gg

i would like to ask... can i ever find another person whom with i can fall in love to the same extend, to the same intensity? to go through what we did?!??

its fucking unfair


PS:
im going to collect small pockets of sentences like this and someday maybe write a novel or play/screenplay!

read me not

for i dont lust the spiders which dwell not in the warmth of hearts but the winters of happily ever afters.



i love this very line that i've just created at 3am!

the chords struck; the heartstrings resonate; but would there be music?

花 接受凋零 风 接受追寻
心的伤还有一些 不要紧
我接受你的决定
你将会被谁抱紧 唱什麼歌哄他开心
我想著天空什麼时候会放晴
地球不曾为谁停一停
你的明天 有多快乐 不是我的
(我的明天 快不快乐 都是我的)
我们的爱是唱一半的歌
时间把习惯换了 伤口愈合
也撤销我再想你的资格
你的祝福 一半甜的 一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱著 一半的歌
(另一半的歌)

也撤销我再想你的资格

你的祝福
一半甜的一半苦的
一半甜的一半苦的

像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人残念的总是未完成的
我只能唱著一半的歌

to remind myself why am i studying so hard

i want to understand the world better by having more knowledge of it,
and not hearing from emotional accounts.

only then will i be able to give less subjective and more objective views of what is happening around me.

lalala study hard!!

我的生活

我的生活方式太过安全..做事总是打量过危险..
可能就因为这样.. 过的生活特别平凡..
平凡不好吗?

不过.. 感觉似乎正在错过什么是的..

5

happy 5th birthday to my blog!!!


(its so convenient to have my blog bdae after qw's.. dont need to rmb.. shh dun let my blog know!!)

lying

lying is analogous to being caught in a web.
the more you turn and twist, the less chance you get can ever out of it.

anger

you may think that the only option is to swallow your anger or throw it at someone's face, but theres a third option; you can just let it go.

and only if u do that it will be truly gone.

手

早安太阳.
认识您这么久了, 您依然没变.
您还是这么灿烂,您还是我在生活黑暗中的指南针.

手中的笔,不知被谁吵醒,
在白纸上写下了我对您的感情.
不知如何向您表达
我心怀中的情信
我把纸折成飞机
丢向天空翱翔.

就象我们爸爸赢取妈妈的海鸥
我暗暗希望它能飞进您的心窗.

右手牵手,左手被牵.
从前梦里的情人,
已在我面前.

右手牵手,左手被牵.


not bad sia.. nxt time can use for lyrics also..
anw this is hypothetical.. except if qw imagine this is what i wrote for him then i dun mind.. lol

dun mind my poor attempt to revise my chinese..

misery loves company,
but would love find me one too?

Someone like me.

His heart faltered,
but he recalled how you reminisce your trophies.
14, 16, 21;
and that,
you won it the day you took away,
something i was never expecting
to find back,
until today.

Today, someone else found it.
Though that I missed it very much,
"Finder's keeper", i say,
and i really hope that she really would.

she really would.

when you are born with nothing,
you know the costs of everything.

my ES1301 teacher said: "you should be in literature"

wherefore art thou juliet?

the tables turn

it is time now.

the time to choose
the past, or the present;
to be the future.

the past, something i had known, for all these years,
something i had accustomed to.
pain and joy, to the last letter.
it was less of the latter.

the present, something i can see now, for its virtue,
something i can feel now.
exciting and new, it takes us as surprise.
it is much better than before, or so it is to be believed.

that i want to believe.

because sometimes if you are really honest in what you want for life, life gives it to you.

saturday i must:

go thru ec1301 tutorials -- done
read finish ec1301 lectures -- done
do ma1102r tutorial -- done
do finish ma1102r assignment -- fail .. :'( edit: done!

sunday i must:

do ma1101r tutorial -- done
revise 1101r abit -- done
read finish st1131 lectures -- doneeeeeeeeeee!

like it's of any use

its amazing, how..

we know what is happening halfway across the globe
but dont know what is happening to our neighbours next door.

we know what is best for a 12-year old
but not know what to do when we are 20, or 40, or 80.

we can count how many times a person makes a mistake
but not know how many times we've made them ourselves.


its amazing how...

we complain of having so little time
and yet we spent so much time complaining.


like it's of any use

Life is a multiple choice of:

What do you want to do today?

