either im very unfit now,
or i just love to sleep whenever i lie on my bed.

i see so many people, praying to their gods.

im a free thinker.

i have no gods.

do gods even exist?

why?

why are we suffering?

why are we here, and you are up there?

why do i feel pain,

when she leaves

when solitude swallow me whole

when she never came

when i was all alone?

i am alone.

why did you make me this way?

why do i have to be born in the first place?

why if life is a gift,

mine started with a debt?

i am born:

to repay my parents' kindness

to repay to society

to repay to god

to carry the sins of our ancestors

to be burdened by the earth they left behind.

why do you appear to give us the gift to choose,

when we cant even choose

whether we wanted to be born,

into this shit.

to clean up other's shit.

i want to be born oblivion.

can you make me more so?

i dont want to be good.

i want to live life to it's fullest, too.

i want to see the moon in it's brightest glow,

without wondering if it's silky loins made by greenhouse gases.

i want to see the river weaving through mountains and carrassing the earth,

without the plastic bags.

i want to live more for myself.

i want to be more selfish.

because im tired

im tired trying to live.

without going against my conscience.

why do you make the world this way,

god?

why give me so many hardships so that i would grow strong,

if i cant even forever think of fighting you for my right to live, or die.

why do you even bother to come,

just to mess up our life.

you give and you take and you give and you take again.

i hope i truly amused you.

why do you make the world this way,

god?

i concede.