need it. 

DOES anyone need to teach you to respect your parents? DOES anyone need to teach you not to bite the hands that bring you food? 

Feeling kinda crap now.

look what you've done

Was emoing and looking for old songs awhile then i found an old post of mine.. cant believe 4 years ago i talked like this! hahaha. but definitely that was a crazy day..

oh.. the song i was looking for is a special songs with its lyrics broken up and at midway of the song, it is sung from bottom up! v nice! but i forgot name liao.. if anyone know pls tell me..

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2004

Michelle Branch rox! Actually i mean her songs =) 

Yes! I have been posted to another JC, NOT VJ! Why? Hahaha, cos i suck! Nvm about that. Different Jc so what? Haah. 

Yeah, saw the fat man inside VJC General Office today! He is so chubby i almost wanted to squeeze his cheeky cheeks! Oh im getting crazy! I submitted a 1cm thick appeal to the office HAHAHA. Actually not 1cm la.. around.. 3mm and i mean it! Total of 17 pages :) 

1st page is the form itself. 2nd and 3rd are sec3/4 results. 4th is PAE verification form. 5th is CCA records. 6Th is testimonial 7th onwards are all certs! yeah im damn talented ya know.. Hope they will accept! Or i go back and kick that fat man's butt keke. 

Ouch gastric! Spent whole morning on this. Quite alot people appeal. ard 10 for science? is that alot? haha no idea! Im full of hope in everything! Im getting mad! 

Wow another michelle branch song playing! Breathe and 'til i get over you are nice songs in terms of just the melody and stuffs, not the lyrics. But dido still rox! 

Every 9 pts people get into vj and i 10 cant get in lol.. isnt that fun? Haha. 

Last shoutout to all my frens! Good luck in your JCs/Polys ! Qw jia you ar! Yf good luck! Fman dont hobby too much (talking!) can liao! Yes i mentioned 3 names! Tonight headlines will be someone like this: Teen brutally murdered in Bedok Reservoir road. 3 friends suspected to be involved! 

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

lifespan calculator

您将于公元2081年11月22日去世!

您距离死亡还有: 72年 0月 4日 7时 29分 22

http://www.huoguan.com/survey/lifetest.do?username=1306780799#myspace.cn

Monday, December 08, 2008

too little too late.

ahh.. its nearing the end of the year! to me, this year is incredibly fast.. which is good too. cos this year i ORD lo..

ah.. and i dug out my this year's resolutions to try and see if i've fulfilled them, and if not, try and do some last minute work!

2008's wishlist:
1. get out of army alive.
2. make more friends.
3. completely get rid of my acne.
4. stay happy and healthy.
5. everyone's wishes comes true.
6.
7. world a better place.

Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled

Im going to post this again at the start of nxt year.. so i shant say much about them now.. cos the year has not ended yet..

kk. im gonna work on those with colours except green.. see what i can do in 20 odd days!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Love Languages

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time: 9
Physical Touch: 8
Words of Affirmation: 6
Acts of Service: 4
Receiving Gifts: 3


Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Sunday, November 16, 2008

lazy bones

I don't know.. 
After 2-3weeks of zuo bo-ing at home. 
I suddenly feel very sian. 
My interest for new games like RA3 and Call of Duty: World at War can only last for one mission worth of time in the games.
Perhaps it's because I'm playing all these alone. 

Sad life..

It's funny.. how targets in games can be set so easily compared to real life. "To reach level xx by x days" Purpose is clear, methodology vivid. Sometimes i wonder how life is similar to games. For games, you know sooner or later you will stop playing the game, but yet you would still put in every time and effort to make everything right, while you are still playing the game. Life certainly is not forever, and yet you see SO much effort is put by different people trying to live better, trying to earn more money, trying to persuade people, trying to try things, trying to be DIFFERENT. 

We are all the same. We are stubborn - stubborn for hope, and that makes us human. We know we will die anyway, but deep down inside we hope we wouldn't. At least not our spiritual soul anyway. 

When we break up with somebody, we hope they would return. When we are poor, we hope we have enough money to get by. When we are down on our luck, we hope that the next thing to happen is luck. When we are being raped by qingwei, we hope we can rape him back.

When one loses hope, he/she hopes that things would just end.

Whoever who gives hope to people, gives people 'lives'. 'Lives' perceived by human's as good, because they hope that living is good. If i were to tell you there makes no difference between your existence and non-existence, you wouldn't mind not living. 

Sometimes 'life' is not as good as people think it is, they start to blame 'life' for being bad. "I have a bad 'life' and there is nothing i can do with it." It's most unfortunate but in actual sense, one could say that the person's 'life' is not what he/she hoped for, and therefore wouldn't mind not living.

If we were just entities in this world, in computing sense, then i think hope and life are codes that humans can't do without. They are the guardians for the for or while loops. In actual fact, they are more like the brackets in the loop. It ensures that humans do what they do until their time is out - alas, the argument of 'duration less than x' no longer hold true.

Yes, while we are living, we may get to see a few other such brackets, or hope, that keeps us occupied doing specific things. One who sees hope in gambling, does gambling over and over again, until the specific time where he/she falls out of the for/while loop, in triump or defeat. 

Humans are all the same. Data or as we term them as "memories" get passed from one human to another, and get flushed when forgotten/overwritten - 'broken pointers' in computer terms. Humans are the same. When their time is up, when they are done, they get deleted or flushed. If there is a need, a new entity would take over his/her previous responsibillities.


Ok.. im just very bored and didn't feel like playing any games, so i write all these for fun.

I'm off hoping to be a more happy entity for now!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

my ORD.

*melodious beep tone~*
I'm awaken by my handphone alarm at 5.30am, just realising that i only slept 3 hours ago.
The night before I had many thoughts in mind. Mainly because the next day is my ord.

The next thing i knew, i was already on my way to the bus stop in my civilian clothes.
On the way there, i began to recollect all the experience I had during these 2 years, the good and the bad, and how did they changed my life. Whether if im posted to unit (41 SAR) instead, having different people as buddies, would I change? For better or worse? Thinking of how our lives shape us to be who we are. I'm lucky to say that I'm still meeting the right people.. i guess.. haha.

I reached my bunk only to found out that my bed and cupboard is already occupied by someone else. The best thing is that.. my cupboard lock has been changed to someone else's. Then where are my precious things? The most important thing i recall leaving inside is my course photograph at the taipei tao yuan international airport. I immediately looked into the thrash bag in the bunk only to find my toothpaste and other thrash inside. I went on to find out who is the one to moved in to my bed and actually broke my lock (it cost at least 5 dollars by the way) and threw all my things away. 

After some asking around, found out it's one of the new people from my dept. He said they just moved in the night before, and thought we ord so they broke our locks(oh great!). He added that he knew that the photograph would mean something and therefore put it somewhere else(where he did not remember). After a trip back to the bunk, he concluded that most likely it has been thrown away with other thrash. (what a welcome back on last day? it's like bad things WILL happen any day in camp.) But i held back my emotions despite being a sentimental(i guess) person, because its my ord and i dont want to spoil the memories.

After some paperwork, at 11.30am, I have officially ORDed by getting my Pink IC back! The guy from the photo of my Pink IC looks so young so different from me. :'(

I was then presented the Certificate of Service, service transcript and testimonial by my CO. Oh, so I'm actually an OUTSTANDING soldier with OUTSTANDING conduct. Great! I should sign on! Like real..

One thing on my testimonial said, "Gibson will continue to excel in any field in the future". That's reassuring.. however I don't know which field to choose.

My buddy has ORDed the day before, so it makes the whole process a little bit more emotional i guess. :'( 

And so i left the camp with some of my friends at 12pm sharp, without looking back at all. When you look back, it's either you can't let go or you have no choice but to go. Therefore I didn't. Because I know it's only good for us to let go and move on to next phase of life for us to be happy, and thus i choose to go.

I have... ORD LOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


with mixed feelings. But i know it's a kind of happiness.