A. Study

B. Watch drama

C. Play computer games

D. Go out with friends/family

E. All of the above

Answer ( E ) Wrong. You wont have enough time.

just beat it

we do this only after you are gone.

fighting, struggling to retain

hoping things would remain the same way.

hoping time to stop.

repeat.

repeat, the bits of memories that we now call memories,

only now.

do we regret it or will we just never learn?

today while coming home i saw a mother holding (presumably) her 4-5 year old boy's hand and jaywalked at the traffic junction in front of bedok library as the driver of the bus i was on was honking at them.

seriously.. by jaywalking how much time can you save? 3 mins at most? when you have a child and you are holding his hands, walk slowly and enjoy what you have la! smell the roses!! wait till your boy grows up and become like me, like all of us, shout at parents! (or at least i shamefully admit i do...) Bo chap! Argue!

i seriously sometimes just dont get what other humans are doing.. Seriously. so either there is something wrong with me, or there is something wrong with them.

ok something wrong with me ba.

if only i was born at a remote area on earth

where nobody will tell me that if i want to survive,

i need to do whatever to earn big money.

i dont want this kind of lousy life.

i need help

dont paint my death with roses, it's almost petulant to do so.

yay i have bid my 5 modules already.

gave up on Reporting Stats in media... min bid 400.. zz

with tutorials im hoping to let it squeeze within the 3 days ba.. hopefully can do it.
wish me luck.

screw the ES1301 for making me come back on saturday though.

either im very unfit now,
or i just love to sleep whenever i lie on my bed.

i see so many people, praying to their gods.

im a free thinker.

i have no gods.

do gods even exist?

why?

why are we suffering?

why are we here, and you are up there?

why do i feel pain,

when she leaves

when solitude swallow me whole

when she never came

when i was all alone?

i am alone.

why did you make me this way?

why do i have to be born in the first place?

why if life is a gift,

mine started with a debt?

i am born:

to repay my parents' kindness

to repay to society

to repay to god

to carry the sins of our ancestors

to be burdened by the earth they left behind.

why do you appear to give us the gift to choose,

when we cant even choose

whether we wanted to be born,

into this shit.

to clean up other's shit.

i want to be born oblivion.

can you make me more so?

i dont want to be good.

i want to live life to it's fullest, too.

i want to see the moon in it's brightest glow,

without wondering if it's silky loins made by greenhouse gases.

i want to see the river weaving through mountains and carrassing the earth,

without the plastic bags.

i want to live more for myself.

i want to be more selfish.

because im tired

im tired trying to live.

without going against my conscience.

why do you make the world this way,

god?

why give me so many hardships so that i would grow strong,

if i cant even forever think of fighting you for my right to live, or die.

why do you even bother to come,

just to mess up our life.

you give and you take and you give and you take again.

i hope i truly amused you.

why do you make the world this way,

god?

i concede.

Thinker Theory

going by the scientific point of view(im a free thinker btw),

we as living beings, we have the so called consciousness or "soul" or the ability to think and to be aware of the surroundings are all because of the brain.

that is to say, when we die, or the brain dies, this so mentioned consciousness is going to disappear as well.

i know several religions believe in the afterlife, be it the subsequent phase be utopia, or an indefinite loop of reincarnation or other wise. but what if science is true?

will we, or i, come into senses as a completely new person like how i remembered coming into this world, when we, or i die? i was already probably 4-5 years old then. 

so with my passing away, most probably all my data i have gathered this lifetime would stay in that dysfunct brain. the memory of me even discussing or pondering about this subject would like rest of the memories and complex thinking algorithms built from young soon dissipate to becoming maggot food or rather, hydrocarbons, oxides, or carbon dioxide into the air.

even if i do intuitively 'take over' or should i say "feel" from another new form or body, a newborn baby, I wouldn't have the data to deduce i did this incredible feat of space-time quantum leap. but i now see it is impossible now if u think in term of physics. would an event happening in other remote non-referenced frame trigger something in another frame? okay i dont understand what im saying also in the last sentence, but yeah its impossible.

so there u go. enjoy your life before it ends, without compromising the enjoyment of others. that's known as moral btw. soon we will all permanently "shut down" and this is the only time you regret not having pre-installed Windows operating systems. but death isnt so nice that they save ur work nicely and slowly purge your unwanted data. its more like a irrecoverable BSOD and your system does not support reboot because you have a water cooling system linked to your OS which when the OS fails, it would stop working and your system will be fried in 5 minutes if you dont recover in time.

okay enough of computers lol. back to topic.

to summarize:

1. you can never be bill gate's grandson or great grandson.