Saturday, November 08, 2008

so many things so little time

things to do before uni:
learn guitar
learn piano
learn tennis
decide what to do in life
learn economics
learn statistics
play ra3
play call of duty 5
play grand theft auto 4
play starcraft 2
play diablo 3
watch heroes
watch gossip girl
watch bleach
watch code geass
watch all movies i have
get a job
get a new camera fone
get a laptop
get a new pair of spectacles/contacts

to be continued...

Friday, October 24, 2008

they hunger

im having a macraving now. no thats not a new burger from macdonalds, but im having a craving for mac RIGHT NOW. im hungry..

that aside, im 2 working days and 1 guard duty to my ord.
mixed feelings i guess.

i can finally leave the shithole full of liars, hypocrites, ballsuckers, suckers, and f-kers, for real.
no longer trapped in the stupid system with fk'd up hierachy. It's sometimes funny that a aristocratic form of organisation (or rather, disorganisation) is in charge of defending Singapore, a republic. ok.. or rather im not an army type of person.

the sad thing about leaving is that this may be the last time i'll be seeing my friends in ns already!!

I'm also daunted by the future. Being 21 years old and, having to make life changing decisions like uni application, and the shear 8-9months of free time!

Monday, October 20, 2008

bandwidth intensive thread!

i was bored and i went download.com to shop.. 
this is my new desktop!! im using windows XP by the way. :)




at the same time trying out the screen recorder as well haha..

sorry for the poor quality, thats the best youtube can give.
im sorry for the lack of a sexy narrator voice from ehem'.. myself.. but i hope the sexy blog i posted should make up for it :))))))


these are some interesting things:

"Quinson said he doesn't miss money, nor does he pine for the adrenaline boost from the trading floor, but he does feel deprived of female companionship."

and..


Sunday, October 05, 2008

you have been ns'ed

somebody in edmw forum ask, NS in Resume
this is one of the funniest reply you can find.

ns ~ waste of time and resources 
but maybe if u are joining mediacorp, ns is important cos u learn alot on acting and wayang skills ! 

Here's something i found on youtube(i might be slow...): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__PWe4-CGTU


Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Probably after i ORD i will buy this:

Probably instead of this i will buy one super good camera, probably a Digital SLR. I want to keep things alive, especially my memories. But memories will eventually fade away. Bytes won't! At least with today's technology it won't be so fast.

Suddenly, i felt that i was henta kaki(army command - meaning march on the ground) for very long already. All this time devoted to the nation, albeit important, has saw my mind coming to a standstill. 

I figured all this while in my life I haven't had any progress in anything. Watching taiwanese variety shows presenting kids aged 3 playing drums as pro as how I cried and defecated in my diapers at that same age, made me realise that I am still doing nothing.

Born musicians are already musicians, aspiring musicians are already musicians. Same as other disciplines. But me? Probably the highest and most incredible and definitely not the proudest advancement I find myself make was my level 45 Cleric in MapleSEA. 

I wanted to be a programmer. I stopped programming.
I dreamt of being a progamer. My skills were nowhere near. 
I aspired to be a music artiste. I had better not.
I hoped to play professional tennis. I don't even know how to serve.
I have a dream. To live in a big house on top of a green hill, where at night I could stargaze with my lover and at day I could just sit on top of the hill and enjoy the breeze with the same person. My bank account has only 4 digits and I haven't had any girlfriend yet.


People have long left the crossroads, I'm still here wondering which way to go.
Probably because I have no one to go with.
Probably because I'm too afraid to find out what's at the end of the roads.
Probably because I have no interest in walking any of the roads.


I'm like a lost sheep. Like most of everyone else in this world. Human beings are a confused species. They don't know what they want. Do what they don't want, and want what they don't do. 

Perhaps a very emo post lol. Maybe if I don't tink too much I will be much happier, but knowing that I didn't tink when I do know that I can is a bigger pain. If we don't tink, will our lives be in vain?


Edit:
just to add.. some very smart guy who has indeed advanced deep deep into the killer industry said this near the start of my blog.

"aiya i oso dunno wad 2 sae la, but u onli live once, sumtimes if u misse chance le nxt time u find it harder 2 find back wad u realli wanted then u will alwayz tink abt it n regret 4 life" 

 HOW TRUE OMG. that's the 2nd time i said that lol. This guy is too wise to be a killer. Thanks f***man for your wonderful quote again haha

Sunday, September 28, 2008

paint my heart blue

taiwan is officially the 2nd longest country have i stayed in.

my experience of the people there is good. they're happy, relax people.
looking at the tensed up faces of singaporeans dampens my mood,
and at the same time, can't help but think..

are we really pushing too hard?

if working for 8-5pm(actually is 24 hours) is not,
if squeezing on a stupid mrt every morning is not,
if sending our young to tuition classes is not,
if aiming for a better house, a better car, a better discount, is not,
then what is?

xi men ting and most shops in taipei city OPENS at 10 - 11am, even on weekends.
on mid autumn festival, they gather together to barbecue meat.

sometimes i wonder, we are always busy, and yet we haven't seem to be improving our lives.
read: lives! not livelihood.

im cant be more guilty for turning this blog into a one-stop lamenting petrol kiosk, but i feel that my life is far from complete. i felt so.. conformed. conformed to peer pressure or rather.. societal pressure. this country i was born into made me into who i am today.


on a happier note..
I'm going to ord soon!! and around 2/5 of my remaining working days i will be clearning off and leave! I'm so gonna miss my friends in army.. the things we do together!
All will be remembered: the jokes we shared, the punishment we took, the rewards we fought hard together to win.
Nonetheless, I'm going to start my Civilian Induction Programme really soon!
What does it consists of?
1. Reducing my vulgarities usage to zero!
2. Not scanning anything before i eat (that's easy to maintain outside of army)
3. SAYING NO to unfair requests (aka playing of rank!) !
4. Saying 'Hi' instead of Good Morning Sir.
5. Stop eating crappy food!

Record:
meaning remembering this very exquisite phase of life, life from being a REC(recruit) to ORD(operational ready date).

Have you recorded?

Friday, August 29, 2008

off to taiwan again

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

Thursday, August 28, 2008

my loving memories.

Long Post Ahead

except it isn't so sweet.

i have been recently approached by a friend,
who offered me a business opportunity.
Didn't tell me what it was.. until when i reach the company
then i soon realise that its MLM.

i've gt to admit its my first contact with MLM,
and i had totally no clue what it was before this..
only to know that it's something bad.

actually MLM is a very effective advertising tool rather than a business tool. The fact that the information that Company So-and-So is selling this product travels faster and freely among people than when using conventional advertising methods is enough to prove that! It is, however, lacking in the aspect of promoting the product.

after being swayed here and there,
one thing i didnt like wasthe rushing of things.
if i was going to invest a few thousand(that's 50% of my current assets )': ),
then i need time to consider.
true, opportunity only come by once..
but i believe most opportunity lasts at least some time.

so in the end i rejected the offer..
mainly because i feel that MLM is actually using ur frens to earn money.

how does it work?

Person A can have some downlinks aka slaves,
for my case is 3.
every member is a distributor.
every product you help the company to sell you earn points.
your monthly pay = ~10-15% of ur own sales + ~4-8% of (sum of your total points and everyone below you)

to have the 4~8%, you can either start off by slowly selling to get that elevated status, or you can attain it by buying a complete set of products yourself, that is ~2-4k dollars. <- This adds to the total points earned by you and ur uplinks for that month. So its not hard to realise that the faster and more practical way of breaking even(assuming you paid 4k at the start) is to get ur friends to join as ur downlinks. to get back 100% of 4k, you will need - (100 - 15)/4 = ~22, -> at least 22 person under you. Of course ur frens can find other friends too, so makes it easier.
1->3->9->27.
by 3 levels down you should reach.

this makes a disturbing trend..
when u get into this hot soup, you get ur frens to join in order to break even, or even profit. yours friends are in turn made to get into the same soup and to find more friends, while u earn money from this.
it all ends when ur friends and friends' friends'+++ are already member.
when you find urself at the bottom of this tree,
you are theorically a salesman.. while millions of people above you will earn money while doing nothing.

what are the problems for this business tool?
if everyone ie. singapore, joins this company.. everyone is a distributor.. so everyone will buy for themselves.
let price of a product be Y.
for every product a person in the lowest of this tree buys, the company have to pay cuberoot (sgPopulation) x 8% x Y + 15% x Y.
take sgPopulation = 5million,
company has to pay 13.83 times of Y to the members! Charity?

bad reputation of the MLM helps!!
assume ard 30% of the population joins the company..
for every product a person in the lowest of this tree buys, the company have to pay cuberoot (0.30 x sgPopulation) x 8% x Y + 15% x Y.
company has to pay 9.30 times of Y to the members!

assume ard 10% of the population joins the company..
for every product a person in the lowest of this tree buys, the company have to pay cuberoot (0.10 x sgPopulation) x 8% x Y + 15% x Y.
company has to pay 6.50 times of Y to the members!

so for the company, how to at least earn 20% of Y? (assuming 20% is cost price)
100 - 20 = 80% <- max amt of money going back to members. 80 - 15 = 65% <- max amt of money going back to uplinks. 65/8 = ~8.1 <- max number of layers above the seller. for a 9 level mlm, 1+3+9+27+..= (1-3^9)/1-3 (GP) = 9841 people that is 0.19682% of the population!! If you are a company boss which would u choose? 9841 people max of "salesman" which you can only get back 20% of selling price, or infinite number of salesman you can hire, which you can get back 85% of selling price? In addition, what i was showing was a best case scenario where the tree is a full 1-3 tree. what if the people form an overly extended tree, i.e. to say, every people only haf one downlink (which therefore makes it a linear line..) then
the max no of salesman the company can afford (to earn back 20%) to hire is 1 + 85%/8% = 11.6 --> 11!!!


In conclusion, (of cos im not the first to find out) my humble opinion is that MLM is just mathematically impossible for the company to profit substantially and even outperform conventional methods of sales. It's a mean and cold method which requires you to make use of friends to gain profit(sounds familiar?) while at the same time forcing them to your same predicament.

please correct me if i have any calculation mistakes!
sidenote: many other aspects are not covered yet, but this is enough to say no to MLM. Like many times in real life, the danger signs are often quite hidden. (there is actually a Long Entry Ahead warning in font colour white at the start of my entry!)

Monday, August 18, 2008

"office hours" - quotes included

after watching the national day rally,
i started to consider about my future again..

maybe im more inclined to IT,
which i quite already hate.

i should really consult people on this path that i've chosen.
DO i really want a job that eats 3/4 of your day, 3/4 of your life?

that puts IT in front of my list.
where once the things are set-up, etc facebook,
you just have to count how much you're earning.

that way i can do more meaningful things in life!
like looking after my kids and etc!

at first i tot the PM was going to impose a standard benchmark of 9-4pm work hours
when he mentioned about stress and office hours being too long..
lol but guessed i was wrong.

maybe that's y singapore can remain so competitive.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

shine for singapore

have you seen a star,
one that guides you no matter where you are?

It's NATIONAL DAY!!
omg. it seems like eons ago since the last national day celebration at school..
what is ironic is that in the army, all you get is a 15 mins observance parade.
one that made us read the pledge and then go thru a BRIDGED version of national anthem which we are not suppose to sing along with.

what is best about army is the getting out of it.
3 months left baby!
actually its not the things we do inside that's crap,
its the stupid attitude of some people esp some regulars that
have a perception that NSFs are meant to be EXPLOITED.

i happen to read once in a mail that is not related to me.. quote
"currently our dept are lacking in NSFs, therefore there are many paperwork and admin cannot be processed in time"

this only make me feel more angry. i gave up 2 years of my life to help u with paperwork.


i dont know why, but maybe the years of national education has succesfully imbued a sense of loyalty in me, so much so that all along i have planned not to work out of singapore, and also study outside of singapore on a long term.

i love singapore!


have you heard a song,
one that moved you, one that made you sing along?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

hello

"The meaning of communication is the response I get, regardless
of my intention."


How true! No matter how willingly and ernestly you want to share, if it does not get through to your audience, it's still fruitless. If you said something that you meant good, and if the person received it as a negative comment - it showed your intention as negative.



Feedback is just information. It's you who judge them
negatively or positively.


Another thing i have learnt is this. We always judge things and people too quickly.



Aim to die young, as late as possible.

Have a young heart. You can be as young as what you think you are.



You have the same minutes per day as:

Einstein
Galileo
Gandhi
Mozart

------------o0o------------
The whole five weekdays this week i was fortunate enough to attend the Coaching for performance and development and Facilitation course. It is by far what i think the most rewarding course i have been since i was born. It opened my heart and at the same time imparted me with important interpersonal skills that i could use, to be a better communicator, a better coach, and a better facilitator. I would take this opportunity to thank my teacher for this week for her dedication and enthusiasm she gave us. Many many thanks!
Feeling v tired now.. sorry becos of time constraint couldn't make this post more touching haha.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

sing to the music

today just ran 15km at ecp,
and was treated with delicious sensual delights.

what i meant was the breeze was very refreshing and the weather is cool.
people were smiling and having fun.
the beach is such a relaxing place to run. lol

just realised that its being months since i bought my tennis racquet,
and i havent used it yet!
i said that i wanted to learn guitar, but i havent yet!
so if there are kind people out there who know the above mentioned,
please teach me!!!!

my time hasn't moved for awhile now..
maybe university will help me forget the sad stuff.
but then again, am i choosing the right path? the right course?

yesterday i thought of my being a tank instructor and how far have i changed ssince enlistment.
then i thought of my teacher who inspired to teach - mrs loo, my jc physics teacher.
i felt super regretted that i couldnt go visit her last teacher's day becos i was still on course,
and also happy that she asked my friend about me. she remembers me!!

maybe im remembered as the guy who doesnt do her homework. haha. even until her last tutorial.. i was caught by her.

must say that my physics s paper dist was possible only becos she's there.
she gave me the tys and the answers for past few years.. and said during the prelims:
She: I know you can do it one. Just read through the TYS.
Me: Eh.. i dont have.
She: Don't worry, see me after lesson, i'll pass it to you.

At outside the office later,
She: Don't lose it ah.. This is my only set.
Me: Okay.
Both of us: grins.


if im immortal and have all the money i need. I would pursue physics in university already.
i love physics, partly because i can score haha,
but mostly because i love to solve the mystery of this world.
physics made me realise the wonderful world.

this post is a tribute to mrs loo!
most probably she wont get to see this though..
hope to see you soon.
dont get too disappointed when i dont decide to teach nxt time ok..? =)

(PS: i dislike people who thinks i cannot teach, who judge me by appearance. why? because i try my best each time)

Monday, June 16, 2008

imperfection

In relationship, we always go hope for 总有一天.
what if what day never comes?

Why do people take things for granted,
and regret it only after they lost them?

Depressed..


---------------------------------


I think im a person who is able to detect problems,
but sadly i dont have good problem solving skills yet.

Don't know is it army or other things that make me feel so stupid now.
My mind feel so stiff now.

The only thing that is permanent is change.
Success belongs to the people who know how to change and adapt.
I know that but i dun want to.. I dont want to think so much..
I'm tired.
I want to settle down. The time to freeze. To capture a moment of peace.

I came up with one quote: You move the world by moving yourself. If you stop moving, you will move with the world. (Think newton's 3rd law of motion.)

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

the world in itself

what do you think of when you see this?
i suddenly thought of the contradictions of this society and this world on my way back home.

what can you see here?
what i see is that the long piece of concrete is being laid on top of the grass.

what's interesting?
why do they have to kill the grass, in order to let us humans walk on a clean path?
but then again, if there wasn't this path, people would have walked all over the place, and more grass would have being affected.

this brings to what im thinking: So is sacrificing some of the people in order to achieve better success/results/survival rate justifiable? An example is as some may say, "we are on the same boat". Let's say if the boat is sinking cos there are too many people. Is sacrificing people by throwing them into the sea so that the rest can survive logical? To bring a greater extent, is sacrificing "less worthy" people on the boat justifiable?

People talk about commadarie. They rave about teamwork. What is teamwork? Working together so that ALL will succeed? Or work in such a way to let the TEAM succeed while sacrificing some people? More than common, the latter will have a greater extent of success. Unfortunately, businesses want the 2nd teamwork, while in a idealistic all-for-one, one-for-all society which leaves no man behind, the 1st teamwork is valued.