2. neither can you be any one else's

3. the ability to think and sense your surroundings is truly a gift. learn to appreciate.

4. you only live this once. try to be happy(it's weird giving advice to myself when i dont seem to follow them)

i dont know why, but when i return to singapore to my seat here in front of my computer,

a sudden wave of sadness and grief just splashes back on me.

i hate this place.

almost suicidal.

im tipping over a cliff.

im just waiting for someone or something to give me a push.

this is what i do when im bored.

I have just had a breakthrough on my theory of fate.

** We cannot use the present to know the past - it would be at most a intelligent guess, but we can use the present to predict the future. **

Please put this quote to my name next time so i get famous ok? hahaha.

to show u some examples i can think of,

lets say in front of you is a car accident,

with this information and all the things you have, you could not have known what really really happened(assuming the driver and his passenger died soon after). It could be that they quarrelled on the car, then the driver maybe dulan and go crash the car against the curb that caused the car to overturned and killed both of them. It could also be that the driver sneezed and or fell asleep that the car accidentally went on the curb and the car overturned and killed them.  

what you know now, the both of them bleeding profusely, and suppose this is outside sungei gedong road, and in 1 km you have sungei gedong medical centre, and probably 10km you have NUH, then lets say singapore no more money for helicopter, and your battery no batt. you can know with information that you are able to obtain that the two person are going to die.

to see this in terms of functions, A -> B.

Lets say current situation is A1, and it is defined by causal and deterministic laws that B1 will definitely happen. B1 will happen.

but if event B1 happened, you cant be sure that it was A1 which caused it.

This is something like your A maths where you have to this function is 1-1 and is not likewise with f inverse.

Gibson's First Law of Fate:

So with all the information available and extractable, we are only able to predict the future.

In equation form, A->B =/= B-> A

though the idea is simple, i will define this as my first law.(susceptible to changes)

by the way, there are no such thing as miracles or perfectly random events. (even dice tossing if you can control the angular velocity and height and time of flight, fluid properties(unless u throw it on vacuum) and surface properties of table (or hand if u catches it) and so many more factors, a certain result would most definitely occur).

passion. find me.

because i have nothing to do.

because i dont know what to do.

because i dont know what i love to do.

i am, 

inhuman.

inhuman.

inhuman.

kill me if im not already dead.

not alive, but half dead.

not alive, but half dead.

my life.

end it. end it. end it.

for me.

please.

something random :)

sumqingwei says:
fman go watch what show
sumqingwei says:
tv?
Gibson says:
duno him
Gibson says:
the art of killing
sumqingwei says:
haha
Gibson says:
Long Division of humans
Gibson says:
High Performance Killing
sumqingwei says:
haha
Gibson says:
haha i just tot of a random idea
Gibson says:
if u managed to stop photons in a room
Gibson says:
wad will u see
Gibson says:
then photons wont hit your eyes
Gibson says:
unless u move to them
sumqingwei says:
err particles of light?
Gibson says:
ya
Gibson says:
so if u move closer to another object or person
Gibson says:
u can actually see what u suppose to see 0.0000000000000000000000000001 second later
Gibson says:
then if u walked backwards
Gibson says:
u can actually see what happened 0.0000000000000000000001s before
Gibson says:
v interesting rite
sumqingwei says:
that is if u can stop light?
Gibson says:
ya la
sumqingwei says:
if cannot stop means u must move faster than speed of light?
sumqingwei says:
lol
Gibson says:
actually i had done it
Gibson says:
everyone had done it
Gibson says:
haha
Gibson says:
not stopped la
Gibson says:
but captured it
Gibson says:
cameras haha
Gibson says:
photos and videos
sumqingwei says:
lol -.-
Gibson says:
captured the state of it
Gibson says:
haha really... sia
Gibson says:
amazing rite
sumqingwei says:
study physics
Gibson says:
must blog this
Gibson says:
stop typing ah.. i copy our convo

fast and furious

wow.. just when i wanted to sleep i suddenly saw this!!