So who is right? Morally? Practically? If everyone agree that what moral states is "right" then why is there a reality different from what is expected of? (Contradiction no. 1: People do wrong things even though they know its wrong)

That brings to the term selfishness. What is selfish? Is everyone working on their own presentation with extra effort so that the best can be chosen to represent the team on a presentation called selfish(The truly talented and hardworking get their deserved recognition)? Or is everyone working together to create a single presentation called selfish(Different level of contribution by each individual, and rewards are shared)

Meritocracy, is it selfishness? Or is it an evil "for a greater good"?

(Contradiction no.2: What is ideal is not ideal.)
note: can be read as what is right is not right/what is wrong is not wrong


Thus, the problem lies in the definition of ideal/non ideal, right/wrong.

My proposition: In the world there is no "Best". Because that would mean infinity. (If you get what i mean). The better you are at something, the weaker you are at another thing. So if you are super good at something, that attribute is infinity, but the opposite complement attribute is zero(or near). So actually, the best is moderation. There we have no weakness. And thats what we're tend to, in statistics sense. Think of ying and yang must balance in ur body :)


Super random but disturbing thoughts. (I didnt think this too deep, so if there is something u wan to contribute or correct, just drop a message!)

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Its poem writing time!

Hello

Dreams that we follow,
Complaints have we bellowed.

Life's full of sorrow,
You're my angel with halo.

Countless hardships I will swallow.
Just to hear your "hello".

----------------------------------------

I am your crime

You are a murderer.
You killed my only friend, loneliness.
You are an arsonist.
You set me on fire.
You are a rapist.
You had me let you in.
You are a thief.
You stole my heart without me knowing.
You are a scammer.
I believe in you.
You are a kidnapper,
and I'm yours forever.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Many loved others.

I don't know what is your view, but to me, this life(my current conciousness and memories) only lasts till I die.

We could say that if we die, we won't remember what has happened before, which is why many chose suicide as a solution to their problems.

To me, people are like a tree. We all start from the same place - the ground. As we grow up, we have some decisions to make which will change our lives forever. From then on, we will branch out into different directions. There are sayings that life consists of many crossroads. I agree. I feel that life is a path where there are many junctions, and each junction you have to make a decisions. Because it's so confusing, you can never get back to where you regretted doing something wrong, and try to start things all over again. Many chose suicide, to fall off from the tree - a shortcut - to start right back from the ground again.

I, have made a mistake. If others are seeing this, I'm really really sorry. I don't know how much apology and what I can do can undo everything.

As times go by, when the your branch gets old, it withers, and one day, it will fall back to the ground again. You will become nutrients for the young growing ones. At least your lessons taught to the young will be remembered even when you're gone.

Two persons once seperated, because of a foolish decision, can never get back together again. Many just hope they can fall on the same place on the ground, where they will finally meet again.

Without others, many would die.


If I'm dead, change all "many" to "I" and "others" to "you" and "they" to "we"

Saturday, April 26, 2008

i found myself a home, a home, a home sweet home.

Its around 6 more months to ORDinary life and soon, I will have my pink IC back, and some time from then on, I will be an adult. (It's funny when you are 20years 11months 31days 23hours 59mins 59secs 99 hundreth of a second old you are a matured(18) and after one breath you are an adult!).

I will leave my summing up of my NS experience after I ORD, but now I shall share ways I observed that help you have a more "toned-down" NS -- if that is the word. Note: Some are through experiences, some are already too late for me to adopt, or not according to my principles. In other words, these are for you people.

Act Blur Lives the Longest: Firstly, if you are f**ked up, all you get is all easy work. Tedious they may seem, but its better than being arrowed to do some dua zhong stuff. Regulars only make use of you and your talent that they do not have.

Talk Less and be Alert: Don't talk too much and dont complain for stupid stuff, lest you LPPL. Be alert and observe, if someone is not looking too happy, go to toilet.

Dont take the initiative: More often than not, you will be the one being tasked to do the job and make your own wonderful idea work. You are just a NSF, it's not like your work will be implemented anyway, unless it helps SAF save alot of money, but then again, all recognition you get is some respect until your next mistake.

Subscribe a Hi!Card or something: Dont use your personal number for army. This way you can filter the calls you dont like and wont have to let the fone vibrate in your pocket when you are watching movie with the 2nd cutest girl in the world. (The cutest is with me hahahaha kidding).

Analyse the situation: If there is an impending reward aka nights out or free lunch etc, first think whether the job is possible. If it's impossible, there's no need to rush.

Live a day by a day: Do not volunteer for last minute guard duty(even if you dont have any for the month) on the notion that "then next month you wont have". Try to evade as much as possible. Trust me on this one, this way you will get the least duty in your NS life.

Make friends: Friends are probably the only reason besides defending your country that you dont kill yourself with your bayonet.

Be prepared: Before you enter NS, make sure you are very fit. 60 pushups a day(in sets of 20) and less than 11 mins for 2.4km is the minimum requirement.

Pride is worth your life: It takes it away from you.

With power comes responsibility: Almost all sorts of responsibilities you can have if you become a commander. Basically, you are the scrapegoat for anything that happens to anyone below and above you. But, the money is good. Being a man almost shirks you of all responsibility and punishment, and your pay too.


I'm very tired now le. Can't think of more at the moment. I have some secret ways to break the system but I wont reveal here.. or else I will be sabotaging alot of people. haha

Again, I must emphasize, this is rather a complaint by me (or maybe a lesson learnt? i really dont know) than a slack NS for dummies. I wonder sometimes is it fair and does it pay to be positive, hardworking and kind. I can only say my NS life so far has been fruitful, as I think I learnt more things by doing more and felt less angry by complaining less(wait a minute, i think i was complaining..).

Also something important, I feel that social responsibility is lacking among young people.

Glossary:
dua zhong: enormous and important(describing a task or some tasks)
LPPL: backfire.

edit: obscenity removed.. even i couldn't stand it.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

past tense

Does it happen to you?
Everytime when you see your old friends, be it on friendster, or facebook, or msn,
someone you knew(past tense) during primary school, secondary school or JC,
or when you hear them saying something you dont know of,
do you feel that you have distanced from them?

It's like you know them for quite a well already, and once you part with them, because of graduation and going different schools, doing different work, going to army, or simply, taking different paths in life, you feel like you never knew them at all?

It's true that its hard to keep a friendship alive, and actually its harder as the duration gets longer, but issit everytime you change an environment, you must change your friends too?

I'm particularly worried for some, and for me, that when we get old, who do we make friends with?

Those people we study with?
Those people we work with?
Those people we share the same hobby?
Those people who go out with us every day to shop, eat and play?

Those people who are not attached, have no grandchildren, fancy a game of chess with you and loves talking about the past -- what we could have done when we were young and what we should have not, what we could still do at that moment and what we no longer could.

Maybe I was just too quiet... thats why I didnt make many good friends.

Sometimes it's just very scary, to see how much people can actually move on.
Maybe I'm just too sentimental.
I had always been unable to part with the things I have used before. Toys, pillow, bolster, computer, wallets, stationary, handphones, clothes, software(yes.. I would have stayed at windows ME if i could, and IE 6.0 if it wasn't so laggy and virusly and buggy to the point I give up, but i still use IE most of the time now), house, bus I took, the path I took to school, and many more.

I'm a conservative person, change is like eating rice. I know its inevitable, and I have to live with it to survive, and its a everyday thing, but I just dont really like it. Unless, you could convince me, like how my mother convinced me probably during my childhood. (Im just using it as a example, i dont have anything against rice lol)

They say to see a character of a person, see the group that he/she is with, and to have a blissful marriage, find someone who thinks alike, understand each other, and have a common goal in life.
I think I have to start looking for people who have no friends. Just kidding. lol.

I think im just different, and most people, indifferent.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

change

if you are presented with two pills,
one that allows you to change one thing in the past,
other one that allows you to alter one thing in the future,

which would you choose?


sometimes you will be surprised by how much you have grown over a short time.
it's by what you experienced over that time.
sometimes you look at someone you know, and you wonder, have they grown too?
sometimes when you have been the same for quite some time,
and when you friend suddenly do something that amazes you,
you wonder how much have they changed.. have you been left behind?

if you get what i mean.

we are like a handful of marbles in one hand.
when dropped and they hit the floor, we all move in different directions.
some quickly, some slowly.
how do we know whether we are moving at the right direction?
and will we ever meet again?

if we are wrong, will someone pick us up, and put us where we should belong?


if we did wrong in the past, will we be forgiven?
will your friend forgive you,
if you realise you were wrong?

or is it just impossible?
will forget replace forgive and the only way to forgive is to forget -- not the incident, but.. you?

Sunday, March 09, 2008

some things you cant change.

i want a better car!
i want a better house!
i want a better job!
a better oven!
a better skin!

there are some things that you can get another better one,
but there are things that you cannot and some you shouldnt.

you cannot have a better parent.

you cannot have a better child.

you cannot have a better life,
because you can only have one.

you cannot have a better lover,
because in life you can only love once,
and the rest are merely substitutes.







they say the only thing that is permanent is change.
however, there are some things that cannot be changed.

i wont change you

Sunday, March 02, 2008

some days arent the same

this is what i've gotten from one of the applications in facebook..


January 23, 1988

Lucky Color: Aubergine
Personality Strengths: Creativity, Charm
Personality Weakness(es): Impulsiveness
Successful Career Path: Computer Science
Sense of Humor Style: Slapstick
Adjectives to Describe You: powerful, courageous
Also born on January 23: Coming soon
Description:
Bright and cheerful - you are always smiling and add a smile to the face of all those that know you. Chirpy and talkative for the most part, you are outgoing, social and extroverted. A largely happy person on both the outside and the inside - may you always remain the same!

when i saw Computer Science i was like omg.. lol

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Sorry, can i check your boot please?

To save memory space of blogger, just imagined i have just typed "Sorry, can i check your boot please?" x500 times.

this was about the number of times that i said that yesterday. all thanks to the happy guy from mars. as a result, my guard duty yesterday was v xiong and the thought "can i please ORD soon" was in my mind for a second.

its hard to find someone in this world who shares the same sentiments as you. someone who understands you. if you found one, he could v easily be your good friend/partner. but that doesnt mean you cant friend with a person who thinks differently. the key is respect.

many often people treat you as a colleague first before treating you as a friend. make a point to break the ice, and build a good relationship. i think your work experience will be alot better. even the slackest person may do some work, just because of you.

love can be interpreted in many ways. two person who interprets it the same way most likely are able to share and get the love they hoped for. my interpretion of love is destined eternal affection of each other. looks like i will become a monk.

this is just one big random post.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day

My insides all turned to ash, so slow
And blew away as I collapsed, so cold
A black wind took them away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night

And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
I used to be my own protection, but not now
Cause my path had lost direction, somehow
A black wind took you away, from sight
And held the darkness over day, that night

And the clouds above move closer
Looking so dissatisfied
And the ground below grew colder
As they put you down inside
But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing

So now you're gone, and I was wrong
I never knew what it was like, to be alone

On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
(I used to be my own protection, but not now)
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
(Cause my mind has lost direction, somehow)
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
(I used to be my own protection, but not now)
On a Valentine's Day, on a Valentine's Day
(Cause my mind has lost direction, somehow)

Sunday, February 03, 2008

fallen for you

while my hair's still wet as i just returned from a movie titled "Gone Baby Gone" at plaza singapura, i finally took the effort to produce this post.

no idea from what reason, i suddenly have a list of things i wish to have. yes. a wishlist i thought i will never have. seeing other people always have their wishlist, i didnt thought i would have one too. but well, there it goes..

wishlist:
- Avril Lavigne's The Best Damned Thing
- The Wedding Album (as advertised on TV)
- A really sweet pair of shoes, probably snickers or street soccer 'boots'.
- Tennis Racquet (Head or Prince is nice.. however looking at the price tags.. i think a cheap wilson will do..)


Even though my birthday is over, doesnt mean you all cannot give me these as presents! just kidding haha.


in this week's american's idol's auditions there was a 18-year-old girl who participated in American Junior(apparently is a singing contest for juniors) 4 years ago, that is in 2003. i remember in 2003, American Idol was the talk of the town during its telecast. The show then played past videos of her in the Junior competition, and in that video was a very young growing girl, singing and smiling, as if she had no worries in the back of her mind, like a child.

Then it striked me. Looking at the distinct change in the girl's physique and attitude(she was very arrogant and as quoted "slutty", wore a short skirt and typical teen spaghetti if im not wrong), i realised the fact that we change the most from 12 - 16 years old.

in these four years of mine,
- i had 2 major exams (the streaming exam and the O's)
- i played basketball, then switched to soccer, then to computer games.
- i made my first calculator using e pascal language
- stopped taking bio and e lit. then later all the humans subject altogether
- failed my english for the first time
- built and paid for my own comp
- fell in love for the first time

so many milestones, so many things that changed my life.
so many that sometimes i think that it cannot be controlled. that this path i have to take is fixed.
there were many opportunies, many more wasted.
there were important decisions to make. Even the CCA you chose have most probably changed your life. what to study. who to make friends with. going home to do homework, or to stay at friend's house till night. study for the test, or not. whether i should eat more than i can afford.

didn't have much money then. often have to take out my almost non-existent savings (from ang pao's or birthday ang pao's) if i want to do something extra. however, i was contented with what i have.

now i have income, look at me, have a wishlist liao. lol. actually no la.. just felt that im not young anymore, have to try new things. avril album if it was last time, i would have bought it too. and my old shoes are worn out already.

there are so many more things to talk about in these 4 years, which i think is the best 4 years of my life. (secondary sch life), so many wonderful things that happened. oh.. and q***w** just poped up from the msn alert window.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

2008

This post is technically on 5/1/2008. but since it is suppose to be a new year post, and i was in camp for the whole 24 hours of new year day, here i am. Edited the date of this post to 1/1/08.

First let me dig out my last year's resolution!

1. get out of army alive. (hey i will at least have this fulfilled if i manage to see my blog next year!)
2. completely get rid of my acne.
3. good a lvl results
4. be happy.
5. World a better place.

Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled

1. ok i still can type, and never suffered any major injuries last year. so i guess its green.
2. hmm, it has toned down quite a bit. and im happy with the condition now, though its not completely gone.
3. well its good enough that i dont have to worry about not getting to uni.
4. at least last year was better than 2 years ago.
5. although there are still bombings ard and natural disaster, there havent been any major war, and there was the green summit yeah so i think its for the better.

so can see that last year's pretty good. that is also because i have become slightly more optimistic. but hey this year is the year of ORD. so i guess it will be better!

2008's wishlist:
1. get out of army alive.
2. make more friends.
3. completely get rid of my acne.
4. stay happy and healthy.
5. everyone's wishes comes true.
6.
7. world a better place.

haha im slightly greedy this time. hope no 1 minds

Sunday, December 23, 2007

dream

i dreamt of you last night.

now i feel that all the pain i have been enduring is worth it.
to see your face again, even it is formed by my own fading memory,
its enough to negate all my sufferings.

sometimes i wonder why too.
why do you have such a power over me.
why did i have to screw things up.

and now you are ignoring me.
you dont know but its killing me inside.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

you are the butterfly in my stomach

11 months to ord.
sometimes when i think of it,
when you have nothing to do and have no one to talk to u
the feeling is very terrible.
that kind of solitude, it swallows your heart.
it makes you hard to breathe.
its so unbearable.

sometimes i feel that im happier in camp than at home.
because in camp there are your colleagues,
working beside you. they talk cock to you,
they tease you, they play with you.
its fun to be with some company.

whats more camp is such a good place.
where else in this world u can find a job that pays you ard 700-1000+k (if u are a commander)
a month with food and lodging provided when you are not even holding a degree and dont need you to have expertise in any kind of area.
you wake up to your working place every morning.
you can buy food at less than 100m away.
you have people greet you every morning.
you can ask someone whom you dont even know his name to get you a file from your office, or ask him to clean up the toilet.
you have free credits to purchase ur working attire.
you have not much work to do(for some).