D: 1.7mb/s!!! download!! omg

dropped back 100+kb/s le..

lol and what a nice pattern the graph have.. like ancient character of shan(mountain)

it dropped at the end because that particular torrent dl finish liao.

how i wish everyday dl so fast.. 

I applied into MIT and I got in!

hahahahaha.. i anyhow apply then i got in!

i must jia you from now on.. everyone gimme support k? dont call me up for movies on times I have lectures/tutorials :)

Was too boring I had to blog.

I have officially slacked for 4 months. its omfg when i realised it. Though it didn't felt long, but I'm currently bored to the state that playing games could make insane, and I can't last for more than 30mins each game I tried to play!

to be contined.. i try a new game

target update 20/01/2009

things to do before uni:

learn guitar # halfway!

learn piano

learn tennis 

decide what to do in life

learn economics # started first page but kinda stopped..

learn statistics 

play ra3 ~ done!

play call of duty 5 ~ done!

play grand theft auto 4 # started, but my comp laggy so gave up and wait for comp upgrade

play starcraft 2

play diablo 3

watch heroes # reached current episode

watch gossip girl # reached current episode

watch bleach # reached current episode

watch code geass ~ done!

watch all movies i have # dling and watching..

get a job

get a new camera fone ~ done!

get a laptop

get a new pair of spectacles/contacts

get a guitar capo ~ done!

get a electric tuner (temporarily replaced by microphone and a neat software on my comp)

- those without tag are still untouched :'(

I wonder was i so focused all along or this thing really helped me to be very focused! Seems like i'm doing good and not wasting my life, though i definitely feel im wasting my life(wake up(12am), play comp, play guitar, eat, play comp, play guitar, play comp, eat, play comp, read book, sleep(2am))

even though I don't have high expectations of life, but still i feel that i might be disadvantaged by doing these instead of paving my way to a better career - building up networks, signing up internships, research and data collection. ALL THESE makes our life so commercialised. It's like one is measuring his/her quality of life using career success as a gauge. 

There are 2 things I especially hate. People who make money USING friends, and the act of people making friends just to make money(or make use of them). I f-word-ing despise them. Sorry for my strong emotions :'(

green green green

im old already

To anyone who is reading this, you are hereby coardially invited to my birthday celebration!

WHAT?:
Gibson's 21st Birthday

WHERE??:
Aloha Changi, Yacht Club Chalet (see map for YCC)

WHEN???:
23 Jan 2009 (Fri), 6.30pm – 10.30pm (9pm cake cutting)

HOW????:
From Tampines Int, take bus 29 to GOVT CHALETS bus stop on Netheravon Rd.

There will be buffet dinner catered. Feel free to bring your +1s :)

Kindly RSVP* by 20 Jan 2009, so I can make arrangements for the food! 

Sorry most likely no bbq, cause already catering food. But if anybody wants, you can make use of my bbq pit by holding your own gathering there. The more the merrier. :)  

Map:

*just inform me who coming can le. tag or msn or sms me also can

Welcome to 2009

2008's wishlist:
1. get out of army alive.
2. make more friends.
3. completely get rid of my acne.
4. stay happy and healthy.
5. everyone's wishes comes true.
6.
7. world a better place.

Legend: Fulfilled, somewhat fulfilled, obviously not fulfilled

1. ok im talking now! so really glad!

2. okay.. it's mathematically correct so ya..

3. more or less

4. this is abit grey.. should have made it more clear. Cos 365 days ago i wasn't really happy either. 1 year ago i could do 2.4km in about 9mins and maybe below, but now after nua for so many months i doubt i can be nowhere near that la.. so erm.. more or less.

5. i dont know. maybe you do..? but i tink some have some dont have.

6. still trying my best

7. guess i dont need to explain much

Ok.. in overall, 2008 was a freaking fast year. The time when I had to do guard duty on 1/1/08 seems only days ago. Perhaps its army army army all the way, and the cool taiwan trip. Busy life passes very fast i guess.

RESOLUTION FOR 2009 

1. Feel that i have chosen the right uni course

2. BE HAPPY

3. Spend my pre uni time wisely

4. IPPT GOLD PLEASE ($400!!!!!!!)

5. Have more friends!

6.

7. Master guitar to a pro level ok?

Oh and i saw from yahoo that one should not make resolutions about one's physical aspect(fatter/thinner etc) cos will cause depression :'(