you can only find this in the army.
what's more the higher rank you are, the least things you have to do.

but to be able to enjoy such previledges, you have to suffer first.

however, i notice nowadays army has became so slack(especially for some places).
half way through the first 7-day army fieldcamp you can order KFC? this is utter nonsense.
people are now having the wrong impression of army.
"army is slack 1 la."
sentences like "just serve your 2 years and fuck off" are easily passed.
army is no longer place where you grow up, for some.
people who have alot of frustrations in army are on the way to a meaningful NS experience.
army is the place where "Boys become Men"
and not "Pamper the pampered boys"

but whatever the case, i myself have learnt quite alot in army.
and that there are good and very bad regulars in the army.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

innocence

all was manageable until yesterday night,
when i found out that avril (that is, avril lavigne the singer) married in 2006!

out of sudden, i felt incredibly sad? or was it some other feeling.
i know that she's canadian, and she is 4 years older than me
she is dam pretty, and she's got the attitude
she's cute and bratty, basically the best damned thing
and THERES NO WAY she will know me and anything will happen between us,
BUT im feeling kinda upset after hearing she's married.
WHY?

issit because its the same feeling as hearing that the girl you like so much got married to someone else but you?
i dont know.

her voice makes my heart tremble,
and my legs weak.
my tears escaped my eyes involuntarily
as i held my mp3 in my hand.

all because of her


------------------------------------


sometimes i wonder why am i so emotional
it wasn't like this before
until i met her.
soemtimes i dont know whether im doing the correct things
to savage a situation
to take away the pain
to undo my mistakes
to repay for my misdoings

so much so that im so afraid.
i live in pain every moment.
wondering whether have i made a mistake somewhere
or have i forgotten to do anything.

sometimes i so hate myself.

Monday, December 03, 2007

learning.

we all know that learning sometimes get abit hard.

I dont know how to solve this. How? WA LAO...

It sometimes makes you frustrated.

Have you ever wondered what happens when humans keep making more and more discoveries to the point where by his successor would need an entire lifetime to understand his mentor's theories in order to understand that new discovery made by his mentor? I'm talking about when the amount of knowledge far exceeds the capability(speed and space) of the human brain to handle. What do we do when that happens? We split the knowledge up into relevant parts. For example, in Physics we have scientists specialising in different aspect of physics, like quantum physics, astro physics, thermodynamics and so much more.

Well, i dont see it poses any problems? Does it?

What happens if the knowledge itself is split into parts too small to be able to have any apparent use, and yet it requires a tremendous amount of time to research about it? Take a gun for example. Tom has invented a part that is able release a catch by pulling a trigger. But before that, how is he able to convince commercial companies to invest in his research? And how did the university know that this aspect of science/engineering would be useful and hence start a course on how to make a part that releases a catch by pulling a trigger(lets call it triggernometry lol) in the first place? The answer most likely is, they dont.

What im saying is, as knowledge is split to be learnt by different people, the small parts of knowledge loses its cohesiveness. No one is able to get the "general idea" of things before they die of age, or before their brains reach their limit.

So im saying that is there a limit to technological advancement? Where the limiting agent is the human brain itself. The brain is definitely not limitless as the neurons and all the brain cells are limited, unless our brains get larger through evolution OR we manage to increase our capacity and speed of our brains by connecting them with computers(which is quite plausible in the future).

Just something that i thought of last time..

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Sunday, November 11, 2007

treasure.

世界三样最珍贵的东西是

老师的泪
父母对彼此的微笑
还有 爱人的心

Friday, November 02, 2007

bleach

I try to escape before my shadow is fully cast
flying away, not bothering to notice my wings have fallen off.
A sweet scent from far, far away drifts across the street corner
and I hear a familiar voice crying out.
How much further can we make it,
with only the night wind's fleeting hopes to carry us?
The world trembles like it wants to stop us,
taking everything away.
I'm not dreaming anymore,
and we haven't done anything yet, but we'll keep going.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

a little of me.

people say "i have a dream".
which means he/she has something in mind that he/she hope can materialise.

if that's the case. i dream to dream.

they say anything can happen in your dreams. sometimes they are what you are thinking the whole day. be it something you fear or something you always wanted. men maketh the dreams and for me, dreams maketh the man. why? in dreams i saw what is seemingly the impossible. what i long for. yes. i saw my dream.

been so busy lately. and feeling quite stressed at my workplace. i thought i had many to say in this blog entry when i was in camp. but it turns out again that whenever this screen is on i cant think anymore.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

mixed feelings

im back from taiwan!

experienced hardships and fun. however, i think 5 weeks is abit too long.
pop loh!
but after i received my initial posting, 41s@r which stands for spore arm0ured regim3nt, i was initially sad because its the xiongest posting and they are heading to aus on the 22nd!!!! its like omg overseas again. not to mention nxt year we are going there to fite at3c again..
but i later realised that unit life is actually quite fun. with men and all those things. i found out that i like to have people ard me. at least i wont feel lonely. at least i feel my own presence.
and wads more, ill be in e same camp and unit as sqw.

but after the pop, suddenly my frens and a sgt told me my posting has been changed to @gts which stands for arm0ur gunn3ry t@ctical simul@t0r. 8-5 aircon. rarely outfield. i was stunned. and at the same time feel nothing and a little of mixed feelings. feel nth becos the posting has changed twice and the people going to @gts keep changing. so this thing cannot be cfmed until mon. a little of mixed feelings because i had already accepted the fact im going 41 and i am mmentally prepared for it. and after all im a trained commander. i wan to put my leadership skills to a test. i wan to lead people. motivate them. change lives. i want to build frenships that cant be broken in e lifetime. i wan to feel loved. i wan to feel my presence. i wan not to be a zombie. i want to live a life. i want to have someone i love. i want to find the right girl. the girl that loves me as much as i love her. i wan to have kids, preferably daughters as they are more obedient and nice. have a good job. i want a life.

a normal person's life.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Five times.

"I wish I could have five lives.
Then I could have been born in five different towns
and eaten five lifetime's worth of food,
and had five differemt careers,
and..

fallen in love with the same person, five times."


Im back!
i wanted to blog but i have to book in soon. :(

Saturday, August 25, 2007

That feel.

I used to feel that way too.
That feeling becoming so unfamiliar.

I want to feel that way again.
That way only you can make me feel.

I want to feel you again.
Your presence itself is more than enough.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

To all sad people ard the world..

here's something to cheer u up..


A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor. '


Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy ' s lap.


Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, ' What other problem can there be greater than this one?'


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.


and my favourite:
Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'

Thursday, August 09, 2007

The Chandelier

She lights up the hearts of many
of innocent and gloomy.
The rich's property,
never will be happy.
Whenever it's rainy
her best friend's lonely.
Love from the crazy
true what may be.


It's been a long time since i've last blogged, so i spent 10 mins coming up with that.
Still, many things continue to trouble my mind. I will come out with a blog soon specially for my 'theories'.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

immaterial

what is this thing im feeling?

why are the feelings coming back?

why do i feel so lonely again..?

why am i losing my fighting spirit again..?

is it because of you?

Saturday, March 31, 2007

when i went into the wrong page

i dont know why but maybe fate brought me to blogger.
i dont have much to share.
muchly because i dont feel like doing so.

but since im here im gonna say something about ar|\/|y then.
first of all.. i feel that it has made me realise how fortunate we are now..
can slack at home do nth.. play comp until the point that u get sian of it..

now i have to rush at everything.
be it rush to wait, or wait to rush.
getting tekan for god knows what reason.
but motive is to make us stronger, physically and mentally.
but seriously, if they make it self motivated training..
i think i would have been more willing and there would be
better results and i would have a kinder perspective about "training" in armie.

actually i knew i had something to blog. but blogger seems to have a negative induction force that blocks out all thoughts except the useless ones.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

take out the blade through my heart

the problem is, i myself dont believe in what i came in theory about life. theory which makes human lives, and other lives seem so worthless. making the word "worth" worthless. all worth in the world is of perspective. if one falls, other will too.

if u think u really understand, find me at msn. let's have a hearty talk.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

stars

everyday after a series of tiring training, i will always look up to the sky.
the stars here in tekong are so big and bright.
and every night, i thought, wouldnt it be nice if you were beside me watching them too.

if the number of stars in the sky represents how many days till i see you,
i'll always tell myself that i wont be sad.
i'll always tell myself that at least i'll get to see you again.

its funny but if so, then the day i see you will have no stars.
but then i wont mind, because u are my brightest star.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Yesterday

Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe
In yesterday

Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday
Came suddenly

Why she
Had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said
Something wrong now I long
For yesterday

Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe
In yesterday

Why she
Had to go I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said
Something wrong now I long
For yesterday

Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe
In yesterday

Thursday, January 04, 2007

a new year

These are my last year's hopes....
Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled

Hopes:
1. Get a girlfriend. (haix.. who can i blame.. im ugly and not clever and not funny and so quiet.. can someone help me out? haha..)
2. 4As 2 Distinctions.. <---- i forgot i was refering to prelims or A's.. if is prelims obviously i failed. if A's.. i dont think is v possible also
3. Happy.
4. World a better place!

lol.. looks like last year isnt a very good year for me..
nvm.. i dont expect this year to be good also.

this year's resolution:
1. get out of army alive. (hey i will at least have this fulfilled if i manage to see my blog next year!)
2. completely get rid of my acne.
3. good a lvl results
4. be happy.
5. World a better place.

i dont wish for much... less expectations.. less disappointment.
haha.

Friday, December 08, 2006

a box of 'y's

i wonder why,
everytime when i feel sad
and i want to blog about it
i just couldnt.

is it that my mind and my heart do not connect well
or is it that my command of language is insufficiently capable to convert heart code into a language of words.
i dont even dare to blog where u can see.
because im afraid i might say the wrong things.
im afraid that i say too much that all seem mundane.
basically, im scared of losing you - which i am.

there i go.. saying the wrong things again.
you was never mine?
how could i say that im losing you when i dont have you in the first place.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

a dull speck of starcrumbs

i have been living a no-life's life the past few days.
Waking up everyday and before you know it,
im on the battle screen of some rpg, rts or spraying off enemies in a fps game.

i have to admit. this kind of life was heaven to me.
but maybe i have grown old.. too old to be excited by such
trivial fun. then i thought, everyone wants to have fun.
maybe this is wad causing young people to break up these days.

i dont want to have fun.
i just want to be happy.
and to be happy i guess i have to live a life with meaning.
but life is meaningless to me now.

i do not have big dreams nor ambitions.
i dont need to have the latest accessories or clothing.
i dont need 24 hours of pure computer gaming everyday.
i dont need a big big house or some sports wagon.

i want nothing out of life.

maybe deep down i hope to have a person whom i can spend my life with forever.
maybe what i want is LOVE.
but do love exist anyway?
do anyone value love?
do anyone really know how to love? who to love?

love obviously cannot be obtained just overnight.
i have to wait for the right one to arrive.
maybe she already have.
maybe she will never come.
but right now in my life,
i can only wait for her to come.

.. and before that, life is meaningless.
because she is my meaning in life.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

happy birthdae

So finally it ended - the dreaded 'A' Levels has passed.
I guess I have to do some sort of conclusion;
Conclusion on my 14 years of study life.
Conclusion on my teenage life.

I say that the lvls exams i have been thru are quite okay,
except for some disappointments that everyone may have.
Generally i think that general paper sucks(esp for paper 2)
Maths was challenging (to me) and i really hope i can get an A.
Chem was quite a disaster for me.. becos my paper 3 is not v good i guess.
considering also my pathetic spa results which i think i have gotten,
i really really hope its an A too..
Physics was quite alright. But paper 3 was too qualitative to my liking.
Computing was very okay. since most of the questions came from past year.
Wish nth bad happens!
Maths s paper was hmm.. i guess okay. Since i have mixed feelings for it.
On one hand i definitely did way better than prelims (i got 27/100!!!),
on the other hand.. i think i will have a medicore, if not, unimpressive result. Really hope to get merit!
Physics was quite easy.. except for the stupid electricity qns i knew i shldnt have attempted. Hoping for a dist!

Well i guess after we took the paper we can more or less know the results. And we have no need to hide them or run away from them. well.. the actual results come 4 months later. I really hope i will get better than wad i expect!

and.. its 5 mins early.. but..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

My blog is 2 years old!

why do i sound happy when im not? and it often leads to misunderstandings

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

天灰

如果你不再出现
我的世界还有什么可贵
可惜不够时间
让我们试验什么叫永远
想念变成怀念
心动变成心碎
偏偏还会关切
你最后属于谁
我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经全都熄灭
如果你从没出现
我会不会觉得快乐一些
可惜残忍时间
总要把诺言一点点摧毁

Saturday, October 28, 2006

an imminent bye, a permanent sigh..

A lvls is just days away..
Although i think that A lvls are not that important to me (becos i dont intend to take on intensive courses in uni), im feeling abit worried.. who noes why..

but what worries me more is what's after it. NS... i wonder if after the two years i will be the same? i wonder if you will still remember that there is someone like me who long to be by your side.

as exams comes.. i start to play more.. maybe my concentration span is up.. no no no.. i cannot be giving myself excuses! i must continue to study!

(out of sudden, i forgot what i wanted to blog before i wrote these, maybe my mind knows that now is not the time to think about those stuff)

Friday, October 20, 2006

In these cold nights

haix... the thought of army saddens me.
i need to do alot alot things after A's..
but i have only 1 month now le..
j4n thirteenth.. i received my deathnote on the eve of deathnote's release..

anyway.. past 2 hours have been freecell.. i was stuck on this game #17803 yesterday
i woke up today dreaming of it.. and finally!
I knew i won when i saw this!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Keane - Hamburg Song

I don't want to be adored
Don't want to be first in line
Or make myself heard
I'd like to bring a little light
To shine a light on your life
To make you feel loved

No, don't want to be the only one you know
I want to be the place you call home

I lay myself down to make it so
But you don't want to know
I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end?
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend?
Just shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
And warm me up again

Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple

I lay myself down to make it so
But you don't want to know
You take much more than I'd ever ask for

Say a word or two to brighten my day
Do you think that you could see your way

To lay yourself down and make it so?
But you don't want to know
You take much more than I'd ever ask for

Saturday, October 07, 2006

The Way You Look at Me

prelims are long gone.
we have slightly less than 4 weeks left.
But im still stucked.
I have no mood for anything, for games and for study.
My results is half-satisfying with AACD and C6..
guess the gp and maths are slightly if not very disappointing for me.
How can i get a D for maths when im actually maths s paper..
but i can solve harder questions if given the time..
guess i lack exposure and the practice.
a result of not doing tutorials

maybe there will be a change of blog skin..

Thursday, October 05, 2006

neither here nor there

Maybe life is described by this principle?

Completely ridiculous anthropic principle (CRAP): "At the instant the Omega Point is reached, life will have gained control of all matter and forces not only in a single universe, but in all universes whose existence is logically possible; life will have spread into all spatial regions in all universes which could logically exist, and will have stored an infinite amount of information, including all bits of knowledge which it is logically possible to know. And this is the end."

Sunday, October 01, 2006

stuck on you

Have you ever felt that you wanted someone to talk to,
but yet knowing that there will not be anyone who truly listens?

Have you ever felt that all of the sudden,
after so much time of fun and laughter,
the place quietens down, almost in a way hopelessly?

Have you felt that all of the sudden everything closes onto you,
when u realise the fact that no one really cares about you except your own self?
Even if there is a person who cares, it must be very fortunate to have,
and very difficult to find?

Have you felt that life is just a journey where you have to walk alone,
that no one really cares where did you go after it ends?

Have you been in a broken family?

Have you been jealous?

Have you been jealous and then given up on the differences,
planning not to do anything about it as it is all fate?

Has fate played you?

Have you asked so many questions knowing that no one can better answer in a way you like it except yourself?

Have you been in love?

Have you thought that the person loved you, only to find out later that it has been all but an unfortunate misunderstanding which only a foolish mind like yours will plunge deep into?

Have you been thinking like me?

Have you been thinking of me..?

Friday, September 29, 2006

chasing cars

I'm afraid that my curiousity would cause me to take on a course of Physics in the new future. A course surely of busyness and loniliness (if i will realise it). But what is loniless but just a series chemical reaction in my body telling me i need (do i?) a company. But of couse the world of future is too uncertain, let alone exploring the future.. that sometimes, regretably due to the chemical reaction's cousins, i find it too much of a bother.

Therefore, I guess i would most likely continue to "live a normal life".
this is taken from Stephen Hawking's web, do read the public lectures if anyone is free! its an incredibly good read!

Since events before the Big Bang have no observational consequences, one may as well cut them out of the theory, and say that time began at the Big Bang. Events before the Big Bang, are simply not defined, because there's no way one could measure what happened at them. This kind of beginning to the universe, and of time itself, is very different to the beginnings that had been considered earlier. These had to be imposed on the universe by some external agency. There is no dynamical reason why the motion of bodies in the solar system can not be extrapolated back in time, far beyond four thousand and four BC, the date for the creation of the universe, according to the book of Genesis. Thus it would require the direct intervention of God, if the universe began at that date. By contrast, the Big Bang is a beginning that is required by the dynamical laws that govern the universe. It is therefore intrinsic to the universe, and is not imposed on it from outside.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

my love.

I know love is with the heart
and shown with action.
I know love is not merely words like
the following:

i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you

anyway, just to let you know
i really love you.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

and i do question life.

humans are interesting. let alone life.

just only a few decades ago, people do not even have proper clothing or food,
and they worry not about starving or being less nicely attired.
They worry about how are they going to support their family.

Maybe we are too spoilt? We worry about what to eat, even though we already have food. We worry about love, when we cant even afford the Marriage Preparory Programme (it costs money i think?). We worry about what to do in our spare time, how we look in front of the mirror, the clothes we wear, the shampoo we use, the bag we sling, the perfume we carry (perfume!!?!?!?), the movies we watch, the results we get, the course we going to take, the job we pursue, the time we wait.

I guess we worry about the wrong things? What's worrying is why people are worrying.
If life brings you where you go, as if anything is going to change if u worked abit harder, stayed abit longer, write abit faster, walked abit slower, think abit further, born abit earlier, born abit prettier, be abit richer.

Instead, it is all in the mind. You are who you think you are. If you think you are a failure, you are already am. If you think you are a winner, you are. If you can feel happy living with 5 dollars a day, you are. If you think that the results u get is superly fantastic, you will feel happy. Life is much more happier when you think about it happier.

Ask yourself, if you have all that you want to have now, wouldn't you start wanting to have more? Perhaps.. the meaning of life?

Monday, September 18, 2006

缓缓掉落的枫叶像思念

在没有温度的冬夜里,
没想到竟然会梦见你...

Sunday, September 17, 2006

why do movies make me cry

do you understand how it is like to wake up every morning not knowing what you are living for? Is it to earn money? Is it to achieve your dream of becoming an pop star, or maybe, a scientist, or maybe, the richest guy in the world?

I know what i want. I want a house where i will spend the rest of my life with the woman i love. I want to have kids. To have daughters who look like their mother. To have sons who look like me. I want a nice backyard, where my children can chase after me; and me after our dog. I want to kiss my wife goodnight, every night.

I want a simple, happy and fulfilling life.

And on this lonely night, i wish you goodnight.

Friday, September 08, 2006

爱上了你的声音,
爱上了你的面孔。

爱上了你的一切,
使我难以放手。

Sunday, September 03, 2006

谁在用琵琶弹奏一曲东风破

一盏离愁孤单伫立在窗口
我在门後假装你人还没走
旧地如重游月圆更寂寞
夜半清醒的烛火不忍苛责我

一壶漂泊浪迹天涯难入喉
你走之後酒暖回忆思念瘦
水向东流时间怎黱偷
花开就一次成熟我却错过

谁在用琵琶弹奏一曲东风破
岁月在墙上剥落看见小时候
犹记得那年我们都还很年幼
而如今琴声幽幽我的等候你没听过

谁再用琵琶弹奏一曲东风破
枫叶将故事染色结局我看透
篱笆外的古道我牵著你走过
荒烟漫草的年头就连分手都很沉默

Thursday, August 31, 2006

finally

finally the dreaded -pc compeition is over!
can finally concentrate on my studies!

what's good is that got win some prizes which look cheap at start

imation swivel pro 2 flash drive 2gb - $95 according to sg.hardwarezone.com
s3nnh3is3r mx 9o vc - ??

haix.. i wish they gave me a ip0d nano instead.. or at least an ip0d shuffle..

as u can see i encrpyt alot words.. i scared they track me!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

李圣杰 - 痴心绝对

想用一杯latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会
看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

看见你和他在我面前
证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
曾经我以为我自己会后悔
不想爱得太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪
为你作任何改变
也唤不回你对我的坚决
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防备
静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
直到那一天你会发现
真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

Thursday, August 10, 2006

this is

This is what i posted on last year july, but its so good im gonna post it again..

The Colour of Hazel

The things he did and the words he said.
Its all over because of something he read.

Now forever I lost him because I lied.
I wanted to tell the truth and I tried.

I was afraid that I was just a fling.
Now I realize I could have been something.

Maybe we weren't for each other from the start.
All I'm really good for is a broken heart.

He ended it all with barely a goodbye.
We didn't last long, but still I cry.

The only thing left of him is a sad memory.
Those deep caring eyes, I will never again see.

Maybe someday we will again be together.
I hope that then it will last forever...

by Alana Demers

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Love not with

Love not with our tongues but our hearts.
Wait not for love to come today but everyday.
Prove forever not with time but enthusiasm.
Miss you not with months but seconds.

Monday, August 07, 2006

breaking logic 1.

this is start of a very long (i hope) logic decoding/breaking/analysis posts.

first up:

Do we live for someone who died for us, when we should've died in the first place?

Notice we should've died suggests that we have to die, but yet someone sabotaged our duty to do so. So is someone here doing justice? And why do we have to live for someone who messed up our fate and all the great plans, supposing toward the better (if not the best)?

While this sentences itself disguises itself as a rhetorical question, it actually contains some backstabbing (pessimistic view) / intrigueing (optimistic view) ideas.

This has nothing to do with the saviour thing.

Note: There is no error with the distinct word. (grins.. if you can read my mind)

Be prepared for the next series! Such posts are good for mind exercising and it keep brains working fine!

Friday, August 04, 2006

napfa

Sit-ups: 43 A
Standing-broad jump: 248 B
Sit and reach: 45 B
Chin-ups: 9 B
Shuttle run (4x10m): 9.0s A
2.4 km run: 10:41 B

Score = 26/30

Except for chin-ups which my top was 10 and shuttle run which i didnt break 9, the overall is satisfactory, and in fact the best result since sec 3. haha
finally overcome the pull-up nightmare.

after that was some cg basketball.
it shocks people how time files.
i cant believe i waited for you for 2 years already.


Thursday, August 03, 2006

WHY?

why did i fall in love with her in the first place?
why do i have to suffer like this?
after 2 years of wait.
after so many endless nights.

i have finally found out
she doesn't remember me.

so in love there will always have a fool,
clinging on to what is called the impossible.

i have imagined too much.
there were too much coincidence.
but now im finally awake.
i had fallen in love with someone who will never love me.

fuck this life.
fuck all these.

fuck myself.

i just need some love in this world.
heaven you dont have to fool me like this.
so im alone all along.
alone.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

The game of life.

I grow up and I'm suddenly eighteen,
and life ahead isn't what I would think.
Education, is it really such a big thing?
Certificates and degrees; sugar and cream?
But sugar and cream only make me fat.
When I'm working I would feel like crap.
Of how I didn't spend myself chasing crabs,
and spend more time in the park taking a nap.

Fame, glory, and power am I looking for that?
It's natural, oh so natural for that.
However, these may all be a trap.
Keeping my life off track.
What do you cherish most I'd ask?
Extra money and recognition may all seem a plus.
But when I lose my loves because of these tasks,
Is it all worth it I ask?

To be continued-

somewhere only we know